Unemployed uBPD sis has mom doing wedding prep!

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Zen_Warrior

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Unemployed uBPD sis has mom doing wedding prep!
« on: March 14, 2019, 04:01:39 PM »
Weeks after my uBPD sister got engaged she quit her job.  She says she's back in college, but it wouldn't be the first (or third) time she's lied about that.  Her fiance is completely supporting her financially (including paying for the wedding since my parents could only afford to help me with 1/3rd of mine, which cost 1/10th of hers).

The wedding is in 2 months (if it happens - she's called off 2 engagements prior to this one, but neither of those guys made so much money).  When I got married and needed some help preparing I asked for volunteers among my 100-something Facebook friends.  My sister apparently either hasn't asked her 1000-something Facebook friends OR no one volunteered OR they all turned her down because she keeps giving my mom new wedding-related chores (so far it's making and placing the centerpieces, making the bouquet, making and placing the favors, and making and placing the aisle decorations). With each of these chores she tells my mom something like, "The favors should arrive on Wednesday so you can start putting them together," and my mom's in shock because she never volunteered to put them together, nor did my sister ask her to do it. 

I've worked really hard to break free of my sister's crazy-making ways.  The old me would have volunteered to help my mom. The new me offered to get a drink with her before the ceremony (the wedding will be in the lobby of a hotel that also, luckily, has a bar).

The problem is that it's taking a lot of work to NOT feel anxious about my mom's anxiety! I'm trying to remember this is a learning experience for my mom and a teaching opportunity (emphasis on the optional part of opportunities) for me.  But it breaks my heart that she suffers so much because she wants to do the right thing and my sister takes advantage of that! 

Personality disorders are terrible!  It seems like people who have them are totally fine while everyone around them are the ones who suffer!
I'm trying, with the will of a warrior, to stay zen!

"Boundaries ensure that the consequences of a person's actions land squarely on his/her shoulders." -(I wish I knew who originally wrote/said this!)