Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!

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Zen_Warrior

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Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« on: February 14, 2019, 12:26:55 AM »
My uBPD sister is getting married in May and I've decided to attend the ceremony and cocktail hour, but leave before my sister potentially tortures our dad by ignoring his introversion and social anxiety and insisting he do the father-daughter-dance with her AND before I get labeled as "rude" because I won't eat since the buffet won't have any options that work for my ridiculous dietary restrictions.

BUT I'm still worried that our family might think I'm the unreasonable/irrational/petty/manipulative one.

My therapist wants me to keep in mind how ridiculous my sister's perceptions and expectations are so...anyone have any outrageous PD wedding stores to share?
I'm trying, with the will of a warrior, to stay zen!

"Boundaries ensure that the consequences of a person's actions land squarely on his/her shoulders." -(I wish I knew who originally wrote/said this!)

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DaisyGirl77

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2019, 01:03:08 AM »
Emerged from the bathroom fully dressed for my (uBPD) cousinís wedding and found her in the bedroom with her dadís (uNPD) hand down the front of her dress. We froze.  Cousin: ďHeís great at fixing my boobs so they look fantastic.Ē Her dad nods, fixes his daughterís breast, and withdraws his hand and leaves the room. We continue with wedding day prep as though it never happened.

Looking back, that was my first real sign that all was not kosher in my dadís side of the family.
I lived with my dad's uPD mom for 3.5 years.  This is my story:  http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=59780.0  (TW for abuse descriptions.)

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." - Anonymous

NC with uNM since December 2016.  VLC with uPDF.

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Zen_Warrior

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2019, 01:05:48 AM »
  :aaauuugh:

Thank you, Daisy!  I don't know how you got through it!
I'm trying, with the will of a warrior, to stay zen!

"Boundaries ensure that the consequences of a person's actions land squarely on his/her shoulders." -(I wish I knew who originally wrote/said this!)

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2019, 09:06:53 AM »
My wedding is full of stories. I didnít want my Ndad to walk me down the aisle, because patriarchy, nothing personal. Long story short I was bullied into having him do it. On the wedding day, he deliberately causes me to trip coming down the aisle! He also pulled my elderly godfather in to take his place midway through the father-daughter dance. Neither of us knew he was going to do that and I was left standing awkwardly on the floor for about half a minute while he drags my godfather out on the floor.

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11JB68

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2019, 02:32:11 PM »
I have a few but no time now, so will post later

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2019, 03:17:05 PM »
PD Parents refused to come to my wedding (at first). They even booked a vacation for that same weekend.

When they realized that I was still going to get married (duh!) they had a change of heart because "what would people say?". Definitely not "what awful parents are we to refuse to come to our daughter's wedding?"

A few days after the wedding I moved about 1500 miles away to where my husband was stationed in the military.  My moving away was part of the objection to the wedding. Parting words from my parents "If you get into any trouble, don't call."


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Pepin

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2019, 07:14:20 PM »
Oh wow y'all....I have been carrying some wedding stories for years that I want to get off my chest.

What we did correctly was getting married by ourselves in a State of our choosing and the florist and the photographer served as witness.   :applause: :cloud9:

What we should not have done is had a reception later on that was NOT ON OUR TERMS.   :blowup:


The guest list for the reception was supposed to be small...our friends and close family.  Instead, PDmil insisted that we invite her friends since they had all attended DH's siblings weddings.  It was terribly awkward to host guests that both DH and I did not know.  It was like: hello, nice to meet you.  Thanks for coming to our reception...   :doh:


Also, PDmil was handed the top tier of the cake by the caterer to save for DH and I.  She.  Dropped. It.  And laughed.  No apology.  Didn't even offer to buy us a replacement....  You all better believe I have been holding in certain choice words with regards to this situation.   :hulk:


And my guest book.......apparently BIL and his wife signed the page in the guest book that was for DH and I ONLY to sign.  In our rush to get to the reception site we had forgotten to sign our own book before setting it out.  Ugh.  Might as well light that damn guest book on fire as it is now spoiled....and the guest book was a lovely gift from my siblings....if I told my siblings what happened I know they would be crushed.   >:(

Ugh.   
Why work so hard to have a relationship with someone that does not care the same way as you?

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

Born into a dysfunctional family and married into a dysfunctional family.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

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Dukkha

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2019, 07:37:06 PM »
We planned and paid for our wedding.  I invited my FOO, which was a mistake.
PDf insisted on making a speech, and stood and talked about himself for 20 minutes before making a crack about my weight (I was anorexic at the time) and then finally taking his seat.

My PDm at the end of the night talked me into handing over my dress so she could have it cleaned and boxed for safekeeping.  When I finally worked up the nerve to ask for it back months later, she said she lost it.  Giggled.  Turns out she sold it for gambling money.  She has never admitted the truth or apologized for this or anything else.



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P&K

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2019, 12:50:59 AM »
Oh gosh! These are dreadful!
I had to deal with PA type behaviour and bad hints from updmil.
-white is her colour (no hint of joking)
-no smiles in ANY photos
-complaints after the big day
-found out she would tell everyone how
I was just so lucky etc implying I was gaining more than DH
- rejected anything (aka everything) that wasnít her idea
-awkward mother son dance neither of them appeared to enjoy but was insisted upon
I could go on and on...it was a great day in spite of it all.

