Types of people who marry pwBPD

[Scarecrow1]

I have been hanging around boards for a good five years, and I’ve noticed that people seem to fall into a couple different categories. What do you think of them and do you relate? I think people kind of belong to two or three.

- [ ] People who are into romance. They really love the first stages of the relationship and really mourn the fact that they can’t get back to them. We all do, but these people in particular lived for those days and feel shaken and totally discombobulated and angry and confused and totally upset and feel cheated like the person gave everything and then took it all away and may not have been with the person thought they were at the end. If that person leaves them they can get really in better or really grieve for a very very very long time.


- [ ] People who are enmeshed with their partners. They don’t have any separation between them. Having separate thoughts or wants seems disloyal. They feel pressured to think a like and do things alike. They can’t imagine life without their partner no matter how unhappy they might be.

- [ ] People who are in really abusive relationships. Very strong verbal emotional or even physical abuse. People usually don’t realize it though and minimize what’s going on.

- [ ] For lack of a better word, people who act in a codependent way

- [ ] People who I think of as the professors, which is where I am today. They may be smart although they are also insane according to the quote about trying the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. The professor simply cannot get over the fact that their high conflict partner is intelligent might be performing brain surgery, but there not able to talk through their problems just like every other couple. They’re convinced that it’s a matter of getting through to the partner by finding the right words.

Like I said, people probably fit into more than one category. Do you relate to any of this

[KFel024]

Dear Scarecrow1,

I can relate to the first four bullet points with my 2nd wife.  I have been married twice, with a six year no-dating/abstinence gap in-between.  My 1st wife was normal and my 2nd a npd.  Learned a valuable lesson about the whole grass is greener thing.