Telling my sister No!?

[Absent Minded Artist]

So my 1/2 sister (same mom, different father) just turned 18. I watched her pet rabbit while they were on vacation, and it turns out the bunny has been horribly neglected. I've always known that she didn't care for him properly but I'm just now learning how bad off he is.

So long story short, I've decided that I'm not giving her bunny back. How should I approach this? She isn't diagnosed but shows all the signs of BPD.  Her NPD father will likely make the situation much worse.

[WomanInterrupted]

I think I can help - and thank you for being kind to the bunny!   

First, take the bunny to a veterinarian, so the bunny's condition can be documented, and you can explain that you're trying to obtain ownership, because you can't stand to see the bunny suffer.  (You want to be CLEAR that this isn't your bunny - yet - and he/she does belong to another person.)

Ask for a copy of their notes.  Explain that you need them to prove your point to the owner in why she should surrender the bunny to you.

After that, I'd suggest telling your sister you've noticed the terrible shape the bunny is in and took him/her to a veterinarian.  It's in her best interest to surrender the bunny to you, OR you can report her to the SPCA for animal neglect/cruelty.

Those are the options.  What's her pleasure? 

If she says the bunny isn't in that bad of shape - or wasn't when she dropped the bunny off with you, so this is YOUR fault - that's when you whip out the vet's notes, and read off what they say. 

They'll probably include words like long-term malnourishment, or long-term illnesses or infections. 

And oh - the vet's bill?  If she's keeping the bunny, it is HER responsibility to *pay you back* for acting as her proxy.  (A pet sitter would require the same thing.)

If the bill is large bill, and the bunny came home with lots of meds, that might be enough for her to surrender the bunny to you.   

Okay - say she does give you the bunny.  That's when you give her back anything she paid you to take care of him/her for the week, and reimburse her for any food, toys or bedding/litter she sent.

That's being *fair.* 

If your sister *didn't* pay you - or provide enough food and litter/bedding, that *alone* might be enough for you to retain ownership.  (Typically, pet sitters are PAID.)

If she refuses, call Animal Control or the SPCA, report your sister for abuse or neglect, and read off the vet's report to them - and if you think she won't properly medicate the bunny or follow the vet's advice, advise them of that, too.

And that's all you can do, except advise the SPCA you'd like to adopt the bunny, since you were the one who took him/her to the vet.  You'd like to be responsible for the bunny's care as he/she convalesces, and see what they say.

They're all different - some welcome a foster environment (before the formal adoption), and some don't.

If your sister insists you owe her $20 for the rabbit - FINE.  Give her the $20, but *write up or print up RECEIPTS before she leaves - and have her sign them, indicating she's surrendering the bunny to you.

She gets a copy, and you keep a copy.

If she insists on a ridiculously inflated price for the bunny, hoping to shake you down - wave that vet bill in her face and tell he that's what she owes YOU.

It's a plan you can follow - or use as a template, to come up with something you know will work, since you obviously know  your sister better than I do - but often, large expenses incurred by an animal or ongoing medical conditions are often reasons people surrender them. 

I hope it helps - and I hope the bunny has a new home with you, with little or no fuss from your sister. 

[goodgirl]

WomanInterrupted, you so awesome.

[Absent Minded Artist]

Thank you so much, Woman Interrupted

I'm wondering if I can approach it in a different way, since I really can't afford a vet visit right now. Like maybe if I message her and I can practice the script here? Something like:

I noticed that the bunny is in terrible shape. His cage is way too small, he isn't fed the proper diet, his nails haven't been cared for, and he has an infection in his foot from sitting in a dirty cage.

Since I've been caring for him, his health has improved and he is happy and content. He loves my cat so he has a playmate. I'm home alot so he gets to roam around and play.

I've decided it's in the best interest of the bunny for me to keep him. You can come visit him when you want.

What do you guys think? I'm not sure how to phrase it without JADE.

[appaloosa]

     I think that perhaps you should begin with a less confrontational approach since your goal is to save the bunny. Maybe you could say "My cat and the bunny have really bonded. Would you consider selling him to me for say $20?" And if she agrees, get the agreement in writing, if possible. I wouldn't mention anything about "coming to visit whenever you want"--what if she grabs the bunny during a visit and says "I've changed my mind, I want him back!"? If she's got him in her hands and leaves with him, it's not going to do you much good even if if you have a sales contract. 'Possession 9/10 of the law. ' And who knows what she might do to him in retaliation toward you?
    If she reuses your request to buy him, then you can pull out all the stops and say you're not returning him because he has been mistreated, and follow the steps outlined by WI. I think you should try to pony up the vet bill to CYA.

[Absent Minded Artist]

So the whole situation blew up and I ended up giving the bunny back to her. She threatened to call the cops, and normally I would have called her bluff but I've been ill and just didn't have it in me to fight.

I've gone NC with her and another sibling for the time being. I feel sad because an animal is suffering but I had to take care of myself.

Thanks for your responses. Love to you all.

[appaloosa]

I'm sorry you had to deal with all that stress. You can still call animal control--even anonymously--and report her. Hope you're feeling better soon!

[FinallyPeace]

I'm sorry you had to deal with all that stress. You can still call animal control--even anonymously--and report her. Hope you're feeling better soon!

Yes, please call animal control, OP.  Not fair for the bunny. 

[LoverofPeace]

Hello,

I agree with everyone.

Please call animal control. Please don't let your sister do that to that furry baby.

Trust, I completely understand you're not feeling well and up to this fight with these narcs, especially FOO. It's so very hard.

But treat her like the stranger she is by detaching and try saving someone who is helpless. This bunny had hope and now he doesn't again. Hate to hear about situations like this.

The cage thing has always burned me too. To know people are doing this to animals who they should be taking care of by giving them a "home" and they still are made to live their lives out in a cage? What's the difference between that and living in a shelter?

This whole thing truly saddens me to know narcs have easy access to any helpless babies, whether human or animal.

Don't feel guilty because you tried; but do what you are able to and definitely pray for help.

Hard as it may be, I'd think hard about making that call and telling them everything/offer to give him a safe home.

Praying for you (literally). All the best and keep us up to date, if only for support from the stressful feelings. 

[whatthefog]

Ugh I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree to anonymously call animal control. She will likely know it's you, but that's okay. You keep your no contact and distance and don't respond when she starts calling you angrily. This is common I think in PD. My sister had such strange situations with her pets, one dog who she completely neglected and while a friend was watching it, took it to the vet and found it was malnourished so they surrendered it. That's the chaos that they create. Adults, animals, children doesn't matter. Only the last two don't have much of a say in what happens to them as a result, so we need to help advocate for them if we can.