He looks pregnant.

[Seven]

Had a small gathering yesterday.  Sis1 from out of town, uNPD mother, the newlyweds, younger son, a friend of ours who knows about the ugly comments my mother made about me, and a friend of the newlyweds.  Fairly small by my family’s standards.

Newlyweds thought “let’s use the tv web browser so everyone can see wedding photos” instead of having to pass around a laptop, so that’s what we did.

My uNPD mother proceeds to tell my son he looks pregnant in his wedding photos.

Oh, and the first thing she did when she got here?  She proceeded to check all my curio cabinets to see what she could take home.  She left with two plastic planters I wasn’t using, while my son andDIL left with bunches of stuff.

Oh, and she absolutely did not like the fact that I would not let her take home a pic of me and my eldest from my wedding 25 years ago that he did a project on in his high school photography class.  She said “oh, let me have it and you can have it back after I die”. I said “ it was a gift from my son, so NO!” CBF all day.

Now that I think of it, why does she have to have what is mine?

[SunnyMeadow]

My uNPD mother proceeds to tell my son he looks pregnant in his wedding photos.

What the heck?? I mean, what a rude thing to say and in front of everyone during what should be a fun time watching wedding photos!  My uNPDmom would do a something similar because the attention wasn't on her.

Oh, and the first thing she did when she got here?  She proceeded to check all my curio cabinets to see what she could take home.  She left with two plastic planters I wasn't using, while my son andDIL left with bunches of stuff.

Oh, and she absolutely did not like the fact that I would not let her take home a pic of me and my eldest from my wedding 25 years ago that he did a project on in his high school photography class.  She said "oh, let me have it and you can have it back after I die". I said " it was a gift from my son, so NO!" CBF all day.

Now that I think of it, why does she have to have what is mine?

That's weird! Wonder what that's about? Luckily my mom wouldn't do that because my stuff isn't good enough for her! 

[Andeza]

First, that's about the meanest thing she could possibly say to him and completely uncalled for. "You look pregnant in those photos" I'd shoot back "You look like you need to keep your mouth shut." But I'm one of those too fast on my feet for my own good kinda people.

Second, she thinks she needs to have your stuff, but she's got zero right to it and I hope you don't let her take anything else. I wouldn't have let her walk out with anything but the recycling if I were you.  Some pd's don't want us to have nice things because the nice things make us happy and in their eyes we're not allowed to be happy.

[Seven]

Unfortunately, I am not one of those fast on my feet kind of people.  I really wish I was.  I feel badly that I said nothing to defend my son, but I just couldn't believe what came out of her mouth, I was so aghast.  I am so disappointed in myself even still.  She bashed my looks at the wedding the day I brought her mother's day gift (early).  I posted Christina Aguilera lyrics to "Beautiful" on my FB page and tagged my kids this morning so they both know pretty much "screw her". 

I was giving my DIL an empty strawberry tower (4 stackable levels) so she could plant succulents and my mother said "oh, I want 2 of those levels so I can repot my plants".  Da fuq woman? I had 8 plastic planters from last year that I had not reused yet, so I dumped the dirt and gave her the two worst.

[Andeza]

Haha! The worst ones, I like it. They'll probably crack and leak water or something.

I'm reminded of all the retail horror stories of people who say "I like your shirt (or watch, or necklace, etc) sell it to me," and then won't let it drop until management kicks them out. I guess those people are probably PD's.

Not fast on your feet just means you're a nice person. That's not a bad thing. I've just worked with truckers for far too long and I had to be fast to keep them in line and hold some measure of respect.

[WomanInterrupted]

What a rude thing for your mom to say!  I'm also a little *too* quick with words, and probably would have shot back, "You might actually seem intelligent if you just stopped talking."   

WHY did she want the project your son did for you, with the proclamation, "You can have it back when I die."????????

Warning:  any time you're told you can have something back when she dies means it *won't be there.*  It'll probably have been binned within 5 minutes of walking into her room, or otherwise re-gifted, discarded or traded away *because she knows you want it.*

But it won't be there unless you get *very* lucky - and want to go through what passes as a hoarder's trash can, that *never* gets dumped, and seemed to be reserved for pictures of my pets, only!   

Yes - unBPD Didi would demand pictures of our pets, and I think they went in that can right after I left, as a way to punish me, somehow.  I had extras of all the pictures, except one - Arlo's first official picture as Our Cat, as taken by our vet.  (He was abandoned by our next-door neighbor, and we were establishing *ownership* - so I'm also in the picture.)

I showed the picture to Didi, who all but grabbed it out of my hand.  I asked her to give it back, as it was the only one, and she said, "You can have it back when I'm dead!"

I found it in the trash, with the other pictures.  I nearly lost my shit, and  suddenly had to go home when I found she'd written, "Arlo and ?????" on back of it.   

Anything I'd been told I could have after she died was *gone* - and I can imagine her smirking as she got rid of the items, thinking she was "zinging" me from beyond the grave. 

So DO be pro-active when she says she wants something - if you don't want her to have it, keep saying, "NO!" - and consider *not inviting her over, in the future, for ANY reason.*   

Just because she's in a nursing home in your town, doesn't mean she's *your responsibility.*

UnNPD Ray is in a nursing home about 7 miles away, and I haven't seen or talked to him in over 3 years.  It's best for everybody - especially the staff at the nursing home, because I seem to be Ray's biggest trigger.

Perhaps you should check with the social worker at your mom's nursing home - how does your mom act, to the staff and other residents, after visits with you and yours?

If  she behaves badly - there's your answer.   

[Seven]

WI,
Unfortunately for us she's in IL, not a nursing home thanks to bros 5 and 6.  Nice place.... no medical care, not even on campus.  She'll eventually have to be moved...AGAIN.  And I ain't doin it. Nope.                                 

[Andeza]

WI,
Unfortunately for us she's in IL, not a nursing home thanks to bros 5 and 6.  Nice place.... no medical care, not even on campus.  She'll eventually have to be moved...AGAIN.  And I ain't doin it. Nope.                                 

Keep telling yourself that, keep saying you're not doing it, because you know when the time comes the pressure will be on.

"Oh Seven! M is just making this a nightmare, we really need your help! You're the only one that can make this happen!" .... "Sounds like a personal problem to me." And walk away