How to respond to questions about parents?

[DistanceNotDefense]

I personally think there is nothing wrong with saying, if people prod, that you have an abusive family or suffered childhood abuse (especially so they can stop telling you that you should get back in touch). At this point, people who aren't aware of child abuse live under a rock, and they definitely should hear more about it.

You don't have to give details. You don't have to say who, or what. You don't even have to expect empathy. Just leave it at that. It's just like saying "I had cancer." Or "I was at war years ago." It may make people uncomfortable because they don't know if they care enough about you to show sympathy (or they might just not be empathetic). Maybe some of them will.

Just don't expect people to care, but say it anyway if you need to. At least it will bring an end to the irritating questions about parents/siblings/etc.!

[illogical]

I find it very difficult to find a "safe haven"-- outside of a few close friends and Out of the FOG (which is awesome!)

My description of myself as "jaded/cynical, basically trusting almost no one" is a classic description of an abuse victim.

I have spoken out in defense of myself-- told "my story", only to be met with comments like "Oh, do we really have to hear that story again?"  This said by a person in a church group I thought had my back.  And there have been others, both in my extended family and social circles who were only being polite in asking about my NM and GC brother.  I am convinced they really didn't want to know details or want to understand my situation.

It is very difficult when you want to tell your story, but you realize that most don't really want to hear it-- not because they are callous or uncaring, but because the act of going NC with your parents is basically taboo in our culture.  Why would you turn your back on your FOO?  What kind of person are you? It's your family!!!

So, I tread very carefully, knowing that my truth does matter, even if others don't care to hear it. 

[Sidney37]

I think, especially right now, people ask about our parents as a pleasantry.  Covid seems to ge causing more people to ask.  They don't really want an answer.  That makes sense now that people here have mentioned it.

I think for my oldest, closest 5 or so friends from childhood and college who know my parents or witnessed the fall out when she made stupid threats of punishment when I was in college or a young adult a response is ok.  They remember what she was like and knew my heartache for all of these years.  For others who don't know them or my relationship with them, a vague answer is working.