Personal Hygiene

Started by Freeatforty, February 25, 2019, 01:38:24 AM

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Freeatforty

Is it common for NPD to neglect personal hygiene? If yes, why? Is there a known reason for it?
My parents both smell often and have done so for ages so it's not an old age thing. My mother has had absolutely disgusting, neglected feet since I can remember, too, and it was not uncommon to find her used hygiene pads lying around in the house when we were growing up.

Best,
Freeatforty

Amadahy

Yes! My Nmother did the same w pads and has always been iffy in cleanliness. I've often wondered about this, too. 
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

Freeatforty

Isn't it strange? I have this paranoia now and always check several times if I really put everything in the bin.  ::)
Also we had to fight for every shower when we were growing up because we were supposed to save water (although that was more my father's idea). They also did not tell us to brush our teeth regularly when we were kids. My youngest brother, who still lives at home, looks like a homeless person.  :sadno:

This is all so sick!

JustKat

I never noticed that my NPDmother had poor hygiene (no odor, anyway), but she always looked like a slob. She dressed in a slovenly manner and never wore a bra. She'd put on a bra when she had to go out, but at home she was always flopping around in front of the kids, including my GC brother who was a young boy at the time. It was gross.

She also tried to prevent ME from maintaining good hygiene. She was always yelling at me for showering too much, refused to buy me deodorant or let me wash my hair. I always thought she did it to make me an outcast at school and prevent me from having friends. I'd sneak out behind her back to buy grooming products.

Freeatforty

The not letting the kids shower/groom/shave seems to be very common, too. And I always thought we were the only ones! When our parents were away they would switch off the hot water so we only could have ice cold showers. My god, this forum is such an eye opener!
I am so sorry that you had to endure the same shit as us. :-[

all4peace

My mother strictly limited showering for me (maybe my siblings also?) due to water issues that didn't seem to impact how often she and my father used water. As a high schooler, I tried sneaking showers or quick hair washing to not have to go to school with obviously greasy hair. I got in trouble for that. I eventually learned how to powder my hair with baby powder so it wasn't so obviously greasy. It makes me so sad to think of how hard I tried to just not look awful at school, and for how sickly controlling my parents were with absolutely no regard for what we needed.

My parents had great hygiene themselves. I'm so sorry for what you describe with your parents.

Freeatforty

All4peace, I know how you must have felt. I remember washing my hair with cold water over the sink regularly because I could not stand the thought of going to school with oily hair.
Also they did not take us to the dermatologist to have our acne treated. We had not the worst case of acne but bad enough to make us sef conscious. They just said we did not have acne, just a few pimples.

JustKat

QuoteAlso they did not take us to the dermatologist to have our acne treated.

Yes, this too! I had terrible acne but Nmother refused to take me to a doctor or even buy me OTC acne products. She lectured me about it being a part of growing up, and how "going to school isn't a beauty contest." I became so desperate I'd take rubbing alcohol from the bathroom and use it on my face in an attempt to dry out the acne. As a result I had bright red and badly inflamed skin. I have one school photo where I'm red as a beet.

A few years later when GC brother got acne, he was taken to the best dermatologists money could buy.  :'(

Freeatforty

Quote from: JustKathy on February 25, 2019, 02:21:14 PM
QuoteAlso they did not take us to the dermatologist to have our acne treated.

Yes, this too! I had terrible acne but Nmother refused to take me to a doctor or even buy me OTC acne products. She lectured me about it being a part of growing up, and how "going to school isn't a beauty contest." I became so desperate I'd take rubbing alcohol from the bathroom and use it on my face in an attempt to dry out the acne. As a result I had bright red and badly inflamed skin. I have one school photo where I'm red as a beet.

A few years later when GC brother got acne, he was taken to the best dermatologists money could buy.  :'(

My GCbrother also got treatment. The craziest thing is that we have free universal healthcare where I live - so it would not have cost a thing to go with my other brother and me to a doctor.

I can remember her telling the story how I had pneumonia when I was really little and when she finally went to see a doctor he scolded her for waiting so long - and she was totally affronted that he dared to do that. Also, they did not take my middle brother to see a doctor when he badly burnt himself. He still has the scar.

Marinette

Yup! I can completely relate.
I actually posted here previously about this exact same problem!!!
My unPD mother has bad hygiene habits and always had them. Now it's worse because when she visits me and my family she stays with us, and my husband notices her terrible habits and Is grossed out. As an example, she does not bring enough underwear and washes her underwear by hand and hangs it right on top of the towels in the guest bathroom.  The underwear is old and worn out. 
We have a washing and drying machine and do laundry regularly. I don't get it.
She does not/ did not wear a bra. She does not do laundry and prefers to just "air out" the clothes.
She did not/does not  wear deodorant and doesn't seem to care about BO while everyone else can smell it.
She never shaved her legs.
I can go on and on....


