This needs to be said again and again

[aybabtu]

Hi all,
I haven't been on here for awhile. After reading some posts, I though I should put this up here.

1. If you are being physically abused, no matter if you are a male on the receiving end of the abuse, it's time for you to consider protecting yourself. I (a male) was beaten up by my wife numerous times (no I am not a sissy) I would always try to find the nearest exit a leave.
I WOULD NEVER TOUCH HER BACK. In my case, I was reluctant to file a police report because I thought it would escalate things and her prospect of future employment would be hurt.
Looking back now, FILE A REPORT IMMEDIATELY.  
2. If your spouse or partner is blocking you from walking outside, and exiting a room, it's unlawful detainment, it's a felony in my state. FILE A REPORT IMMEDIATELY.
3. I made the mistake of sticking around for a year and a half thinking that I could swoop in and help her handle  her problems. You see, the only person you can fix is yourself. You are fooling yourself if you think you can do things to make someone change, they have to want to change.
4. I lost my voice when I was in that toxic environment, I was unable to set boundaries and was controlled. SEEK COUNSELING! I've been in counseling for over a year now and I can say that it's outfitted me with armor, she can say stuff to me and I respond now with the crude truth of the matter and I don't let her walk all over me.
5. I will say this one more time, if you, a friend or family member is putting up with domestic violence because you/they hope that things will be different down the road and the person will change, I would truly recommend you/they REPORT THE ACT, and seek good shelter. Also, hope is not a strategy here.

I hope this will help someone. I know it can be scary, but you will be better for it by leaving a toxic environment.

[openskyblue]

 

Thanks for posting this. It sounds like you are rebuilding your life. I'm glad you shared your experience here. I think men who are physically abused by a female partner get the very short end of the stick in our society.

"Hope is not a strategy." What truth lies in this statement!

[coyote]

aybatu,
It is not often males speak up about physical abuse but it has happened to me and it happens to more than we know IMO. In my case I was able to stop it with strong boundaries. If it had not stopped I'd be gone also. I say we can only be abused if we allow it. So I hear you, I hope noone out there IRL allows it any more. Thanks for the post.

[mrstring]

aybatu,
It is not often males speak up about physical abuse but it has happened to me and it happens to more than we know IMO. In my case I was able to stop it with strong boundaries. If it had not stopped I'd be gone also. I say we can only be abused if we allow it. So I hear you, I hope noone out there IRL allows it any more. Thanks for the post.

I was physically abused, not constantly or anything but had my glasses ripped off, slapped, had knuckles jabbed in my ribs. it never hurt but it was scary because if I physically ended it by restraining her I would be the one who could wind up in jail. So I just took it. Really ticks me off looking back on it.