Anyone's PD refuse to shower?

[livinginmyhead]

Husband has gone for an entire week without showering.  He does this regularly but normally 4 days is the record.  The house stinks and has done so for years and now I can't bear to even be in the same room because the smell makes me gag.

He is not sick, depressed and afaik not addicted to anything(although I have wondered if he had a problem with rx opiates in the past)

Is this common?

[Catlex]

Mine started skipping showers after he moved into the study a few years ago. The timing of showers, and getting ready and out of the house most mornings had become an issue of tension and conflict for him.

After he had moved into the other room, and had been fired/laid off from several jobs, he stopped showering and started using a "biome friendly" product.
His body odor became noticeably unpleasant, and since he didn't do his laundry often and didn't take the trash out of his room, the odor was in the house and followed him around.  He moved out six months ago and that room still stinks.

Maybe this is an extreme.

Personal hygiene is part of self care. Healthy adults tend to take care of personal hygiene.
Have you spoken to him about it?

[livinginmyhead]

I try not to as he has narcissistic tendencies and I eat, sleep and breathe gray rock because I don't want to react.

One time he mentioned not bathing in four days and I was kind of joking around asking him, "How old are you again?"

It's like he's a bratty little boy or something but most little boys take a bath every day at least mine did.

It's driving me and my daughter nuts.

[Associate of Daniel]

My uNPD exH, for a few years before he left nearly 6 and a half years ago, stopped shaving and cutting his hair regularly. I'm not sure about showering as he was rarely home, preferring to work interstate instead of live at home with me and ds.

I think it was a sign of his (diagnosed?) depression.

As soon as he moved out, straight into the arms of his uNPD longtime girlfriend (now wife), he became a new person appearance wise. Well dressed, well groomed, exercises, eats healthily. Nothing like the man I was married to.

Amazing what N supply does to a N.

I don't think he's very happy in his marriage. (Are Ns ever happy?) But I think he's scared of his uNPD wife. (Wisely so). So I don't think he'd dare to not look after his appearance now.

I'm glad he's looking after himself. I just wish his motives were better ones.

Me? I'm stacking on the weight. Stress, dealing with my pds, and menopause are not a good combination.

I should take a leaf out of his book!

AOD

[Pepin]

NF operated this way.  Old man stink permeated the house and it was gross.  PDmil also does similar on occasion.  It is very noticeable when she is in the car with us.  One of these days I am going to vomit....let's hope it doesn't happen in my car -- which it probably won't because she is too old to get into my BIG car now and we have to take DH's.      Nasty.

[artfox]

My ex-stepfather (sociopath? narcissist? not sure, but something in that range) would go WEEKS without bathing. When he would finally decide to take a shower, it would be an all-day affair, performed with all the solemnity of a religious ritual. First would come the morning announcement that he would shower that day. My mom would get out the laundry basket for the clothes he hadn't changed out since his last shower so that they could go directly there and straight to the laundry. She'd get out kitchen tongs to pick up the underwear out of that basket and carry them to the trash, held out in front of her like an offering. She'd be expected to attend to him during The Bathing, providing shampoo, soap, washcloths, and towels as the time for them came. She'd get out clean clothes for him, and he'd put them on, then emerge and return to the place where he always sat, ready to start building up another month's worth of stink.

Revolting doesn't begin to cover it.

[Whiteheron]

No, but about a year before I left, stbx started a new ritual where he would turn the water on for less than a minute, turn it off, "soap up", then turn it back on for a minute to rinse. He did not get clean doing this and started to smell. His solution was to buy heavily scented 'natural' soap. It was gross, not to mention the soap build up on the shower walls. Ick. I stopped cleaning that shower and started taking my showers in the kids' bathroom.

idk what he does now.

[Rock Chick]

My boyfriend's malignant BPD Etc mother if she did take a shower when she get done and she emerged from the bathroom she would expect even demand at times that my boyfriend praise her. Yes you heard right praise her. She would expect him to say things like good job or I'm so proud of you that you took a shower. This was especially true when my boyfriend and his mother shared an apartment. Since they both got their own places she will call and tell him from time to time that she took a shower and she still expects praise or if he's visiting on a very rare occasion she will say oh I showered this morning and expect praise. She would when they still shared an apartment more times than not through a fit if she did not get that praise.

As for how long would and does she go without showering or bathing she would and does go days and weeks sometimes even a month or so before she will shower. Sometimes her stench would get so bad that it would travel from room to room or if we took her out in public with us say shopping her stench would follow her throughout the store and other people other Shoppers would smell her stench and kind of give her a funny look and walk away quickly. If she noticed this she would get upset about it and either make comments to us about it or start walking through the store, having a conversation with herself out loud about it. Which made more people look at her and kind of make comments to each other.

My boyfriend's mother has pretty much been this way most of her life or at least since the very late 70s or early 80s when she got married and even after she divorced my boyfriend's Dad around 2009 she continued to be like this. People ( mental health professionals, doctors, professionals at interact and a few family members and strangers) have tried to help her to understand that she's not a little kid and she needs to bathe herself and take care of herself. She has no physical disability and has never had any physical disability that have prevented her from or made her not capable of taking care of herself, bathing herself, etc. She also has been tested for for age-related things like dementia and every time they have said she does not have dementia she has never had dementia or any similar mental health issue. She is in her very early 50s and like I said before she has always been this way. Even her ex-husband has said this and he has been with her since she was about 18 or 19 years old.

Has anyone else's spouse, family member, parent, Etc been like this? Or is this unique situation? Just curious. I'm not very good with wording things sometimes so please excuse my words and feel free to ask questions if confused.

[1footouttadefog]

A woman I know has a spouse diagnosed as grandiose narc/anti social personality disoders.

He goes without bathibg and usually has very bad breath.  This is intentional.  Must be something some of them due

[livinginmyhead]

It is now hot, summer weather.  He is wearing sweats and sitting or sleeping under a heavy blanket and we have no air conditioning.  I asked him if he was too sick to shower.  No, he is "saving water".

Last time I looked ,water is a whole lot cheaper than furniture destroyed with old man stink.

So gross.

[blunk]

My BPDxh was the literal opposite, showering sometimes 3-4 times a day. In later years I came to wonder if he was trying to wash away something that water would never dissolve.