Not sure what I want

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capybara

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Not sure what I want
« on: March 14, 2019, 12:08:50 PM »
Some background... For the first decade plus of our marriage, I thought uBPDH was depressed and introverted. He definitely had some red flags of anger which I just accepted as normal, but they were rare.

That changed in 2015 and for about 3 years, our marriage was very high-conflict. I had never experienced fighting like that in my life, and it was awful.

Now we are going to couples counselling and things are much better, and the fighting is much less. But the thought of trying to develop more closeness in our relationship makes me anxious and sad. I don't know if it's possible to come back from everything we went through. Should I try to get him to acknowledge how bad it was for me? Will it help me? Will it be unbearably shame-inducing for him? Or should I try to focus on the future and fighting to have more of my priorities in the relationship? Either way seems so difficult and discouraging.