Dukkha- thatís unreal! I think Iíd lose my mind over something like that.
Say good things, do good things, be good things

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11JB68

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2019, 01:37:34 AM »
Pepin...my mil also insisted on inviting all of her friends, every time they went to dinner with a couple we had to add them...sil's friends also.
P&k, likewise, my mil's first dress choice was white lace...wow.
Updh and uPD fil almost got in a fistfight at the rehearsal dinner, then updsil riled up her friends to join her in taking sides against uPDh, at our reception, with MY friends sitting there.
The fight started over a bizarre family issue, won't give details, but major narcissistic injury for mil and fil, and they were afraid of being caught in a lie.
Updm just had bpd and ocpd fits about everything...
SIL was in my wedding party but skipped my bachelorette party.
SIL had to be center of attention all day.
Flash forward to sil's wedding. She chose the night before h and I were to leave for an early morning flight to Hawaii (knowing full well, our plans were already made, it was a biz trip and couldn't be changed.) So we attended the ceremony but not the reception, had to go home to bed. Drunk fil called later, woke us up, to tell us he was talking to a friend and we just had to look up friends son in Hawaii!
Then,younger cousins wedding... She and I were raised like sisters, very close. She was in my wedding. She asks my updm if she should ask me to be in her wedding. Updm says no, then tells me all this. Then uPDm insists that I help her organize the shower... ??? Um...that's the bridal party's job..."oh but those girls won't do a good job" well, then maybe I should have been asked to be in the wedding??? I refused to organize the shower. That was part of what started the final days leading up to my nc with uPDm. She couldn't stand that I told her no.
Phew, thanks for listening!!
💜


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openskyblue

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2019, 02:46:07 AM »
Ah, the ritual PD wedding, such memories of joy and....

So, when my covert uNPD SIL got married, she insisted the whole family had to stay next door to the outdoor wedding site. My exhusband and I rented a big, drafty house for us all (8 people, including 2 kids and his elderly parents). The day of the wedding, she wanted us to see the site, so we all trooped over.

There was a tent, piles of folding chairs and tables, crates of glasses, plates, cutlery, no electricity. She figured we could just set everything up for the wedding ó in 3 hours!!! So we did. Caterers dropped off food, but there were no servers, because why would you pay for that when your family can sling hash? Then, after the wedding and reception were over, by the light of the headlights of our cars, which weíd pointed towards the tent, we took it all down. It was a moonless, pitch dark night in the countryside. Iíve never been so tired in my life, and actually fell in the shower later from utter exhaustion.

To this day, my kids refuse to enter the state where this wedding occurred, as do I.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2019, 02:48:11 AM by openskyblue »
Even a blind man can tell you when he is standing in the sun.  (Percy Sledge)

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KeepONKeepingON

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2019, 04:44:01 AM »
I live abroad and came back to my country for my wedding. Because I don't live there anymore, I stayed with my parents before and after the wedding... :yes:

Before my wedding my mother decided that she would get parts of my parents' house renovated (for me?!?).    :blink:

I had told her that if cleaning the house for my wedding was too much for her, I would pay for a cleaner. Unfortunately, she did not take me up on this offer.

The week of my wedding my BPD mother organized different renovations. I got married on the Thursday of that week. On Monday & Tuesday (3 days before my wedding), BPD mother got new kitchen cabinets refitted. On Wednesday, the day before my wedding, she got new doors installed and busily painted her bedroom.

Throughout the week she told me that nobody would be looking at me?!? at my wedding :stars: and then asked me why I looked so stressed.  :flat:

My wedding was just after Easter and there was a large floral crucifixion arrangement at the altar. This flower arrangement was very big and I suggested that my father talk with the ladies who arrange flowers in the church to see if we could maybe remove it and put it back again after the wedding. (Enfather goes to mass every day and is very devout and knows everyone in the church). Instead BPD mother immediately rang up the flower ladies and loudly told them that I did not like the floral arrangement and that it wouldn't do!!!! (I had not said anything like this!) Unsurprisingly, the flower ladies did not let us move the floral crucifixion scene. :no:

On the morning of my wedding, PBD mother made both bridesmaids' bouquets. (She had insisted on doing the floral arrangements and bouquets even though I had tried to get her to only do a little of the floral arrangements). She then told me that I would have to do my own bouquet (on the morning of my wedding!!!) as she couldn't do it.

We had a hair dresser and make up artist. I had hoped to get BPD mother's hair and makeup done first so that she could go down to the church and give DH and groomsmen their buttonholes. BPD mother would just not corporate, when the make up artist wanted to do BPD mother's make up, BPD mother was busy doing something else and I spent a lot of time trying to cajole BPD mother into sitting down to get her makeup done. (BPD mother had requested that she get her hair and make up done, this was something she had wanted.) It just added to the stress of the that BPD mother wouldn't go down early to the church to give DH and groomsmen their buttonholes.

