Adria,
No, you are not a bad mom.
I am going thru something similar with my DD (22), I don't announce what she is doing to me (which is making me FURIOUS, disgusted, disappointed, harming my sanity and mental health and that of my younger two children and husband). I just don't say anything.
I don't announce that I am not taking her calls. I just don't answer them. I turn my phone OFF at night; when I WAKE UP, I turn the phone on. She is already set to silent ring..so during the day I don't see her call. I check the VM or not..
DD text the other day to 'send me xyz at college.' I ignored it. She called 5x, I didn't pick up, she didn't leave VM. She text again, 'send me xyz at college.' *she didn't say please and I could have sent it, I didn't feel like it so I didn't and a day later I sent back, "not sending anything." She has no idea if I am in town, has no idea what I am doing with my other children, I am not doing another thing for her. NOT.
I am sorry you are going thru this, and I will say the house renovation is GRATING and exasperating WITHOUT having a PD child..we went thru this last spring..a 4 weeks job turned into 4 months (I want to say quadruple your 'estimated time' the contractor gives you, and EXPECT problems along the way to add to the cost..
My 2 cents for today will be; please stop taking his calls, for x time period. Don't tell him why, just start lowering the contact...they will eventually have to figure out a way without you...
This is awful, but I sometimes think I know women my age that have died of breast cancer, my high school friend was dx with stage 3 BC last year at 47 and died within 6 months (shocker in today's world but she got severe and resistant infection complications after the DM) so what if that was me...the ADULT child would have to figure it out...so I think if I was dead right now, I would not have to deal with her/his call..his/her problem..endless problems....
Their problems are not our problems, lets stop making an adults problems our problems, we ACTUALLy have lives and other children...and our health to think about...they don't get to take everything from us because we had them, they don't...