Narents just turned up at my door after 4 months NC

[Foxbrown]

So I am back for advice again. I'll try to keep it short this time.

Been NC with NPDm & NPD gc sis since July 18. NC with Enf since Oct 18. This has been bliss for me. I have had multiple flying money attempts which I have managed, however distressing they were at the start. It's hard dealing with FM but well worth it to escape the abuse. A couple of weeks ago I started getting direct contact attempts from narents. All ignored by me.

However, they have just turned up at my door! Luckily I saw them pull up so I drew the blinds and sat tight. I have a video doorbell so could see and hear everything they were doing /saying. They were walking around the house peering in windows etc for about 15 minutes. I managed to remain calm, and am ok but still a little shaken up.

I am pregnant which to my knowledge they do not know about, but my primary concern is keeping myself, my unborn baby, my young child and hubby safe and stress free. I have a high risk pregnancy and do not need the worry of more attempts at contact. Try telling that to a PD though!

Do I
a. Remain non responsive and hope they don't come back ( It's a 2 hour round trip for them ) But accept they probably will at a weekend next time so they have a better chance of catching me

b. Send an email advising I do not want to be contacted any further and to not come to my home again.

If it is the latter any wording would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance

Ps I hope one day I will be able to repay all the invaluable advice I have received from you guys over the last year. It really has kept me going through the worst time of my life!

[SunnyMeadow]

Sorry that happened to you and it's sad you had to hide in your own home. I'm not sure the best way to handle this situation but I would tend toward sending an email.

From my video doorbell and all my other security cameras, I saw you at my door and peering in my windows for 15 minutes. I do not want to have any contact with either of you or gc sis. Do not come back to my house or try to contact me by mail, email, telephone or any other form of communication. If you continue I will see it as harassment and take the necessary measures to make you stop.

[Foxbrown]

Thanks Sunnymeadow. I think I do need to just send the cease and desist email but was putting it off as I can just picture the glee in my NPD mothers eyes when she gets "contact" from me and proof that her turning up at my home has provoked a response. Also, they will love showing this "proof" that I am clearly nuts in threatening to report my dear old parents to the police for merely paying a visit to their disturbed evil daughter. Oh well, hopefully if everyone believes I'm really that bonkers they will avoid me at all costs and the contact attempts will fade away....One can dream!

[newme_whodis]

I had the exact same thing happen to me, I believe about 4 months after NC too. I called the police a few hours later, just to file a report. These reports may be important when you need to build an emergency legal case in the future– you never know. I think it's important to remember you CAN call the police in the moment as well. Unwanted contact after asking not to be contacted is stalking. And you have every right to protect your home. Their actions were invasive. Your description of what they did around the house even struck me as creepy, too.

Personally I think any contact from us other than the initial "please don't contact me" message is taken as narcissistic supply and is something to avoid. So, I wouldn't give them any indication you knew they showed up. Block them, then go do something nice for yourself.

I'm sorry this happened. I was very shaken up too, but I will say the more you believe you have the right to stand your ground, the easier it gets. Wishing you all the best, and as much relaxation as possible! 

[TwentyTwenty]

I'm very sorry to hear the trauma that you, and your unborn precious child have had to endure at the hands of your tormentors. Fortunately, I have cease & desist orders in place, and also live in a guarded deed-restricted community, so my Nparents know that the police would be involved in any trespassing stalking ventures they would attempt.

I have to agree with the 'call the police' recommendation, no one has the right to cause distress, and possibly worse to you and your child. They are trespassing and have no right to invade your privacy. Police involvement will give them that message where they can understand it clearly.

[WomanInterrupted]

I'm so sorry that happened, Foxbrown!

But I'm glad you got to the drapes and blinds, and were able to just watch the insanity from the privacy of your own home. 

I know there are plenty of templates online for C&D letters, but do you think your mom will have glee in her eyes if she gets a letter from a *lawyer* - on the firm's letterhead - stating C&D? 

A C&D isn't legally binding - but it IS a good step to take if you suspect you may have to take out a restraining order, in the future.

Besides, seeing that legal letterhead?  She may not *know* it's not legally binding, and merely a request.  (It's not worded like a request, though.)

I'd pay the money to a lawyer and consider it well spent - it might just spook your parents enough to make them leave you alone.   

And they'll know you *told somebody.*  Yes - you dished family dirt to an *outsider.*  How DARE you tell the family secrets  *that make them look bad!?*   

And she may realize  you are *documenting everything* (if you're not - please start, immediately.  You'll thank yourself later!  Times, dates, type of attempt, saved emails, snail mails, voice mails, recordings of them snooping around your house - everything and anything) - and could use her "well meaning"    attempts against her.

Something from a lawyer, I think, will have a lot more bite than an online C&D letter.  It shows you are *serious* enough to retain an attorney, who will work on your behalf - and I don't know  if this is a PD trait or not, but most of the PDs I've known are *terrified* of lawyers, because lawyers speak a language they don't, based on *facts* and *the law.*   

It's like a form of science, in its own way, and there *are no feels in science.*   

There are no feels in the law, either.   

I don't know if you've ever watched Judge Judy, but you often hear, "Your Honor, I don't feel like I owe her the money because..."

JJ will often roar, "I don't CARE what you feel!  You signed a contract!"

No, PDs do *not* fare well in her courtroom.   

It's just something to consider - but the contact wouldn't be from *you.*  It will be from your *legal representative.*   

Your parents can shoot their mouths off to whomever they like, saying, "Can you believe the nerve of that crazy, mentally-ill daughter of  ours!?  She hired a lawyer to send us a letter to cease and desist!  She's even worse than we thought!"   

Normal people will probably start looking at the situation differently, and realizing where the real problem is - and it's not you. 

It really is the truth - if you give them enough rope, eventually, they will hang themselves with it.

Do what you have to do, to protect you and yours.  You are *worth it.* 

[qcdlvl]

I'm sorry you're going through all this, particularly when you're expecting.
I agree with the above - a cease & dessist letter from a lawyer, sent via signed delivery, with the obvious implication you've lawyered up, will signal that you're serious about there being consequences. Yes, they might get supply out of crying to anyone who will listen about you doing this, but the prospect of having a protection order or a restraining order taken against them, of them being arrested for trespassing or harrasssment, or sued for harrassment (which won't make them look good to third parties), is something I doubt they want. 
In any case, please document, document, document, get cameras installed if necessary, etc, and get a "no trespassing" sign.

[orb]

i've endured two direct approaches by family i am NC with, over the last 3 years.
both times, i have gray-rocked the heck out of them and calmly and monotonously told them to go away, i don't want any contact, and don't bother sending your spies either......all while my heart was hammering, my adrenalin was surging, and my blood pressure was way up there somewhere.
both times it has taken weeks for me to regain my equilibrium.

i have vowed if it ever happens again, i am simply going to pick up my phone and say, "this is stalking, and i am going to call the police".
i might follow up with the laywer letter. yes, of course, they would show such a letter to EVERYONE, but the only people who would agree that it is proof that i am an evil, misguided, ungrateful whackjob, are their toadies, and hangers-on....and i am done giving them any energy.