Unexpected Reaction To Narcissist Parent Death.

[Goldielocks]

So, when my narcissist mother died I felt absolutely nothing really, nothing at all.
No hate, no love, sadness, guilt - nothing.

Yet grieving for my father who died a long while back, intensified.
I'm talking decades ago and I've raised my family in that time. Maybe that's the problem, I now have time to dwell on it.

It's so typical that he died prematurely, yet she lived to a right good old age.
So I'll hold him in my heart and mind while she .... well, that brings me back to nothing.

[bgirl12]

I don't know all you experienced with your mother and I am sorry because I get the impression it was not easy for you. I am sorry that you grieved your dad so much. You must have felt quite a bit for him and felt safe enough to feel and be vulnerable and miss him still all these years. I hope you find some peace and healing as time goes on.
As for your mom, did you feel nothing when she was alive? Maybe see what comes up when you think of your mom from time to time. Not sure if you journal at all? Maybe if you give yourself the space to feel and think slowly over time... They say still waters run deep.

[Goldielocks]

bgirl12.   Thanks for trying to understand. Still waters do run deep, that's very true. Sadly, I knew when I was ten years old that I wouldn't grieve for my mother when she died. I sill miss my dad. I think that I couldn't grieve for him properly at the time. In fact I know I didn't.