My sister and I are going to be at the same party in a week.

[newlife33]

Long story short, I haven't talked to my sister in about a year-and-a-half. I'm also a full two years no contact with the rest of my family. That being said, we both share a mutual cousin that we care for a lot and has a birthday party coming up next week. I'm going to be there and my sister is also going to be there.

I was wondering if you could all give me advice on what I should do. Here are the two options that floated into my head.

Number one. Reach out to her and say that I'm looking forward to seeing her at the party.

Number two. Say nothing and just show up and see how it goes. I won't even bring up anything I will just be my best self and try to be an example. If my life seems good and amazing, hopefully she will see that going no contact is the best thing.

My sister has started to slowly break away and see things for what they are, but she still very much naive and in the fog and being abused by my dad in the emotional sense. I feel like this could be a pivotal time to getting her on a better path and out of narcissistic abuse. I don't want to reach out because I'm afraid she's so fragile if I do reach out she will shut down and think I'm trying to pressure her or the like.

So yeah, that's my situation and thoughts and I look forward to hearing what you all think

[overitall]

I think you need to decide what you want..if you want to remain NC, then I would not reach out to her...also, you cannot help your sister recognize/facilitate getting out of an abusive situation....it's always difficult because we want to help people and we get caught up in "helping"  You need to take care of yourself first.....I would see how she acts/reacts at this party...this will give you a lot of insight as to the future....I hope this helps

[newlife33]

I think you need to decide what you want..if you want to remain NC, then I would not reach out to her...also, you cannot help your sister recognize/facilitate getting out of an abusive situation....it's always difficult because we want to help people and we get caught up in "helping"  You need to take care of yourself first.....I would see how she acts/reacts at this party...this will give you a lot of insight as to the future....I hope this helps

Thanks.  I think you are spot on with a lot of what you said. The empathetic and needy side of me wants to reach out and get in touch, but I know that is not the smart move.  I am just going to continue to take care of myself and go to the party normally, I will not change the way I think or act and will just let it go with the flow.

[FinallyPeace]

#2

[broken]

Not sure if the party happened yet?  But I also vote #2, and will add: being in this situation a few times, I try to speak first at the party, get it outta the way, right away. 

Hello! Or whatever, pleasant...  and then avoidance.  Truly, it has helped to keep things civil, because going forward there will be unavoidable encounters (weddings, funerals, etc) and now we know what to expect.

That is not to say one of my attention-seeking victim-mentality siblings will never flip....  but one can hope  .   Good luck!