Why domestic violence victims DO leave?

SomethingElse · March 25, 2019, 11:42:50 PM

Because...
YOU fill in the blanks.

I'll start: I got fed up. Wanted to break the cycle of a lot of my family members. Wanted my own life. A good life.

Whiteheron · March 26, 2019, 06:07:29 AM

I'd finally had enough. I literally and physically could not do it anymore. I was exhausted. I wanted a place for my kids to feel safe being themselves.

findjoy81 · March 26, 2019, 08:39:22 AM

I wanted my children to learn that it is not OK to either (1) be treated like I was being treated or (2) treat others like he was treating me.

bloomie · March 26, 2019, 09:20:16 AM

Just a gentle caution to those sharing here - a path to safety from a physically violent relationship is personalized and takes the specific and unique situations of the person(s) leaving and it is vital to get good support and help from domestic violence experts. There is no question across law enforcement communities and with domestic violence experts that the time of highest risk is when someone is leaving an abusive partner.

Links to resources for more help and information: https://www.thehotline.org
https://outofthefog.website/emergency/

coyote · March 27, 2019, 10:30:56 AM

iamthefire · April 04, 2019, 07:33:49 AM

From what I read domestic violence isnt just physical abuse. I haven't left yet but I am wondering what else it takes. Because the past 2 months have been awful. A friend is accusing him of cheating on me all over the place but none of the witnesses will come forward. Last week the rumor was a girl was going to have her attorney send him a stop harassing her letter. He threatened to smear her if she didnt go out with him. Yesterday I received an anonymous letter in the mail with no return addy with a bunch of cut out memes about narcissists. I am wondering where my leaving point is and worried it hasnt been enough. But I think the cheating and how exhausted I am. The stress is really getting to me. I cant take much more.

1footouttadefog · April 05, 2019, 07:22:06 AM

You will know of its time to leave. It is a personal decision that many struggle with long and hard, while others are more easily able to decide.

Circumstances vary from one relationship to another.

Bloomberg was cautioning that leaving should not be treated flippant because for many victims of abuse, it is immediate after leaving that risks are elevated.

Again this varies with the person and situation. For some abject poverty is the greatest fear, for others it's a matter of life and death. For others it's a loss of family and friends, and all support. For some it's all of these.

Most importantly be informed and consider the various ways you need to prepare and plan so you can minimize risks.

I wish you strength and wisdom and courage for the journey to the next phase of your life.

turtlemama · April 27, 2019, 06:38:33 AM

It was a combination of things. I wasn't happy, it was more than just walking on eggshells- I was scared of him. Then, I found out he was seeing prostitutes and he refused to leave our house. ExuNPD would scream at me, call me names, or threaten me with physical harm all in front of DS and I wouldn't say anything. DS3 would get mad and yell back at his Dad. He was so young and innocent and I still feel incredibly guilty about DS witnessing those episodes and how this has impacted him. I didn't want DS to see me like that and think that was a normal relationship. Leaving was incredibly difficult- exuNPD had threatened to kill me, and then his anger and harassment at exchanges, the court dates... but 3.5 years later I am in a much better place and I think starting to finally heal.