auf wiedershen pet

[bloke]

Not sure if this is the right place, but it is a separation.

in December I got back with my now ex gf with BPD.

That lasted up til last week, over dinner one evening she told me she was in love someone she had an affair with for two years whilst she was married, but he didn't want her, she gave me the fone number of the man (loose term) I called him as to why he didn't want her, he put the fone down on me gutless numpty, I got up and walked out of the restaurant after she said she didn't love me and she only wanted to use me whilst she found her own place, the evening after she texted me telling me intended to kill her self as she was useless waste of space and would I forgive her and give her a chance to start again, the next evening she arrived at my house I wanted the truth from her did she love me or not and if she didn't don't bother coming I deserve better.
previously when we had broken up she had slept with two men she had met one on a dating app, one when we were still together, anyway that evening she decided she was going to take a over dose, as she walked past I could see she had a handful of pills in her hand, I managed to get them out of her hand and flush most of them down the toilet, but she managed to get in the toilet and fish them out, and had another handful in her pocket which she shoved in her mouth, she laughed with the pills in her mouth and swallowed them, that's the point I had to call for a ambulance while she was saying I want too die, she fought with my mother whilst I was calling for a ambulance because its a long process than you may think, whilst we we were waiting she tried to get more pills my mothers medication and some asperin, I called the ambulance again as 50 mins had passed at that point she decided to slash her arms so I had to step up the call and dress her arm. eventually an ambulance did arrive and she left with them.

so we are not together anymore I cant be responsible for her, I cant have my life ruined, and she is on another dating app im informed just 2 days later. shes been self harming since she was 19 soon 38 and its prob her 9th attempt  she said she would keep going till she was successful, shes 100% bpd , and I am 100 % sane, but she says I controlled her, theres no way on this earth you can control someone with this condition she makes her own choices, mine is now to be alone. and yes I loved her.

[bloke]

Thanks for your replys.

She is now with someone else just 3 days of being on that dating app, someone was good enough to tell me, somehow i doubt it will last nothing ever does with her erratic behavior any sane person wouldnt be emotionally ready to move on they would give themselves time to breathe, i doubt very much her new supply know's anything at all about BPD or what will happen once she feels shes securred her victim all he can see is the sex.

[bloke]

hello 180 readers

Now about 2 weeks on.

A friend asked me , surely you cant love this woman now?.

Yes I still love this woman ive always loved this woman I am capable of that emotion I have loved before , i've done the best for this woman I can or anyone could , ive given her 2 chances to turn her life around from the life shes always lived im not her savior or saving her counselling taught me that months ago , she lived with me for 6 months or more and I offered a roof over her head , but she thought the grass was greener elsewhere living the same old life doing the same old thing in her words once like on a treadmill she could never get off , I am faithful, loyal, loving affectionate but shes slept with 3 or more other men I even directed the 'flying monkeys' to this website so they might learn something  and not what her condition depicted me to be.

[D.Dan]

Wow, bloke... This is a bit hard for me to read. You've gone through so much with her, proving over and over again how much you care for her wellbeing... only for her to hurt you back instead.

I believe you.

I loved my uPD ex as well, but I had come to the realization that he did not love me in return. He merely enjoyed what I gave him, but it also wasn't enough for him. He wanted more than reality permitted me to give. I'm only human.

I'm glad you understand that despite your love for her, you are also not responsible for her choices in life. That she is an adult and fully responsible for where she is right now. She was very lucky to have you in her life.

Take care of yourself. Your feelings for her won't just disappear. It's ok to grieve. And that love and loyalty you gave her.... you deserve it too.

[bloke]

grieving suppose is where I am like a dot, because 4 yrs ago my then gf died on me I had been with her for 6 yrs and I never imagined being with anyone else or her passing away. I have blocked her not out of spite but because I didn't the time before and she came back only to repeat her previous behaviour, right now I feel a bit lost I do still love her as I loved my late gf and I need to look after myself but its still hard her mail still comes here ive put it too one side because in the past I returned mail to sender not knowing where she was or how she was, I get the feeling she is with someone just for the sake of to be with someone and she will do the same to them when her agenda is met life will repeat for her.

will I in time let someone else in I don't know this isn't like a normal break up its just as bad if not worse than the death of my then gf. I have my own health and a bucket list  of things I need to do whilst I still can, prob on my own now.

