Is this PD or something else?

[Sneezy]

My mom (waif BPD or covert NPD) recently moved near me.  The more time I spend with her, the more I am fascinated/appalled by some of her behavior.  But this latest one has floored me!  One of my siblings was recently in a bicycle accident that resulted in serious injuries and included a several-day hospital stay.  He is now on the mend, and my other sibs and I have been lightly teasing him about remembering that he is now an "old guy," and not some "youngster" who can be zipping down hills on his bike.   Mom, though, is acting like it's all really funny.  She called my brother when he was first injured and he says Mom was joking about his accident, and it really bothered him.  I thought that was strange, but possibly she just didn't know what to say?  But a few days ago, I was with her and some other ladies and we were sharing funny stories.  Mom piped up with "I should tell everyone the funny story about my son's bicycle accident." I quickly told her that wasn't funny, and she dropped it.  But . . . where in the world did that come from?  How could a mother think that her son being in a serious accident is funny?  I know that lack of empathy is a trait of several PDs.  But this just seems off in a way that I can't put my finger on.  Could this behavior be something more serious - maybe a sign of some other mental disorder or dementia (Mom is almost 80)? 

[11JB68]

I find with uPDh that he finds it ok to laugh at others (me included) yet if the tables were turned he would find it completely unacceptable for someone to laugh at him. UPDm was the same way....she would complain that no one 'got her sense of humor' (sarcasm) but wouldbe hurt if someone made fun of her

[illogical]

No, I don't think it's dementia.  PDs (of the Cluster B variety-- includes BPD and NPD-- the ones I am familiar with) get worse with age. 

As you have pointed out, they lack empathy.  I think your mother may have seen "the bicycle incident" as a way to garner attention by re-telling it in what she thought was a humorous manner.  Yes, it's appalling to us, but to her-- it's a way to get supply/attention.

If I had a nickel for every time a narcissist in my life made an inappropriate comment or showed their lack of empathy by making snarky or snide remarks, I would be rich.   

[WomanInterrupted]

I'm glad your brother is going to be okay!   

I agree with Illogical, and am another who'd be rich if I had a nickel for every time snide or snarky re-imaginings of my life were told - especially if they involved bodily injury or pain. 

I don't think it's dementia - it's a lack of filters as they age.  They just can't keep the nastiness under control, to a certain degree - and don't *want* to. 

One thing I want to point out - during these events, did you ever notice the looks on other people's faces?

IME, they're *not* laughing or thinking things are remotely humorous - they're appalled and can barely contain it, while the PD is cracking him or herself up, or gushing with *pride* at how they ignored the whole situation, and told the injured person to take a hike or suck it up.   

They just *don't get it.*

Your *brother* controls the narrative of his bike crash - he can be as serious or as goofy as he wants to about it, and that's okay, because it's *his story to tell.* 

Me?  I'd spin it as funny, because that's just me.  I tend to try to find the humor in everything -  especially myself. 

What a PD doesn't get is it isn't about *them.*

If your mom had any sense of awareness of anything not "ME!" related, and she'd spoken to your brother, she'd have *insight* how to relay this information to others and NOT treat it like Amateur Hour at your local comedy club - while being completely unfunny and having not one whiff of humor.