I fell for it

[Seven]

Mine is the uNPDm who moved from this state to sunny state back to this state in a span of 3 months.  I’ve seen her twice since the first part of March.  She has not attempted to contact me on her own (or anyone except Bro5 for that matter).

Today I get a call from Bro5 asking whether he would like a certain movie (we know each other’s tastes) and so I tried to explain it to him without giving anything away.  Then he comes out with “Moms out of her OTC medicine (that I buy for her cheap on eBay).  She just told me today. Can you make that happen?  I don’t know why she didn’t call you herself.  She just doesn’t want to bother you.” 

Now granted my son is getting married in 2 weeks so stuff is coming down to the wire, and I don’t really mind ordering the stuff, but damn her. Using “I don’t want to bother you, so I’ll have Bro5 bother you instead”?  Gimme a break.

I’m not sure if I should be mad at Bro5 for being her FM, or her for using “I don’t want to bother her” as her lame excuse to not call me herself.  She wouldn’t know how busy or not I am because she never freaking calls.

This is how shitty she is.  Sis2 ended up getting shingles recently, was worried about making it to the wedding, and called uNPDm and left a message on her answering machine.  I saw mother a few days later and said “did you know sis2 has shingles?”  She acknowledged that she knew.  What she didn’t acknowledge is that she never actually called sis2 to see what happened or how she was...until 3 weeks later when the phone call went something like this

M: are you sure you don’t want your own room when you come to town? (for wedding...sis2 could either stay in M apartment or rent the guest room the IL facility has...sis had chosen to stay in M apartment).

(At this point sis2 is no longer contagious and the wedding is still 3 weeks away)

No asking how she is feeling.  Nothing.  Just concern that she may give M shingles under the guise that sis2 would be more comfortable in her own room.   If M had called her when she found out, she would’ve known that it was a non-issue weeks ago.  Instead she let her “friend’s” put it in her ear that sis2 shouldn’t stay with her.

[WomanInterrupted]

I'm so sorry!   

I'd send Bro5 the *link* to the Ebayer who has her meds, and he can order them next time.   

BTW...I don't want to BOTHER you is passive/aggressive speak, and I take that shit at face value, every single time.

If she didn't want to BOTHER you - don't bother to order it and see what happens.   

I doubt it's anything she absolutely needs, because you can't get prescription meds on Ebay.

It's something she *wants* - and probably a supplement or CBD oil or the like - your brother can handle that  from now on, now that he's got the link, and you won't have to waste *your* money on it.   

Oh, I remember that one well - I had pneumonia, but unBPD Didi wouldn't even call to see how I was, making some excuse about *getting it from the phone.*   

Yeah, those little pneumonia germs are going to whizz themselves down the telephone lines and jump out of her receiver, and into her mouth, while crowing, "Gottcha, Didi!"   

Oh, FFS...   

The fact is she simply didn't *care* and didn't have the decency to admit it, and made it *all about HER*  - like your mom is doing.   

I think your mom just doesn't want your sister around, for any reason, but like Didi, is just too chicken-shit to come out and say, "Would you mind staying in a hotel instead?"

Instead, she's couching it in irrational fears, instead of just telling the bloody truth and being done with it, which would save everybody a lot of grief.

BTW - you've seen her twice, since March?

That's WAY too much!  You want to become the Mythical Adult Daughter, sighted about as often as a leprechaun riding a unicorn, which means *you don't visit, at all, for any reason* - and you spend NO money on her.   

Your other sibs shunted her back your way?  THEY can see to her needs and order stuff for her, while you *malfunction* and stay OUT of it.   

Yes - you can extricate yourself from this situation and all the triangulation by not visiting and fobbing her personal needs off on others by leaving voice mails or sending links, but other than that, doing *absolutely nothing for your mother.*

Make yourself as remote as the summit of Everest.  Or you're on a journey to Mars that takes 5 years, and the coms are spotty, at best.  Or you're in a remote part of the world that has no cell service.

Others WILL fill the void - let them do it, and leave you OUT of it.   

Just because they dumped her in your neck of the woods, doesn't mean you are in any way, shape or form *responsible* for your mom and her needs.

If you step out of the picture - and maybe even block her number, plus the numbers of anybody trying to fob her onto you - your FOO is probably going to have a minor implosion, but a necessary one because *you are not the drudge and workhorse* and now somebody else will have to fill that role.

Let 'em, and stay *out* of the round-robin of PD/elderly mother Hot Potato.

I'm an only - and worse, an adopted only, so it was strongly implied all my life that I was unBPD  Didi and unNPD Ray's Old Age Golden Parachute Plan. 

Instead, I stepped out of the picture and did absolutely nothing but let things unfold organically.   Others not related to me (gaaaaaasp!) filled those voids, and Didi did NOT get a hospital bed in our living room, which she desperately wanted, and Ray didn't get a personal slave, to wait on him at his.

They got exactly what they gave me, all my life:  nothing.

I didn't do it as a retaliatory measure, but a *protective* one.   

I hope you consider doing the same, to protect yourself - let others fill the void and if anybody acts as a FMM and says, "She didn't want to bother you..." - DON'T BOTHER AT ALL. 

[Seven]

Know what's even more funny?  She wanted her Prevagen. For her MEMORY That's shot to hell to begin with.

But yep I fell for it.  Him calling me under the guise of "what's this movie about" when it was just to get her stupid supplements.  Next time I'll say "she can call me herself"

Know what, as a matter of fact she always pulls this....mudslides in CA? "Can someone call bro3 and check on him?" Hurricane by the shore? "Can someone call Bro6 and check on him?"  Why the hell cant she pick up her own phone?

Sorry all.  This family dynamic is stressing me out because (large family) I just want everyone to get along for the wedding and not ruin it for my son. I'm not talking needing security at the venue type of stuff, but 3 of my sibs and their spouses are coming in from out of town and sometimes they don't always get along. I can't all have them at the rehearsal dinner because that would literally make up half of the wedding guests.  I was thinking about opening my house to them rehearsal night and having deli trays so everyone could get together as a family but I was told not to do that by DH, sis2, and Sis4. So I won't.

I'm just foreshadowing drama from sis2 (who is literally just like our mother, and is coming stag, hence why she is staying with nMom)