Conference and clothing

[Whiteheron]

We had a court conference last week.

My L and I prepared - talked broadly about settlement terms. We were both under the impression, that since stbx's L had asked about mediation, that there would be a chance....but nope. stbx's L was completely unprepared to talk about anything - my L said I would take (certain %) less than 50% of the assets, and that child support should be X (which was lower than what I could be awarded). Nope. stbx refuses to pay child support. My L and the judge told his L that he'd better get used to the idea. Apparently stbx believes 20% of the assets should be enough, that I don't need child support on top of that.  stbx's L came off as completely unprepared. For anything other than declaring, once again, that stbx demands 50% custody. (I'm wondering if the guy has given up? or is just dragging it on to rack up more billable hours?)

My L brought up the subject of clothing for the kids. I've been buying clothes for the kids, they take them over to stbx's and then tell me they need me to buy more. Last week, before break, DS took an armload of clothing over to stbx's house, then told me I needed to buy him more. It's getting ridiculous. In front of the judge, stbx's L is arguing about the clothing. The GAL chimes in and says that DD has spoken to her about the lack of clothing that fits at her dad's house. This goes on and on until the judge has had enough and tells stbx's L to order his client to buy the kids clothes.

It gets better:
The next day, my L forwards me a copy of a letter sent by stbx's L (and likely crafted by stbx himself) to the GAL. In this letter, they blast the GAL for daring to suggest that the kids have no clothing at stbx's house. They include photos. Of DD's underwear drawer. Of all her drawers. Full of clothing. Clothing that I had bought for her over two years ago, before I left! None of this still fits (they seem to have missed this point).

Then the letter goes on to inform the GAL of how she is to communicate meetings between herself and the kids. First she is to contact stbx, who will contact his L, who, if he feels it's appropriate, will then contact my L, who will then contact me. They are basically accusing her of going behind stbx's back to meet with DD about the clothing, so now this is the way it's going to be.  I was floored.

The next day came a response from the GAL. It basically said: 1. Listen to me when I speak. I did not say X, I clearly said Y, and 2. Don't dare to tell me how to do my job.

This is what I'm sure a lot of us are feeling, but can't say because we need to play nice with the PD.

Mediation is a go.
Trial is scheduled for late fall, with a new judge (current judge was on rotation from another county).

[Penny Lane]

That all sounds amazing. You don't have to lift a finger and he is totally shooting himself in the foot with the judge and the GAL. I'm so glad everyone is getting an opportunity to see who he really is. Strategically you're in a really good position here - remember that when/if you have a settlement talk. It might help you stick to your position.

My guess on his lawyer is that the lawyer realizes this is futile but he has to do what your stbx tells him to. Ya know the whole obligation to carry out your client's wishes.

How do you feel?

(As a sidenote, I really commiserate on clothing. The other day DSD8 came back in underwear that were - I am not exaggerating - 3T-4Ts. I was like, how did she even get these on???? They went right in the trash. Clothing is a neverending struggle.)

[hhaw]

Lawyers hate to lose, and more than that... they despise looking like unprepared fools in the courtroom.

I'm sure opposing counsel is praying for mediation to work.... as will everyone involved, but your stbx sounds off the chain pathologically unable to accept anything close to fair.

That won't likely work in his favor at trial, IME.  I can imagine him telling the Judge what's fair, and what the Judge should and shouldn't do.... oh..... put your game face on for that,  keep your face neutral through it all, and be prepared to ask the Judge to award you all attorney's fees, bc the PD expanded the case, insisted on trial, when you did your best to settle out of court, and put the kids in the middle of the adult conflict which hasn't been in their best interest.

I pray you get everything you're asking for, that you're awarded your attorney's fees, and that the Judge's Order can be enforced through the courts.  It's OK to have your attorney go back, and ask a Judge to tweek an Order...... nothing's written in stone. 

The devil truly is in the details.

Good luck,

[athene1399]

IMO it is not good to turn the GAL against you. What the heck was he thinking? Oh wait, he was only thinking of himself. It's just so sad how what the GAL said went completely over his head and in true PD fashion he tries to prove her wrong with evidence that proves her correct. I wonder if you can use that as evidence for your side? Like this is what the GAL said and this is how he responded showing that he does not understand and therefore should be awarded less than 50% of the time.  What did your L think of all this?

[Liftedfog]

Yup.  Give him enough rope.....    Stay the course.  You are just being who you are. A rational, stable, protective mom.  I just cringe over the legal fees this is costing because I'm in the same boat.   That's all I can focus on lately. The manufactured chaos and money being burned because of it.  Stay strong. You got this.