Signs of healing?

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Indivisible

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Signs of healing?
« on: March 11, 2019, 07:04:05 PM »
 I noticed something in my thoughts yesterday that I havenít seen before, and I just wanted to share it and see if others have had similar thoughts.  I was thinking about and reflecting on a relationship that sort of came to a close. I was taking music lessons from someone Ė for several years - my life situation kind of changed and I discontinued taking the lessons. Without going into all of the boring details of the change of my life (nothing special just moving in in between homes and stuff).   I was out of town on vacations and things like that for a while so I contacted my music teacher via text and said that I wanted to not take lessons right now because things were a little confusing. Well long story short, we exchanged a few pleasantries and then the music teacher didnít reach out to me again. I think this is a bit odd;  I paid for my lessons in advance and I like to practice so I think I was a good student. Well, the teacher didnít put up much of a fuss about me discontinuing my lessons. So the point of my post is, yesterday I was thinking about this, and  my first inclination yesterday was to think that maybe this was some issues of his and not because of me. Usually, with any relationship problem I blame myself. There must be something wrong with me or I must be defective or I mustíve been offensive. But yesterday I thought, Ha - maybe he has some issues.  I wasnít condemning him or anything just viewing it in terms of maybe thereís not something wrong with me? Anyway this is new for me, and it felt like a healing moment. Does anybody have any other signs of healing that theyíve noticed in their lives that theyíd like to share? Ha ha Ė Iíd like to know some things to look out for 🙂.

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artfox

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Re: Signs of healing?
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2019, 12:40:32 AM »
Yes! I remember the first time I was able to shrug something off by recognizing it as the other personís issue and not mine. It felt like such a huge step! And it was so freeing, to realize that most of the time thatís going to be the case.

Congratulations! I hope you continue to have more of those moments.

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Twinkletoes88

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Re: Signs of healing?
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2019, 08:06:10 AM »
Well done! I can relate to always blaming yourself and I too do that less now.

For me I think itís knowing I can feel or think something and not actually react. I used to get SOOOOO angry when my NPDm lied or minimised or whatever and now I can let myself feel and think things but I no longer actually reply to her in the way I used to / want to. Does that make sense? I think that shows some growth somehow? X

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Indivisible

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Re: Signs of healing?
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2019, 03:31:58 PM »
Ha!  Yes, I can relate.  And I think I get what you mean by weird.  Iíve had a few instances where itís sort of this calm-type of observation and a shoulder shrug type of feeling that Iím just not angry.  Recently, there was an email at my place of work where I was mentioned in a somewhat derogatory manner.  A year ago this wouldíve festered in me and taken up space in my brain.  When I read it the other day, there was a moment where my brow furrowed for a minute, but then I just felt ďoh, well, whateverĒ and moved along.  This is new for me :0).  It feels freeing  :0).