a book passage I found helpful

[WheezyPenguin]

I hope this is okay to share - I just finished reading Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover. 

Her writing about her estrangement from her father is really powerful.  I am going to be pondering this for a while.  Here's an excerpt:

"I shed my guilt when I accepted my decision [not to see him anymore] on its own terms [...] Without thinking of my father at all.  I learned to accept my decision for my own sake, because of me, not because of him.  Because I needed it, not because he deserved it.

It was the only way I could love him.

When my father was in my life, wrestling me for control of that life, I perceived him with the eyes of a soldier, through a fog of conflict.  I could not make out his tender qualities. [...] I can only remember those things now, with a span of miles and years between us.

But what has come between me and my father is more than time or distance.  It is a change in the self.  I am not the child my father raised, but he is the father who raised her."

Editing to add: I see this with my own mother, when I have some time and distance I am more likely to remember the good things.  But it does feel like when we actually interact, it is always as adversaries.

[appaloosa]

I just read that book this past January. Incredible story!

[Bluebell]

Thanks for sharing Wheezy

I am a book addict so  always on the look out for my next book - usually have at least 3 or 4 lined up ready (couldn't cope without a new book to start!)

Still dealing with guilt, even though I know I've said on here that I've 'decided' not to feel guilty - I don't think it works like that somehow.

Sadly, at the moment, I can't remember any good things about my mother - I wish that I could.  Feels really sad to say it.  The book does sound very powerful - Thanks.

Just added it to my wish list on Amazon - which is fairly long!   I worry that there's not going to be time enough in my life to read all of the books - also, that maybe I should read less and live more

[SunnyMeadow]

Thanks for this Wheezy.

I like the "because of me, not because of him" part. I try to hold down the ingrained rush to help and protect my mother when she doesn't give a rip about me or others. I'm going to keep this in mind and get this book.