Do PDs ever get MUCH worse with age?

[Cottonanx]

My H had mild narcissistic tendencies when I married him (when he was 30), but he was still nice MOST of the time. Now (at almost 50), he's like an inverted version of his past self where he's a raging nightmare most of the time but still nice once in a while. He acts like a full-blown narcissist now, whereas when we first got married he acted like a nice person with quirks. I can't stop wondering what happened.

[Whiteheron]

Same thing happened with mine. There were red flags and 'quirks' early on, but it was nothing like what was to come when he entered into his 40s. I have no idea what happened, other than the kids were getting older and more independent, and I was not willing to put up with his increasingly hostile behaviors. This lead to him landing in the ER twice (panic attacks) in his late 30s. I'm not sure how he's doing now.

Him feeling like he was loosing control is my best guess. I only suspect that is the cause (or a symptom?) because his controlling behaviors were escalating sharply.

[Samuel S.]

Definitely yes! My PDw has gotten worse by being selfish every day. She even had the audacity to say to her co-worker that I should be seeing another woman, because she is so busy.

And they wonder why we become disheartened and unable to trust them!

[Cascade]

My PDh has gotten worse in some ways and better in others. Other than the occasional lying and lack of empathy he was quite normal in his 20's and 30's. He got worse in his 40's and now in his 50's he's better again. Not that he's not plenty narcissistic, but now he's more mellow. I've detached from him somewhat so maybe that helps.

[1footouttadefog]

As with so many other stories here, we had only red flags of the occasional glitch in nature.


These blips on the radar were related to periods of high stress and or life changes and we're therefore somewhat understandable, and easy enough to overlook and forget about. 

When my pd was in his late 50 he began a progressive decline that snowballed.  Once he was diagnosed with mental illness and medicated, many of the symptoms became under control, ie the raging and panic and outbursts and such.  But the narcissism is still there.

With me odh, I see that a huge amount of his mental and physical energy went into pushing down and managing the horrible stockpile of negativity in his core person.  All the trauma and abuse and negative messages and memories etc.  He was a work aholic. 

He eventually got to where he could no longer out pace the mental illness, his body and brain could no longer overwork, enough, he could no longer maintain the outward self.

[Whiteheron]

When my pd was in his late 50 he began a progressive decline that snowballed.  Once he was diagnosed with mental illness and medicated, many of the symptoms became under control, ie the raging and panic and outbursts and such.  But the narcissism is still there.

With me odh, I see that a huge amount of his mental and physical energy went into pushing down and managing the horrible stockpile of negativity in his core person.  All the trauma and abuse and negative messages and memories etc.  He was a work aholic. 

He eventually got to where he could no longer out pace the mental illness, his body and brain could no longer overwork, enough, he could no longer maintain the outward self.

Yes! Once again, I could have written this (substitute late 50's with late 30's).

This is what I'm afraid of - that he will no longer be able to be one step ahead of his demons, and his mental illness will overwhelm him. There were glimpses of this before I left...I just hope the kids are out of the house when this finally happens. The medication can only do so much.

[GentleSoul]

Sorry to say that that with all the PD's I have known, they get far worse as they age.  A lot of the filters drop, the behaviours are ramped up, the entitlement grows.

[1footouttadefog]

 

[Kaneda8888]

I am not sure if my uNPDw has gotten worse with age. By this I mean whether it is the NPD that has worsened or is it something else.  In the past few years, the children and I have noticed that my uNPDw has either gotten deaf or has highly selective hearing.  When she watches movies, she insists on having the sub titles on.  If someone makes a comment/response, she will act as if that comment/response wasnt uttered and ask to repeat it.  As well, she seems to be losing the ability to 'connect the dots', i.e, follow a logical train of thought.  Everything needs to be explained in painstaking, step by step logic for her to understand.  If not done, then the usual explosions occur.  Often when asking her something, she acts oblivious.  Until you repeat it and then she claims to have heard you the first time but simply chose not to respond.  I often wonder whether it is the early onset of dementia (she is in late 50s).   Not meaning to hijack thread but has anyone had similar experience ?

[Doggo]

I've actually been wondering the same thing. My uPDH has flown under the radar for years--but I'd say in the past 1.5 yrs, things took a dramatic turn for the worse, with rages at me now happening regularly. Topped off by an extreme blow out for his 50th birthday. I'll say one thing--this change in him got me into therapy and led me to find this place.

[GentleSoul]

I am not sure if my uNPDw has gotten worse with age. By this I mean whether it is the NPD that has worsened or is it something else.  In the past few years, the children and I have noticed that my uNPDw has either gotten deaf or has highly selective hearing.  When she watches movies, she insists on having the sub titles on.  If someone makes a comment/response, she will act as if that comment/response wasnt uttered and ask to repeat it.  As well, she seems to be losing the ability to 'connect the dots', i.e, follow a logical train of thought.  Everything needs to be explained in painstaking, step by step logic for her to understand.  If not done, then the usual explosions occur.  Often when asking her something, she acts oblivious.  Until you repeat it and then she claims to have heard you the first time but simply chose not to respond.  I often wonder whether it is the early onset of dementia (she is in late 50s).   Not meaning to hijack thread but has anyone had similar experience ?

My uPD husband always wants me to repeat what I say.  I make sure I stand in front of him so he can see my mouth, I speak slowly but he still asks me to repeat it.  He is not deaf.  He had Hearing Test which showed is no problem with his hearing.  I wondered if it was his brain processing slowly, hence me speaking clearly and slowly.  He has several chronic diseases hence why I wondered about his brain processing slowly.

My ultimate feeling was that he just enjoys the "control" of getting people to repeat themselves.  He also does things like deliberately being slow if he knows people are waiting for him. Or say I go to pick up his empty coffee cup, he will always say he hasn't finished it yet and will pretend to drink an invisible amount in the bottom of the cup while I stand in front of him.  (Obviously I no longer pick up his cup)   I think he enjoys the attention and the feeling that he is controlling and annoying people.

I remembered recently that my father did the same thing.  He also seemed to enjoy messing people about.

Sorry you have this going on.

[vonmoot]

First of all, hang in there!  You are not alone.

Now, I posted a similar query awhile back.  I would say that some of us become...bitter...maybe, when we look back at our lives.  Add a darkness in the soul and PD tendencies become worse.  That bitterness is projected onto those that are closest to them. 

Focusing on yourself and finding space is very key.  Even if you have to go to your "happy place" mentally.  I have started finding joy using methods of distancing myself.  We didn't break them.