Pulling away from my non-PD family?

[Scythe]

I'm still with my BPDh and working on myself while I wait to see if his changes will be long-term. My own family of origin is healthy, loving, and lives nearby, but I haven't wanted to be around them at all for a few months now. Some unknown negative emotion comes up when I think about seeing them. I am doing a lot of serious mindfulness meditation to work on my depression, so I can justify not wanting to be around people. But why would I specifically feel like isolating myself from my FOO? They do keep gently reaching out every so often to try to make plans with me or just to check in. But I always get that weird negative feeling. Some sort of aversion, maybe? Perhaps it's because I still feel like divorce will be inevitable, and maybe I feel like they won't understand or won't approve, or that my husband has become so much a part of our family that maybe I feel like I'll have to leave them all? I don't know.

[notrightinthehead]

Yes, I also find it sometimes difficult to understand why I feel like I do. The way I deal with it, I accept that this is the way I feel and I don't know why. If I can, I try to intensify the feeling or meditate on it.
I have withdrawn from my family and friends in the past because I felt ashamed of my situation. I felt ashamed that I had chosen a husband who behaved the way he did and who treated me badly.  I was not willing to listen to another person advising me to leave when I was not ready to do so. I did not want to lie and pretend all was good, nor was I willing to open up about how bad it was. And so I withdrew and deprived myself of the emotional support I might have received.
I am not saying that these are your reasons, they were mine. You will figure yours out with time. Sending you strength.

[Associate of Daniel]

I find this also, even 6+ years after my uNPD exH left.

My FOO is a fantastic support but they don't understand the pd craziness. They often advise logical actions to deal with it and they don't understand my reluctance to do what they suggest or that with my pds  there is no logic.

But there's also the fact that I'm tired. I'm tired of explaining/reporting the latest craziness to people. I just don't have it in me. I'd rather curl up in a ball and deal with it on my own.

I want to have a part of my life that is a pd free zone. And I'd like my family to be that zone.

My parents are also in their 80s. I don't want them to worry about me any more than they already do.

I wouldn't say that I've been withdrawing from my family. But I have over the years said no to various things, simply because I haven't had the emotional energy to be with them due to the pd drama of my ex, fantastic though my family is.

There is a certain amount of healing and processing that has to be done in solitude, no matter how supportive and loving our FOOs and friends are.

AOD