Wasted 20 yrs

[New.life.at.50]

Hello, I am in the first stages of separation. Married over 20 yrs, 2 kids. I am with my 14 yr old son in our home. My husband is fighting for custody, support, and the home. I have chronic back problems and attend physical therapy 3 x a week. I have always run the household and kids, he made the money. What else has he done? He has admitted to using Craigslist and other sites advertising for gay sex and has actually met these strangers. He was seeing a much younger bipolar girl for a year, stringing us both along. There was another girl when he started getting tired of that one.  Classic covert narc. He admitted it recently, knew something was wrong with him, just realized what. Now he is trying to keep me from telling people. He is delusional and just chooses to ignore his abuse now. I am waiting on Supplemental Security insurance decision and applying for PT work I can handle. It is so hard to keep it together, feel like I am in a tornado but still have to function. Applied for classes at community college for summer. Hard to see a bright future when someone is dead set on destroying you for the crime of exposing what they are.

[Summer Sun]

Welcome to Out of the FOG Kabspahr, although I am sorry for all you have been through that brought you here.  The betrayals, lies and deceit is so devastating to process.  I can relate to feeling like one has wasted time as our intentions and relational investment is sincere, committed, and we can project these traits onto partners and then are shocked when the truth stares us down.  The pain can feel unbearable.

Do you have a therapist who can help you process your experiences?  I found having a T instrumental in healing and identifying my own naivety and role in the dysfunction.  I encourage you to read as much as you can, here, on the traits, behaviors as well as the toolbox, what to do, what not to do.  Knowledge is power and having a deepened understanding of PD's is important for self protection.  Surround yourself with supportive friends, nurture yourself in ways you can as you begin taking steps at rebuilding your life - which you have already begun.  Good for you!  The courses, the PT work, reaching out here, all positive steps towArds growth and healing.  Your children need you. 

Know you are not alone, many of us have been where you are, new beginnings are possible.  Wishing you strength, courage, wisdom, support and kindness formthe journey.

Summer Sun