selective incompetence ... a vignette

[Elsbeth]

just wanted to share this here. perhaps it can help someone going forward.

as i divorce and co parent ... i am acutely aware that the uNPD-ex uses selective incompetence. after a decade of "divorcing", i found that term here in the site. And it fits like a well worn pair of jeans for the ex-uNPD.

You see the ex is a highly experience financial person. And yet tries in every. single. reconciliation. to grab a nickel or a dime or an extra $250 for themselves. also, this time around in the reconciliation of a shared court ordered bill there is the selective treatment of items on the bill.

In the past, anything the ex deemed "not in network" would not be paid. And in the past, anything "in network" would not have a bill - at least according to the ex-uNPD - well that is what the ex-uNPD would tell the court. This time around there is an item for over a thousand dollars the ex credits to themselves from an "in network" provider (one that has been used in the family for decades). Oh, and again, selective incompetence, there is no corresponding bill or proof of that necessary credit ( no proof of payment of that amount by the ex, no proof of a bill of that amount by the ex).

I am laughing only in that the ex-uNPD thinks they got one over on me, thinks they are winning.

But that I know this is there game, and that I am out of give a sh|ts with the game, I am laughing. It is that selective incompetence that is used to keep contact, when I would have none otherwise, it is that selective incompetence being used to attempt to have me engage in EXPLAINING to the ex-uNPD.



I've chosen to see all these nickel and dime, and erroneous credits, as a cover charge. It is a cover charge to me, by the universe, for connecting with an NPD. Once children are emancipated the cover charge ends. I like to think the cover charge I pay, and the few times I come on board here to write about my experience, helps in some small way in preventing another human from enmeshment with an NPD.

But to the ex-uNPD, I know what your doing and I happily choose not to engage. That is worth more than the nickels and dimes.

So as you divorce, be aware. With medical you want to have clear and concise court ordered specifications on who pays what and when and what is allowed. Even go so far as to tell your attorney that no payment will be made and no credit applied unless the medical bill, EOB, and proof of payment are shown for any given medical/dental/mental health care bill.

And remember, if the ex is the guarantor of the insurance - it is THEIR ADDRESS that gets put on every form to be filled out relating to the insurance and payment. Their insurance = their bill.