Induced conversation

[11JB68]

This was mentioned in another post. I'm curious to understand this. Can anyone provide more information? All I can find are videos and I don't have an opportunity to watch one.
Thank you.

[clara]

I'll try to answer this best I can and understand, 11, because information on it is kind of vague (at least to me) and doesn't define it so much as show how it comes about, i.e., engaging in a conversation with a NPD isn't a normal conversation but rather one controlled by the narc.  The topic is directed and controlled from their point of view only. What they say may or may not be true, it may not even be relevant--the entire point is to engage you until you "lose" to the narc.  The narc already has the outcome in mind--to show you how much they know, how much better or smatter they are than you, how much "righter" they are than you etc.  They will deliberately start a conversation with you by making some statement they know will trigger a response from you, just in order to engage you.  The best defense against this is to not engage to start with, the gray rock technique.  But if you do, they'll keep on until you yield to them, giving them a perceived victory, which is all they want.  It's part of their need for supply.

[11JB68]

Thanks Clara. Some day I'll try to watch a video. Updh does some of this I think. He seems to do it under the guise of using a sort of socratic method, where he asks a question of me but trying to get me to give the 'right' answer. Also if he is trying to get me to engage and I don't want to, he will push me with comments like 'it would be good if you had an opinion' (but in an annoyed tone).

[Sojourner17]

I've been listening to a Margalis Fjelstad audiobook. I think she gives an example of this where the bpd/npd is pushing for you to have a piece of pie, eventually leading to making statements like "you don't care about me".  She says to not engage, just say no thank you... nothing else, no matter what is said back or how they try to get you to engage, take the pie, agree or whatever. Maybe this would be an example of induced conversation?
Seriously, when I was listening to that portion of the book I was thinking... that's my goal! To be that cool and calm and collected that I could hold that line/boundary and still be in contact with my parents!