BunnyLover

My UPD Mom was a horrible hoarder, and when I was a teen in the 80's she was upset because she was passed over for a promotion. I said nothing because I knew she'd explode, but really wanted to tell her that not getting the promotion probably wasn't because of her sex or age. It was because she hated doing any housework SO MUCH that to keep laundry to a minimum she'd take out 2 pantsuits every week, and wear one Mon, Wed and Fri and the other Tues and Thurs, and expected no one at her job to notice, or even remember what she wore the day before yesterday.   :blink:  :doh: They were loud patterned 1970's pantsuits too, not like generic black business suits or anything.

Zebrastriped

Yikes, brings back terrible memories.  uBPDmom never showered or used a toothbrush.  On the up side, she was never awake early enough to keep me out of the shower.  She also did not know how to cut her nails.  She taught no personal grooming activities whatsoever, in the days before internet and self help videos.

Blech, Blech, Blech.  She died recently and most of clothes are going to the dump, courtesy of zebrastriped.

AD

PD, Narc-tendencies parent apparently rarely showers these days. I've heard that other parent will say something about it, and PD parent ignores. Apparently they also have terrible breath most of the time and don't seem to do anything about it.

The shower in the house also broke at one point, and they refused to either fix it or pay to have it fixed (both were feasible options). It stayed broken for many years. Eventually a family member who didn't live there came in and fixed it of their own volition, otherwise I doubt it ever would have been fixed.

PD parent at one stage also started using the toilet in the morning, closing the lid, and not flushing. Based on the living/work situation at the time, I was the only one who would discover this. I'm sure they were doing it to spite me.

Another random memory: once when my parents went on a trip, PD parent took my toothbrush instead of their own. Did they use it so rarely they didn't even know which one was theirs? No clue. Although I had seen them brush using only water before (when toothpaste was available).

They also dressed in old, worn out, stained clothes around the house/yard - to the point that it was embarrassing. I never knew if it was just because they didn't know how to dress/what else to wear, or felt like it would be wrong to wear anything other than near-destroyed clothes at home. I still don't know.

BPDParent1

So strange that this is a common issue.  My uBPD father has the worst hygiene.  Lets his toenails grow out to absolutely disgusting lengths, doesn't wash his clothes and rarely showers due to not wanting to use too much water (another strange commonality it seems).  His house is really dirty and her refuses to clean it (says he doesn't have time) or hire someone to clean it (they will steal something - not sure what).  When anyone brings it up he refuses to acknowledge it.   I think it's a reflection of their mental health - it's almost as if they're so out of touch with reality that they don't even notice.

JustKat

As gross as my Nmother could be for most of the year (frumpy clothes, dirty hair, no bra), she'd become completely obsessed with having a ridiculously clean house the few times a year we had relatives come over to visit. She would spend days prepping for it, going through the house room by room. After cleaning each room, she'd tape it off and put a sign on it telling us to "STAY OUT-ROOM CLEANED." By the last day, we'd be confined to one room and screamed at if we touched anything.

When my relatives arrived it was obvious to them that the house had been excessively cleaned. One Aunt often made comments under her breath how unnecessary it was. It would appear that Nmother knew she was a slob, but HAD to put on the appearance of the perfect wife and mother when others came over. Once our guests left, she went right back to being a slob, so she knew things were unclean. She didn't care about us seeing it but was very concerned about how she looked to others.

Rize

My NPD mother is a complete grot bag. Firstly she's a hoarder, and she's never bothered cleaning, so much so that I wouldn't have friends over (or try aand failn to scrub clean the house first). She used to tell me off for showering/being clean. Would refuse to wash my clothes, including period blood stained underwear when it happened.
I used to try and wash them in the bathroom sink with hand soap.

Caught mother eating food that was dropped on the floor of a public restroom.

The last time she left my home, for good, I filled up a bin bag full of her used tissues that she'd thrown around my kids' bedroom.

I'd say, from the sounds of it, personality disorders and being a filth magnet go hand in hand.

Rock Chick

Quote from: BPDParent1 on March 11, 2019, 08:00:34 PM
My uBPD father has the worst hygiene.  Lets his toenails grow out to absolutely disgusting lengths.

My bfs malignant bpd etc mother does this as well. Her toe nails get very long, have turned colors, changed texture  and are full of dirt and probably fungus or something. She will a few times a year go to the mall to a nail shop to get them clipped. I feel so bad for whomever is the brave soul who does her nails for her. If I was rich I'd tip that woman or man a thousand dollars for having to trim my bfs mom's nails and for the person having to put up with my bfs mom yelling, being rude, being demanding, threatening, etc during her time at place. Idk why she has to be that way. Its like after all she is the one that wanted her nails done n she was one that went there. Anyone elses pd person do this?

Rize

My mother never had problems with her fingernails (never actually seen her feet :/), byt she DID have fleas living in her hair! Not nits, FLEAS.

Rize

Just re-read all the posts on here, not sure how I missed it, but my mother also used to be weird with sanitary towels - when she DID use the washing machine and I emptied it, it'd be clogged up with used towels that she'd chuck in with her knickers -.-

Moxie890

Ewww! My mom was always very well groomed and put together. She is the type of person who never leaves the house without makeup, but one gross thing stands out to me now. She never taught us to wash our hands after using the bathroom, even in public restrooms, and she herself never did. I figure it had nothing to do with appearances, so she didn't care?