Been at Peace for 2 Months- Here Comes the N Family Members; Please Advise

[LoverofPeace]

Great. So it's 1:30a and I receive both a private call (pray fully not my Nsister) and then my other sister calls right after (suspect she is an N type, but not totally sure, as she is my half sister and we didn't grow up together).

I have not been in contact with anyone for about 2 months now, that includes my senior mother and grandmother who are both N's especially the mom.

I have needed peace from them all after being interactive with them for years, but they range from 'tolerant', to downright abusive behavior. The last thing I said to my mother was that I was busy.

While I am busy, kept planning to call but haven't yet.

This is the longest time I have ever been out of touch, but it feels so good.

Now I am worried they are getting turned up and will start drama like call the police over here; but it's just that I refuse to pick up a 1:30a call!

What to do about them?

P.S. Wish I could be honest with the half-sister about the other members, but not sure if I can trust her. Another sis I can talk to, but had been NC for a good 15 years now.

What a mess. 

[bloomie]

LoverofPeace - it is disconcerting to get 2 calls at that hour, but comforting to know if it were some kind of urgent matter they would've left a message one would think.

I am NC with a high conflict, uBPD sibling for 8 years now and part of the challenge, especially at first, was how much and to whom to talk things through with. I chose the option to be extremely discreet and have some easy phrases in my back pocket to answer the questions when the subject came up with other friends/family.

I don't confide any details of the broken relationship in anyone who is connected to us both as a healthy boundary for me and to avoid putting them in the middle of anything.

I also had to learn to have firm internal boundaries around where I allowed my mind to wander and perseverate on. The relationship had already sapped a great deal of time and emotional energy and I needed to accept what I could not change and move on with the new normal for my own health and peace.

So, I allow myself to pray for my sibling and their family when they come to mind or the distance is painful and that is it. I don't talk about them or dwell on the past and the fractures in the relationships. Those things have helped me combined with time and distance.

[LoverofPeace]

Thank you so much, Bloomie.

Those are words of wisdom.

It would be so easy if it weren't for these two N seniors and their health issues. Both have had major operations within the last year and live on their own.

So, though I felt compelled to leave them alone recently due to a previous post I made about an "emergency" the grandmother had 2 months ago, phone calls like this in the middle of the night make me on edge wondering if it's really an urgent matter, like this grandmother being in the hospital again.

But yet, no message; so you're right because I feel no message, no worry.

What I did was make a 'casual' call to the grandmother where I found the courtesy to leave a message and asked her to call me. Not sure if this plays into their tactics, though. Yet, I also don't want things escalating.

My question is, how to keep things simple and peaceful, when these 2 seniors and their tricky health issues are making me have to interact with them anyway?
   

[newlife33]

Hey there, I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this after so much time of peace and content.

If I may offer my advice, I feel what is happening to you is a very common narcissistic tactic. These people are attention addicts, and they need something to feed off of. If they can't get your attention, they will try and trick you into getting it.

A very common way they do this is the late night or very early morning phone calls. They don't leave a message because they want you to call them back, they want to have the power and the know how are they can control you and get them to call you. If you call them back, they win. It's also highly disrespectful to not leave a voicemail. Why would you call someone and not tell them the reason you called?

My advice would be to unblock their numbers and to keep enjoying and living in that peace and contentment

[LoverofPeace]

Hi Newlife,

Believe me, I hear what you are saying.

The blocking of the siblings is no problem; didn't call that sibling back that called in the early morning hours. Instead, 'nonchalantly' called my grandmother and mother just to make sure (though it may have satisfied their
"narc-abilities"). That is where my dilemma comes in, with the elders:

My question I posed was, how to keep things simple and peaceful, when these 2 seniors and their tricky health issues are making me have to interact with them anyway?

Trying to figure this part out before anything else might happen. Not to be paranoid, but it has always served me well to think about these type of issues ahead of time for my own sake.