[Spygirl]

I am so sorry for your suffering. I completely understand, i was there also. It is the most incredibly painful, shattering feeling you are left with. I am 15 months away  from my PD, and finishing up my divorce by summer. I dont think i would have made it out without the support of this site.
I was so foggy i thought that MY situation was diffrrent, that MY PD was not like those other peoples' partners. That mine really was just sick, needed help, and surely loved me enough to get it. He never did.


The truth was hard. I was a pet. Excited as hell anytime i got the slightest affection from my "owner". Terribly frightened and cowering from any mean look or loud angry voice. No matter how well behaved, i was generally neglected or ignored, unless i was "needed" to create a narrative, craft an image he wanted people to see. I was unreasonably overjoyed whenever this happened. I thought i was being loved. In the end, i was only yelled at, left alone, ignored. I was no longer cute enough, or interesting.

Life has charged forward in wonderful ways for me. It will for you too. Be patient. Give yourself rest and time to heal. Become yourself again. Most importantly, learn to love yourself. It was difficult for me to understand this concept for almost a year. I am starting to get it. It is so freeing not needing another persons' approval or affection to have joy again. I wish that for.you too.

[bloke]

Hi & Thankyou Spygirl.


this struck a cord with me "unless i was "needed" to create a narrative, craft an image he wanted people to see." Almost everything we did together and she did was recorded on social media, I think to do as she wanted people to see, an illusion  but what they didn't see where her behaviours, One of her freinds said to me this isnt her"" when knew she attempted suicide, it was her 9th attempt, from the moment I became self aware in our relationship of her BPD because I looked it up on the interner after she told me is when I started to become devalued by her and "yelled at, left alone, ignored"  i felt like a accessory, not a person,  which is easily changed for another which she has done now, I wonder when he too will come too the same realisation? needing approval for affection?. i feel sorry for him because all her relationships have gone the same way.


Rightnow I do feel 'empty', but that is a start,  I Can live again, i can see freinds again, i havent seen in a Year because every moment was for her, do what i used too, go where i want to go not where im told and i have money in my pocket, most of all I can just be Me, the man she said she loved.

[bloke]

hi readers

I haven't heard much, except, one day she called on the house fone, im not sure where she got the number from because she had asked for it but I wouldn't give it too her having cut her off in all other forms, she wanted her car tax ref number to tax her car as her mail still comes here, I didn't think I just gave it too her, she could of filled out a form and done it that way without calling me, anyway I had given her the number incorrectly and she called again,i gave her the ref number again, but this time I asked her where was the money she owed me that she said she would pay me back?.

her reply ''I dont know what you mean, i havent got any, no way,never ever'' she put the fone down. obviously I'm never going to see any money she never intended to pay me back, they were just empty words like so many empty words she uttered just to get herself what she wanted out of me just like 'i love you' 5 days before she went off with someone else, i wonder how many days before she said she loved me she was saying it too her new supply. as ive cut her off im not even going to look, there's a temptation too but i have to be strong and not do that, it is hard to cut off your feelings for someone,ive been called a bad person,because against their advice i didn't dump  her like a piece of meat, i saw out the relationship,like any sane person i tried to work at it until it became unworkable.

[Whiteheron]

Hi bloke,

I'm not surprised to hear about the money. That seems to be fairly common.

You will make yourself crazy trying to figure out how long she had her supply before leaving. I've been there. My stbx found new supply while we were married, but didn't run off. Instead he stayed and tried to make my life unbearable so that I would file for divorce and give him everything he wanted. He thinks he pulled one over on me, but I knew about the new supply - I snooped. In the end, all that did was make me miserable. I became angry and resentful, he denied it all even when confronted with evidence. According to him, it never happened and I'm crazy.

Like you, I stuck it out with him and was willing to work with him, even though his behaviors were getting worse. Instead, he went off and found his new supply. I can honestly say now, after being away from him for just over a year, that I'm glad he found someone else to dominate and control.

It sounds like you did what you could for the relationship. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

[bloke]

hi

I suppose to sum it up she was "gaslighting" me even with texts she sent she would always deny .but she would always remember if she wanted to use it to manipulate or control me, the irony of that she would throw in the controlling card, it was impossible to control her she did what she wanted because I loved her. she would always look at my fone I never locked it, but I never once looked at hers it was always locked, and on her social media account she accused me of checking up on her, but would question my friend ships on mine I gradually became isolated.