Delightful passive aggressive comment

Boat Babe · February 18, 2019, 05:44:29 PM

I visit my elderly mother as much as possible given that I live 100 miles away. Since Christmas, I have a delightful rescue puppy who is an absolute bundle of furry joy. My mother actually likes dogs so it's not a major problem but she came up with a real doozy yesterday. Zac follows me everywhere and snuggles up against me whenever I sit down. She obviously finds this problematical and said "That dog is too attached to you for my liking." I didn't even react, it was so pathetic. Yes mum, the dog loves me for who I am. Wish you did!!!

looloo · February 18, 2019, 07:38:21 PM

dogs rule!
Good for you for not responding!

moglow · February 18, 2019, 08:28:11 PM

Quote"That dog is too attached to you for my liking."

GOOD NEWS!! She doesn't have to like it.

alphaomega · February 18, 2019, 10:35:59 PM

My mother out right asked me about my dog "isn't it time he moved on now ?"

I asked what she meant by that.

She said, you know, die.

WomanInterrupted · February 19, 2019, 12:29:01 AM

Alphaomega - Evil Me would have had a HARD time not responding to your mom, "Isn't it time you moved on?"

Boat Babe - My favorite breed is Rescued!

In my many years of experience with Rescue animals, I've come to the conclusion that on some level, they *know* - and I think it could be a part of the reason why the bond is so strong.

And yes - that applies to cats, too.

And as Moglow said, your mom doesn't have to like it. And I'm also glad you didn't respond.

Zac obviously has good taste in humans, which is something your mother seems to lack. (Zac, running away from your mom and to you, for a cuddle) ---->

But...beware. Your mom might start buying all kinds of toys and treats you don't approve of *in order to sway his allegiance.*

I shit you not. Sometimes they're *that* desperate and *that* jealous!

UnBPD Didi actually got herself banned from our house, after feeding our pets lunch meat that had been in her purse for God only knows how long, in some kind of sick competition to get their affection. When I told her to NOT feed it to them, she just snarled, "I'm the grandma! I can do what I want!"

At the time, I wouldn't have known a boundary if I fell over it, and didn't know I could tell her to STOP and to LEAVE.

So I let it happen and dealt with the fallout for a couple of days - GI distress (which Didi found HILARIOUS!

) - then decided she was never coming back.

THAT was an easy decision, because it was about the pets.

If your mom tries something similar, you might have to resort to the same thing - if possible, put it down to constant renovations, that kick up SO much dust; she doesn't want to breathe *that* - and you're only thinking of her health...

spring13 · February 19, 2019, 01:02:10 PM

Oh my dear lord. Too much for her liking, eh? Sometimes our disordered parents really don't like 4-legged competition. It highlights something about *them* that they're uncomfortable with. Same goes with that horrible comment that your mom made, Alphaomega. Just can't stand that we have healthy attachments with other beings, human and pup alike. They don't like it because they can't/don't want to achieve that kind of affection, loyalty, and care for another being.

We have two rescue pups (I agree with WI--that's the best breed!!) Our first is friendly, confident (our second is on the shy side), and always up for someone to pet him. But our confident little guy was NOT comfortable around my mom. He loved my dad, but if he suddenly found himself alone in the room with my mom, he got out of there as fast as he could. Now, this pup is really good at reading the energy of other pups--he can tell from a mile away if another dog is unstable. I truly think he could tell the same thing about my mother!

JayBird · February 19, 2019, 05:03:35 PM

I have an aged uNmil who is sooo competitive that she "competes by proxy". If uNmil happens to be visiting (rare event), she will always compare our family dog to her GC adult daughter's dog. Mother-in-law does not have a dog, but likes to rank GC's dog higher than our dog. She likes to go on and on how much praise and attention her GC gets (from community -at-large) for having such a great, amazing, beautiful, smart, clever dog.... uNmill also likes to tell me over and over again how many miles her GC adult daughter walks her dog ( 3 miles) and then asks me how many miles I walk my dog.

Ugggg. Unbearable.

But.....when she happens to be visiting.....I do tend to take very very long time walking my dog , just me and my awesome dog!

alphaomega · February 20, 2019, 08:47:13 PM

Hahaha WI !! Darn it, I need you on speed dial for those zingers Lolol.

She's gotten in a couple doozies the last few days.

I'm down with strep. She LOVES LOVES LOVES when I'm sick because then she can pull out her "I practiced nursing 65 years ago so I know everything" crap. :

Ready for this one ?

She says "Hmmmph. Wellllll. I am sorry YOU are sick, but I'm sure glad it's NOT ME ! I always get sick around my birthday in March"

To which I responded "Hmmmmph. Welllll. Sounds to me like you might have just jinxed yourself old girl!"

Wherever is the "Mother Of The Year Award" when you need it ?!?!?

In another conversation she slammed DH for "He's not a hard worker, but at least he takes care of you when your sick".

She must have sensed I was completely over her, because she called today to "check on me" and lamented on and on and on about how terribly lonely she was

:

I said - get on that $2000.00 scooter I bought you and go down to the living area of the AL and try being nice to someone.

I haven't heard yet if she managed to make it out the apartment door....

Poison Ivy · February 20, 2019, 10:59:49 PM

My former FIL would make cruel comments about our (ex-h's and my) dogs, including things like suggesting that we shoot the dogs when they were sick. I never have figured out if this was because he was jealous of the attention we paid to the dogs, didn't like dogs, or did like dogs and was upset that the dogs didn't like him.

daughter · February 21, 2019, 09:51:42 AM

My malevolent NBM hated fact that I had friends. Hated fact I had a pet dog. Hated fact that her daughters had in-laws, who lived out-of-state, who wanted to visit on occasion. Attention needed to remain on NBM, at all times, with no diverting issues or problems to cloud that constant attention.

Boat Babe · February 23, 2019, 12:48:35 PM

OMG alpha Omega, it's like our mothers are twins, and both of them are the evil one!!!! I so recognize your mother's tactics. A similar doozy, right ....
So over the road from my mother, literally, is a fantastic activity centre for the over 55s. The do EVERYTHING from learning all sorts of things, crafts, arts, reading groups, talks, walking groups, local history, you name it, they do it. Ever the fixer, I pop over there, have a nice chat to the lady in Reception, and come back with a packed leaflet of activities, and a heart brimming with hope. Nah, mate. S'never going to happen. She almost screamed at me "There's nothing for me there" or words to that effect. I had even offered to pay, but no Mum, choose bitterness, isolation and misery, why don't you.

As I write this I can see some emotions coming to the surface. Another one to let go of. ❤️

AnneH · March 21, 2019, 05:55:31 AM

Wow! What is it with PDs and animals? I have never had a dog myself, nor had uNM, but I can totally imagine her making that kind of passive-agressive comment. I recall that, whenever I got tired of her nasty comments about any and every aspect of my life, she would accuse me of "just wanting her to be like a puppy because they give unconditional love no matter what." I now have two daughters and...yes, that is exactly the kind of love I have for them. Aren't mothers supposed to do that automatically?