BPD mother went off to the bar to drink with her buddies and didn't stick around the reception room after the dinner. BPD mother asked people to my wedding and only told me afterwards that I had to have so and so at my wedding. BPD mother insisted that I asked friends of hers that I had never met.

Afterwards, I left some of my wedding presents in my parents' as I couldn't take everything back to Canada. BPD mother took silver serving spoons that my godmother had given me and put them into her silver cabinet! :blink: There were about 9 bottles of prosecco left after my wedding, BPD mother and FOO drank them all. They never asked DH husband and I if that was ok nor did they save a bottle for us!

Sister was bridesmaid, she was very demanding about her dress, I had to spend a long time researching bridesmaids' dresses and running options by her before she would chose a dress. She refused in front of the whole wedding to dance with the groomsman at the first dance when the bridesmaids and groomsmen join in. Sister than gave out about how embarrassing it was for her to walk up the aisle with the groomsman as he was too short!!! She wasn't helpful in the run up to the wedding and only organized the hair and make up as that was what she was interested in.

I left the remains of my wedding cake in my parents' freezer and was looking forward to eating it at a later stage with DH. It was a traditional fruit cake and the kind of cake that does last if wrapped up properly. My parents' freezer lost power a few times. My sister threw my wedding cake out. I was a bit upset as she didn't ask me before she threw it out and it was also the kind of cake that doesn't go off easily.  :(

Enfather made a pretty nice speech about me. I was really touched, especially as he had been quite mean to me when I was a teenager. BPD mother made sure to tell me after the wedding while Enfather's speech had been very nice that I musn't forget his behaviour towards me when I was a teenager...

Sorry that this has been so long - it's great to get this off my chest!

This enforces my decision that to go NC with BPD mother was a good idea!  :woohoo:




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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2019, 07:21:30 AM »
The seven-minute mother-son dance.

My sisterís MOH toast about how I want to be a 50ís housewife with a white picket fence and 2.1 children and now I have my opportunity. (What???)

Ndad spent the morning of my wedding doing laundry and was vacuuming right outside the room where I was getting my dress on and trying to pray before the ceremony.

NPD grandpa-in-law literally followed DH and I to our hotel room.

How the Ns in both sides not wanting to be outshone led to our wedding being much more elaborate than originally planned.

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2019, 07:24:48 AM »
Oh, and How could I forget. The bridesmaids have processed in, itís about time for me to enter the church with my father. At the last moment he turns to me and says tenderly... ďYou donít have to go through with this, you know.Ē

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Dukkha

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2019, 10:27:51 AM »
My brother did not invite me to his wedding at all.
I only found out about it when I got a bunch of emails from my PDf who was sending from the reception.  Bunch of pics with notes like ďhaving a wonderful time!Ē

That was the end of my contact with my family for me.

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goodgirl

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #15 on: February 15, 2019, 11:40:48 AM »
Quote
Oh, and How could I forget. The bridesmaids have processed in, itís about time for me to enter the church with my father. At the last moment he turns to me and says tenderly... ďYou donít have to go through with this, you know.Ē
/quote]

OMG Cordelia, on my wedding day I got faint before going down the aisle (I'm a lifelong fainter).  Minister and friends have me sitting down with cool compresses on my neck, and my NBro says with concern, "You don't have to do this, you know."  WTH????

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Summer Sun

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #16 on: February 15, 2019, 12:23:45 PM »
Wow.  I feel bad because mine was perfect:

- narents were wintering abroad
- MIL was visiting GC SIL
- UNPDb was on a bender
- SILís were NC with DH

So that left a wonderful JP officiating in a small, intimate venue attended by bouquets of friends, a couple well behaved family members, with good food, an open bar, a lovely evening.

"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #17 on: February 15, 2019, 12:46:46 PM »
Summer Sun, Iím glad for you!  8-)

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openskyblue

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2019, 01:51:58 PM »
Wow.  I feel bad because mine was perfect:

- narents were wintering abroad
- MIL was visiting GC SIL
- UNPDb was on a bender
- SILís were NC with DH

So that left a wonderful JP officiating in a small, intimate venue attended by bouquets of friends, a couple well behaved family members, with good food, an open bar, a lovely evening.

Perfect!
Even a blind man can tell you when he is standing in the sun.  (Percy Sledge)

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Outrageous PD wedding stories, please!
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2019, 01:54:35 PM »
Reading some of these posts have brought back other memories:

- uPDM offered to store my wedding dress after my wedding. She kept the box next to the cat box, and my dress was ruined with cat urine.

- My oldest niece was married last year. DH and I were so excited to travel back to our home town for the wedding. uPDM behaved as though we were there to see HER, and oh by the way there's a wedding too.

- Same niece's wedding, uPDM refused to participate in any of the events around the wedding. Wouldn't go to the rehearsal or dinner, wouldn't join the group of us getting pre-wedding manicures, refused to come into the room where niece was getting ready for pre-wedding pictures, left the reception very early. But what she DID do was to stand up and start cheering when my niece started down the aisle. I can see this might be nice at some weddings, but this was not that sort of wedding. It was clear uPDM was just dying to be the center of attention.