NC with FOO and riding the rollercoaster

[Jeral]

Hello everyone,

It has been a while since I posted and I hope you are all doing well in your journey Out of the FOG. I have been doing ok, but like most paths of grief it is not exactly linear, and now is one of the lows of the rollercoaster ride of NC.

My mother's birthday recently passed and I just felt awful, awful that it was her bday and me (her adult child) is not communicating with her and that she must feel so sad. I felt guilty thinking that she must be so angry, hurt, and thinking I am terrible. I know, KNOW, I am not a terrible person, that I had to do this for my own health and boundaries and escaping such a toxic family dynamic. But I know she is still human, and since she cannot see any fault in her behavior she must only feel sadness and anger towards me, since her not seeing my side at all is what brought us to this...anyways, it's just not a good feeling knowing someone you love is feeling sad and thinks terribly of you and there is nothing you can do to change that

[SunnyMeadow]

I understand 

[all4peace]

Jeral, the kindness of your heart shines through in this post. It is terribly painful to maintain NC with the intention of self-protection and healing, knowing that it can be taken instead as an attack or an (in)action meant to wound the other.  I hope you're feeling some relief from this painful feeling.

[Jeral]

Thank you all4peace and sunnymeadow your kind words helped a lot through a rough patch