Confused about NPD

[Angelofharlem]

Hi I have just recently been reading about narcissistic personality disorder and and am wondering if this is what I have been experiencing from my now ex boyfriend.  He can be  charming and generous and many people like him but they don't see the other side to him.  I have always thought he had a jekyll and hyde personality.  He has always made me feel guilty that I am not putting him first or not being fully committed.    He gets into a terrible rage if he thinks I am disrespecting him by listening to someone else's opinions on politics etc rather than his own.  He says he knows what he is talking about and I should listen to him not my "idiot" friends.  At times these rages can be very intimidating and frightening , with him smashing things against the wall, physically throwing me out the house etc.  He never apologises and never takes responsibility for his behaviour, stating that it was justified, and that I deserved it.  He is easily slighted and will walk out of a pub in a bad mood if he thinks he is being ignored, and it is impossible to know what slightest thing will set him off.  He is quite needy and hates any time spent on his own.  He gets frustrated that we are not living together yet but his behaviour is the reason why, although he cannot see that.  He is also frustrated that financially things are not better due to not living together.  I just get the impression that he wants everything to suit him.  I feel I have been suffering from emotional distress but he dismisses this and doesnt seem to care at all.  I am quite confused at the moment..he will say its all my fault things havent worked out..I dont know, is this a personality disorder or does he just have anger issues?

[Penny Lane]

Hi Angelofharlem,
Welcome and I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you're dealing with a whole lot right now and I hope this site can give you some support.

No one here can tell you for certain whether someone has a personality disorder. But I will say that all the things you describe are patterns that sound very familiar. And I think if you went on over to the separating and divorcing board you'd find a lot of stories very similar to yours, right down to the Jekyll and Hyde reference.

I also recommend the toolbox, it has some incredible skills for dealing with someone with these patterns, whether or not the person officially has a personality disorder.

Again, welcome!

[Angelofharlem]

Thank you