socially ambushed by a potential narc.

[1footouttadefog]

A woman moved into our area a while back and goes to my church.  I noticed that right away she has figured out who was who in the community and seemed to be befriending those people or those who are friends of them.

I noticed that she was cozying up to someone who is a common friend with myself.  This was apparent because if this friend in common spoke to me at fellowship time, the new lady was right there immediately derailing the conversation. 

We attended a party where the new woman was also.  I saw her derailment and attention sewking at work there as well.  She is actually nice enough and is not hostile and has a since of humor.  But I also noticed some attention getting behaviors. Red flag noted.

The host of the party had relatives in town weeks later.  They wanted to come see my property and gardens and homestead type infrastructures as they are possibly relocating to the region.  They visited and a went well.

During the next church fellowship I told the party hostess and her relative I would drop off some beginner level books I no longer need related to common interests, and we set a window of time when I would drop by. 

The new lady had  seen us talking and had come over and listened to the arrangement then derailed the convo.

I went to drop the books off the other day and a nice car was parked all crooked in the drive blocking the parking area.  It was pointing out also.  I parked half off the drive at the bottom, because I wondered if the person was showing off their car, was being rude and blocking the drive, or perhaps was about to jet away and I come at just the wrong moment as they were about to take off.

When hostess lady came I handed her the bag with the books and asked her to tell her relative goodby for me since they had company.  She insisted I come in as she was expecting me, then mumbles that the visitor had showed up because she heard about it.

I was puzzled and went on in then realized what she meant when the new girl in town was sitting on the couch.

Much of the conversation over the next 20 minutes was intermittently sidetracked by newbie who was drawing attention towards herself. 

It was not quite overbearing but quite noticeable.  I feel sort of like I was hijacked and that I am being competed with.  I have red flags regarding this woman even though they are annoyance level not fear level.

I have decided to play nice for now and even tossed some supply her way.  Like making an excited notice she had brought her sought after desert that every one raves over. (She told me they do, lol)  I brought up for conversation something I know she is proud of so we could Segway toward it without her having to do it herself. 

I hope she is just a little desperate for attention and that she will mellow over time because I actually think she has some good personality traits and she does not seem evil or anything. 

But wow, being bushed like that seems so middle school and the subject of a after school TV special.  And even though she is not ticking the sociopath meter range, she is definitely in Narc part of the scale for me. 

My fear is that she would misconstrued something and cause a rift between myself and others, or something equally inconvienent.

[Sophie48]

Hi 1footouttadafog,

A common characteristic of narcissism is initially coming across as charming. Once someone is drawn in, that changes. True intentions will eventually come out with time. Even if this person doesn't turn out to be emotionally dangerous, it's okay to give it some time to unfold, and to protect yourself.

If you're sensing red flags, it's worth paying attention. The situations you're describing—the regular derailing/hijacking of conversations and bringing attention to herself, showing up uninvited because she "heard about it," the sense that the behavior seems immature—individually definitely raise an eyebrow, at the least, and together are best not to ignore. I think you're wise to proceed with caution.

[KFel024]

Dear 1footouttadefog,

I am struggling to understand your situation.  It sounds to me like somebody new entered your scene and is being pushy in terms of forming new relationships.  Do you feel threatened by this person, and if so, why?  Please note that I am new to this forum and mean no disrespect.  Just seems a bit overly sensitive to me.   

[xredshoesx]

the new person that 1foot described hijacked conversations twice and showed up to someone's house univited from what the posts described.  if nothing else, listening to your gut feelings about anyone that comes on too strong is a good takeaway from this post.

i hope she's more over-eager than possible PD 1foot.  if she keeps being obtrusive, please do use boundaries or grey rock her so it's not so interesting to be a part of your circle anymore.

[StayWithMe]

Some people need drama and so they create it.  Do you find your friends fawing over this singing her praises?  Or are they as measured with her as they are with any newbie intheir midsts?

[Sophie48]

Hi again,

For many people here, we've been "taught," sometimes for our entire life, that we have no boundaries (some of us didn't even know there was such a thing!), and that we can't trust our own perceptions—especially when it comes to protecting ourself. When we recognize behaviors that in the past (and present) have been used against us, to control us, or just something that feels "off," having someone confirm that, no, it's not just you, and it's perfectly fine to set those boundaries, can be helpful and reinforce the strength we need to protect ourself.

[1footouttadefog]

I am sorry if my story was unclear.  So to be brief, no, I am not threatened.  Basically this woman's targets, and or friends are not overlapping mine except two couples.

I however I know the small community and church members to know who is who well enough to see a trend in who this woman started trying to hang out with and smooze.

I was for the most part an observer until the holiday party after which I seem to be on her radar.

It seems more like I am a threat to her.  For this reason, I will not be sharing any info that could be used to throw me under a bus.

[StayWithMe]

Since you entitled this thread "socially ambushed......." one would assume that you felt as if you were in the one down position.

In any case, this is the place to vent and share observations. 

[1footouttadefog]

So an update of sorts

The woman who blocked me from the driveway etc called my house the other day. 

Seems she overheard someone asking about my pdh and she gathered from the conversation that he has a psychiatric condition.  She had called to tell me she understands because she has psychiatric diagnoses of her own and lost a brother to mental illness. 

The woman whose house she blocked me from confided that this woman has a bad case of FOMS, fear of missing something and that she interjects herself often into what goes on. 

I had a pleasant enough conversation but did notice she cast her fishing line out twice for info aboht one of the two couples we know in common.  I of course noticed and dodged her attempts to gather information.  I was actually expecting it based on what I have learned here about pds from reading so many stories. 

Before coming Out of the FOG, this matter could have gone so differently.  The tools work, and I think I kept things Grey / medium chill just enough not to bee seen as a source of supply or to be viewed as a resource of any kind. 

[xredshoesx]

glad to hear the ball is still in your possession and you have full control of the court!!!