Wanting to scream at the top of my lungs - Choose to be a parent

Started by littlemisssunshine, March 14, 2019, 10:18:44 AM

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littlemisssunshine

I actually did scream this at my father at Christmas (i'm not proud of my aggressive tone and i did apologize for that), his response was to storm out of my house slamming my front door.

My Husband chooses not to speak to his Father, when his mum died a couple of years ago i think my husband blamed his father as he was generally not supportive and an alcoholic who was in and out of work like a yoyo as a result his Mum who stayed with him till the end gave up and stop eating and had a heart attack.

Today i bumped into my father in law in a shop, first time in ages and he was moaning at the top of his voice why doesn't my son love me, what have i done?.

I choose not to react, i cant be bothered with the s**t show anymore but i wanted to scream at him that actually his son despite being raised by an alcoholic who never provided for them has grown into a kind and gentle man who doesn't want the drama his father brings especially asking for money and i guess as part of my imaginary putting the world to rights i wanted to scream - "choose in this moment to be a parent, choose to be someone who cares enough to see how his kid is doing, care enough to spend time and nurture that father son relationship. Stop thinking about yourself and moaning about life and choose to be a parent and maybe then your beautiful son will choose to be a son".

Sorry but i have been thinking about this all day, it makes me so mad. What is wrong with these drama filled people - we all choose the relationships we have and we choose not to be part of your drama anymore. If you are prepared to put the work in to change we will change and our relationship can grow and be beautiful. Angry and hateful people filled with rage and drama are to to much for anyone to deal with.

SunnyMeadow

Quote from: littlemisssunshine on March 14, 2019, 10:18:44 AM
i wanted to scream - "choose in this moment to be a parent, choose to be someone who cares enough to see how his kid is doing, care enough to spend time and nurture that father son relationship. Stop thinking about yourself and moaning about life and choose to be a parent and maybe then your beautiful son will choose to be a son".
Sorry but i have been thinking about this all day, it makes me so mad. What is wrong with these drama filled people - we all choose the relationships we have and we choose not to be part of your drama anymore. If you are prepared to put the work in to change we will change and our relationship can grow and be beautiful. Angry and hateful people filled with rage and drama are to to much for anyone to deal with.

Well said! I finally see how these people are only interested in themselves. It's all about them. I'm done with the drama too and it feels good. I understand your anger!

Starboard Song

Quote from: littlemisssunshine on March 14, 2019, 10:18:44 AM
i wanted to scream - "choose in this moment to be a parent, choose to be someone who cares enough to see how his kid is doing, care enough to spend time and nurture that father son relationship. Stop thinking about yourself and moaning about life and choose to be a parent and maybe then your beautiful son will choose to be a son".

I don't care how many of us in a row quote this paragraph back to you: it is golden. We all feel it, I bet.

My lingering desire to communicate to my in-laws -- to argue, really -- is to wake them up: stop being this way! calm down! be nice! make friends! Don't bully! Don't smear! Don't call names!

It's probably right that you held that in. But it wouldn't have been far from wrong to just let it out. If he didn't understand it, someone in the store would have heard your 140 decibel statement, and they'd have reflected kindly on someone they love, perhaps, and gone home and given them a hug.

Thanks for sharing here.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward