Just came out of an abusive relationship

[SomethingElse]

I just am getting out of a domestic violence situation with a chosen relationship. But what is chosen?
I am also autistic/aspbe. I didn't realize I was autistic till recently, and realized that it might have been why I got into this relationship. Not to mention the fact that many of my family members were narcissists as well. For years, I sometimes modeled their behaviour because of my autism, and didn't know. I felt horrible. But I changed, and realized I was not born a narcissist, just those around me were. I think it's a genetic disorder? Like a mutation in humans that shouldnt be there.
Anyhow, does anyone else have experience with leaving a domestic violence situation? No matter the gender...

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I am thankful to hear you are out of a dangerous and abusive situation. Reaching out to domestic violence counselors in your area and connecting with support groups specifically for those recovering from relationships with a violent partner may be a great help to you.

A link to resources is found here: https://outofthefog.website/emergency/

and here: https://www.thehotline.org

Take a look through the info at the drop down menus above especially the toolbox to help you in dealing with the relationships with personality disordered (PD) family members and then when you are ready join the conversations on the boards.

To be clear about what we do here - we are equipped to support you in your relationships in coping with PD family members, but are not DV experts or oriented in specific recovery strategies from DV relationships.

Again, we welcome you.

[coyote]

Same here Somethingelse. Just adding my welcome. DV is a complicated issue and not one to be taken lightly as I am sure you know. So do you still have contact with your FOO? Are you still having to deal with Narcissistic like behavior from your FOO?

[SomethingElse]

No, I don't have much contact with the FOO. I had to uproot myself back to my family's home state after planning to start my life in the state I was already in. I ended up staying at a local DV shelter for a while, but they didn't ever get me the help I needed. They expected me to do most of the work by myself! It was confusing and frustrating. They didn't offer any therapy at all or counseling or resources to get it!  They kept telling me I shouldn't think i was a victim, yet most of the time I was treated that way, if not by the staff, then by others, not to mention the abuser!!  I felt as though they were not seated in reality?
What good does a shelter do in REALITY, if they do not provide counseling after the abuse? 

[Artemis T]

Welcome!

I unfortunately I have experience with leaving an abusive relationship. I got married very young and my husband became verbally, emotionally and physically abusive . I escaped (quite literally) about 7 years ago with my son, and it's something I'll never regret. Recovery is hard, and sometimes grueling. It takes a while to re-acclimate yourself to a world not centered around your abuser and surviving their whims, but the peace you get when securing your own space is priceless.

I wish you all the best in your recovery, and everyone here is very helpful.

[SomethingElse]

Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I really appreciate it. I might have found a domestic violence organization near me that WILL provide counseling. The funny thing is, I feel like I need a whole team of counselors? Does anyone have any suggestions?

[coyote]

Something else,
I'd suggest to start with the individual counseling. If they have it available you might get involved with a DV support group. There is a lot that can be accomplished via both venues if we are willing to put the work and effort into it. Good luck, I hope you find what works for you.