It's been a long road... more miles to come.

[aybabtu]

Hi All,
It's been a very long time since I have been on here. For those who don't know me, I was in a very abusive and toxic marriage; I tried to get my STBXW back when we were together to go to counseling and of course "[she] wasn't the problem." I put up with things for about two years before finally, I recognized that it was time to leave. She filed about five days after I departed.

The process started with her not wanting to give me any overnights with my child; she reasoned that in the past I haven't woken up if our child merely moved or rolled over in her crib. She had constant paranoia about SIDS. Along with all of this, during my marriage, she would keep me pretty sleep deprived, as she would address her "grievances" for the day right before bed, those would turn into long drawn out circular arguments. Since I was the only one working I rightly so had to get some rest. 

I am candidly fed-up with the legal process. While I know it's a "process," it seems like there are a lot of unjust things that can occur because of it. Take for instance when you have no overnights with your child because of the hypersensitive dreamland that she was living in had her believing that our child would expire in my custody. After three month's of that, I asked the court for relief, but NO you can't see the judge till you go through mediation.... What the [expletive]. So I had to wait another few months to go through mediation to have an impasse, we had to wait another few months to sit in front of a judge.

Meanwhile, her attorney motioned for an appointment of a Guardian Ad Litem. So we have a hearing in the judge's chambers, and the Guardian Ad Litem motion was heard first. I think the court wants to be overly cautious, so she appoints one. Then the judge finds out that I haven't had an overnight since I left nine months prior. The judge was very ticked off; she lectured my STBXW for about 30 minutes on how deprived I was from having a relationship with my daughter. I have to say not only did my STBXW deprive me but the system did too.

So now, I have regular overnight, and it's pretty equitable timesharing. The Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) has been on the case and has vindicated me. GAL has seen crazy come out with STBXW.

So now it's been about a year since the case commenced, the elections happened and guess what, we have a new judge. The new judge starts and sends us back to mediation to handle equitable distribution primarily (keep in mind I have been advised to continue providing for the marital home, pay all her bills...lawyer says I will get a payment back in the end); of course, it's my duty as a father to provide for my daughter. That's why I left the toxic environment because if stayed in it for any longer I would not be able to work... I must take care of myself so that I can take care of my daughter. In other words, I am a self-proclaiming "Not-A-Deadbeat Dad."

Now we are going on 14 months, back to mediation......
Whew!!! Thanks for listening. I feel like I am playing a game of wack-a-mole..... never ends.....

[Whiteheron]

I get it. The courts are painfully slow to do anything. It took the courts a year to 'allow' me to leave that toxic environment with the kids (it's a long story). I filed just over two years ago, and we are still back and forth in court. It is never ending.

I'm so glad you now have overnights with your little one.

[Spygirl]

So happy you are fighting so hard for yourself and your daughter! Never give up. So sorry for the drama you have to tolerate. I can relate to that.

[Mintstripes]

I remember you.
The courts are slow as... you know lol
You are doing great.
The true colors always come out.

Good thoughts to you and your little one. You have made much progress.