NC and funerals.....

Started by Starboard Song, March 04, 2019, 07:18:03 PM

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Starboard Song

March 04, 2019, 07:18:03 PM
Well, it was just about time for another I-am- going-to-see- this- person-at-a- funeral post.

We are 3 1/2 years NC from my in-laws. MIL's little brother has had a severe accident and is given just a day or two to live. It's a few hours away for us, but it is a large family and we will go to the funeral. It will be the first time DS16 has seen his grandparents in three years.

We preparing ourselves for the hurt, the anger, and all the terrible complexity.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

all4peace

#1
March 04, 2019, 07:21:54 PM
Deep, slow breaths. I'm so sorry, Starboard. I can only imagine the fear and anxiety. Something that has helped me a lot in navigating family contact the last couple years is to remember "Nobody has ever died of awkwardness." I think it's Spring Butterfly whose tagline also advocates for preparing for self-care afterwards. One last thing that has helped me is to remember that I can manage my own behavior (it gives me something to focus on), stay aware of my FOC in the midst of it, and go back to connection and memory-making with FOC once we're through the unpleasant encounter.

I hope for your sake all stays calm.

practical

#2
March 04, 2019, 09:10:17 PM
Wishing you peace and calmness as you navigate this difficult situation.

What has helped me is to review my options beforehand, to think about possible scenarios and how I'll handle them, doing mental role play. Even if none of the thought about scenarios happen and instead something else gets thrown at me, my mind and heart are ready and much better able to handle what comes at them due to the "warm-up".
If I'm not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when I'm only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when?" (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

moglow

#3
March 04, 2019, 09:31:44 PM
I'm so sorry to read this.  Wishing you - all of you - peace, brother.  As suggested, think through possibilities but remember people may still surprise you.  Y'all pay respects in your own way and your own time. As always, protect your family and do what you feel is best.  Breathe and let go of anything that holds you back. 
"She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
"Expectations are disappointments under construction." ~Capn Spanky, The Nook circa 2005ish

Amadahy

#4
March 05, 2019, 10:06:21 AM
Best thoughts and warm wishes for your family's peace, SS.
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

GentleSoul

#5
March 07, 2019, 02:26:35 AM
Oh dear, I know that feeling well.  Wishing you strength and calmness to get through this.
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