What do you do with a PD who is full of herself/himself?

[Samuel S.]

Tonight, my PDw started talking about this friend and that friend, how they have all these issues. One friend has a lot of medical issues, and my PDw had the audacity to laugh. Then, she talked about her side of the family has been so very gracious. Indeed, her side of the family has been gracious, although she herself has been a PD. Then, she talked how she is so busy with work, studies, exams, and 300 hours of experience before earning her degree. While I am proud of her desire to pursue her goal, she is obsessive to the point of only preparing meals. Then, back to her studies and saying how bad other people are.

So, you get the picture. She is full of herself.

What do you do with a PD who is full of herself/himself?

I don't say anything, because I will be countered with more talk. So, I just wait it out and then vent here.

[11JB68]

My uPDh tends to do this, talk about/criticise others. Mostly re money management and parenting. I used to join in (fleas?). Since coming Out of the FOG I now medium chill and find ways to change the topic or give very neutral answers.

[Blackbird11]

I'm trying to figure this out as well Samuel! My uPDh is very self congratulatory and if I try to engage in a discussion with him about something in my life or something Im interested in he usually finds a way to make it about himself. This has severely reduced my interest in engaging him in conversation at all. Maybe that's why he does it 

[coyote]

Sam, I just don't know what to say. I had to do 800 hrs of practicum/internship to get my degree plus another 3000 to get my license and all this while working full time. So it's really hard for me to hear someone whine about a 300 hour internship while only doing meal prep? That said seems your best strategy is what you are doing. No since fighting a battle you know you can never win. It also seems from reading your other posts you are focusing more on yourself these days; doing what you like, taking care of health needs against her wishes, etc. Hang in there man, we are here for you.

[openskyblue]

I left mine and got a divorce. Best decision I ever made.

[1footouttadefog]

My pdh gets full of himself in that he will turn all conversations toward either himself or a few topics he like to talk about.  Either way they end up as one sided conversations that seem more like a rehearsed speach than a conversation.

When this shift occurs I tend to check out of the situation.

For example if he asks a question then talks over my answer, I will state that it's not a two way conversation and my presence is not needed.

[Samuel S.]

Thank you for these awesome responses!

When talking on the phone with my PDw, it gets to the point that I tune out. One time, she talked easily 5 minutes without stopping. So, I listened and listened and then tuned out. Then, she asked if I were still on the phone to which I said I was waiting for her to finish. She didn't like that.

When I share highlights of my day after her monologue, she says "that's nice" and quickly changes the subject to her. As a result, some significant things I am doing to help the teaching community I only share on Facebook. BTW, there are positive things I have posted on Facebook, and she told me that she doesn't like reading what I post. Basically, she was trying to inhibit me from posting, but I am not going to be inhibited by her. If she wants to lock as a "friend", she can go right ahead. I have over 1,000 "friends" from family members, friends, and former students, and we all relate well to one another. So, one "sore, dare I say rotten" is not going to inhibit me.

Bottom line line, I wish she would give me as much respect and love as I give to her! In fact, all of us on this website would like this, although their PDness prevents them for doing this. It is their choice to be PD!

[Samuel S.]

Here is another way that my PDw is full of herself and perhaps this is financial abuse. For the past 18 years, she and I agreed that $100 each month of my retirement would go into a special fund so that we could have it as savings for whatever comes up. We only took out $4,000 one time for taxes some 10 years ago. Otherwise, we haven't touched this money.

Now, our taxes are $1,800. So, I suggested we take out some money again. She independently decided that this money should be for funerals, mine and her mother's. I tried to talk to her about this, saying that this is my money I have been depositing for whatever we both agree on, although she is still adamant about my touching that money.

I have gone to our bank to find out where the money is, and they don't know. I have not seen either one of my daughters for 4 years.

So, I am beside myself as to what to do. Meantime, she says that she has to work more in order to pay our taxes and feels she has to do this, because I don't earn enough.

Is this financial abuse? Is this a legal issue?

[Poison Ivy]

Samuel S., was the money in a joint account? If it was, you should have access to the account records.  Unfortunately, if the account is joint, in the eyes of the bank and generally of the law, anyone who is a joint owner can withdraw all or any part of the money at any time, without the other owner's permission.

[Samuel S.]

This account is in her name and her daughter's name only, even though the money is transferred from the bank account that my PDw and I hold jointly.

If I stop the transfer, she will definitely become furious, and hell will break loose.

[Poison Ivy]

Here's my advice:  Stop the transfers.  Also, ask where the money is and ask for proof. 

[Hikercymru]

She has stolen your money. This is financial abuse.
Legally, of course, it looks like it was her money.
That was a lot of money.
Stop the transfers and go and see your daughters. Your wife is destroying you.

[1footouttadefog]

So it seems like you have been paying into a slush fund for her side of the family all these years.

In addition weren't you paying for an apt in anothelocation for her to stay when getting schooling?

It might be time to look at everything with a more jaded and less trusting filter in okace.