One year out

[Hattie]

It's a year ago today that my uB/NPD ex left me to move straight in with another woman. I have survived! And thrived.

One thing that's sort of crazy about the whole thing is that he had to pick the day before Valentine's Day to leave,didn't he?

Today was ok. I was upset this morning, and did some loving kindness meditation. Then had a crazy busy day at work,which was probably a good thing as it kept me occupied. Now chilling out with my cat. I sort of wanted to mark today somehow but I wasn't sure how to do it.

It's been a funny week. After several months of searching for a new job, I got TWO offers in one day! One of which I have more or less accepted. I was also called up by my doctor, who seems to have found a reason for my unexplained infertility problems. I have a rare blood clotting condition, which is easily treated. I'd pretty much given up on being able to have children, but it seems I might be able to! I'm 37 now so don't have loads of time but at least that possibility is back on the table.

All in all, I'm so much happier and healthier now than when I was with my ex. People are constantly telling me how good I look. I have a great network of supportive friends.

I've done a lot this year; I cleared a backlog of work, started to redecorate my house, became a practising Buddhist and tried my hand at internet dating!

Last year on Valentine's day, I woke up in my house alone for the first time in 8 and a half years.  I put on John Lee Hooker playing the boogie blues and fixed myself a massive stack of blueberry pancakes. I started as I meant to go on. Tomorrow I'll be celebrating with my new Valentine, who is lovely.

I am free. And I am safe. At last.

[Poison Ivy]

Congratulations!  On making it one year; on the job offers; on learning some potentially helpful information from your physician.  I'm glad you are free and safe at last.

[coyote]

Congratulations on everything. Don't know how I'd celebrate this. Think I'd do something with fire, outdoor campfire, fireplace. tiki torches, or the like. Or maybe just a simple meditation time. Whatever you decide I hope you enjoy so you should.

[openskyblue]

What a wonderful, life-affirming post, Hattie. Congratulations and bravo big time for taking you life in a new, better direction -- and with pancakes, too!

[KFel024]

Dear Hattie,

Thank you for sharing and congratulations.  Your story was inspirational for me.  Hopefully you like the new job and best wishes on the whole procreation thing.  Keep it up.  I am one month out with my npd partner and am still trying to process the whole discard phase catastrophe, which can be pretty brutal at times.

[Hattie]

Thanks very much for your kind words, everyone!

KFel-I hear you. The first two months after the split were pretty brutal for me. I was really emotional and lost a dress size in weight. After that,I went through a bizarrely joyful phase for a while (some kind of energy release thing? ) Then I was doing fairly good but was kind of unable to focus for several months. Now I'm pretty much back to normal although I do get emotional flashbacks at times. What I'm trying to say is : things will get better over time. They will change and go through weird shifts, but stay no/lo contact with your ex, look after yourself, and things should get better in time. Hang on in there.

[KFel024]

Dear Hattie,

Thank you for the advice.  Have gone NC and plan to continue to do so as long as I have breath.  Got a new phone, phone number, removed from any sort of on-line connection, etc.

The past few days have been incredibly difficult.  Pretty much laying down, staring at the wall, trying to come to terms with why I chose to marry my npd partner to begin with.  There were so many reasons/red flags not to, yet I chose to do so, went all in and feel like I got utterly annihilated. 
   
I do believe in karma and do hope that things get better with time, which I believe they will.  So hard to go 180 degrees from settling down, starting a family, buying a home, etc. to get out of my life forever on the turn of a dime.  Is for the best, but cannot comprehend how someone I loved so dearly could end up being so cruel/callous.

[iamthefire]

Hattie,

I love your verse. I once sent that to him trying to show him what real love is supposed to look like. Congrats on your year and thanks for sharing your story.

To Kfel, I am at the staring at the wall stage too. I know how you feel.  I can't even watch tv. Nothing I like is enjoyable. I am making it hour by hour.

[Hattie]

Thank you guys. I think you are both really brave for facing your feelings, instead of trying to avoid them. Staring at the wall and grieving is a healthy thing to be doing right after a breakup of a difficult relationship. The only way out is through. Hang on in there.

[Beachgirl]

Belated Congrats to Hattie for your anniversary of independence!!

[melw82]

What an awesome post to read! This makes for a lot of inspiration for me - about 3/4 months out of it all and after a heart wrenching discard!

I can't wait to feel like you sound in your post. The news about being able to have children is so heart felt! Seriously happy for you even though I have no clue as to who you are!

Go forth and have an amazing fulfilled life of real love! x