Mother's Day hoovering

[lotusblume]

I had a little anxiety over the emails popping up in my spam folder that I hadn't checked. I know sometimes it is actually spam, but my spider senses were tingling, and sure enough, there was a hoover email.

I know some of you just ignore all hoovers completely, leave everything unread, but at this point in my journey, opening it up was actually a relief. No one had died, there were no emergencies, and the hoover message just triggered something new in me: instant righteous anger. The goal is to eventually be completely unaffected, but since angering is usually difficult for me, the resulting instant anger from the Hoover rather than the habitual FOG for hours/days/weeks and anger turned inwards, felt like I have surpassed a massive hurdle.

I was able to see through the guilt inducing intention and manipulation, and feel enraged that I'm being painted black, told indirectly that how I feel doesn't matter and the only important feelings are those of my FOO, and that I'm being told to get back into line. That my no contact boundaries aren't respected, that I'm not respected, and that I will never get an apology, only remain scapegoated for no longer enabling toxic, abusive and controlling behaviour. I can see the utter contempt in the loss of control and sick need to keep trying to control me.

For all of you struggling with the FOG, I suggest to keep allowing that guilt to run it's course until you realise that it is projected guilt. You will feel stronger and see more clearly.

Have a nice weekend everyone and thank you for being such an empowering and supportive group.

[SunnyMeadow]

Thank you for this lotusblume!

Like you, I have been finally able to see the manipulation and guilt inducing actions and they make me angry now. Before I used to be scared of upsetting mother, now I see her for who she really is. And to think this is the women I thought understood me and had my back above all others. Quite eye opening now that I can dissect these awful texts and emails and see them for what they are...manipulations!