I just want to scream!

[IWasNeverReallyHere]

I asked AVPD if she wanted out of our relationship and to be honest with me. Forget about what I want. What did SHE want...

She said she didn't think we were in a relationship. She said she thought we were friends and had agreed on that in a conversation. About ten weeks ago, she and I slept together. We said we loved each other. And I do love her.

However, I told her the relationship wasn't fulfilling me. She didn't have time for me with her job, her child and her family engagements. Not to mention living two hours apart. I felt utterly disconnected from her. That I wanted a break and to meet other people We weren't an exclusive couple anyway. She was okay with this but I don't really know if that's true.

A week later I slept with someone else. It caught me off guard myself as this is a very rare occurrence for me. It was a one off and I have not seen the woman since. I think I partly did this because I resented AVPD's promiscuous ways. I figured, why not me? Why can't I have some fun for once! All the men she had been with in the past and had been with at the same time that she was with me, but unbeknownst to me. Yet, the people I'd been with I could count on one hand.

I chose to tell AVPD what had happened. I believe in being honest so I stay true to myself. Maybe also because I care for her and I felt I'd done the wrong thing. Or maybe it was my way of trying to tell her that I didn't feel loved by her. She said she was not surprised over what I'd done, but I didn't really understand what that meant.

Today, she said she was hurt after finding out I'd been with someone else, but she reiterated that we weren't exclusive. After that, she said she had stopped thinking about me as her boyfriend. That she has in fact, been seeing someone else.

I had fallen in love with her boy. She and I had talked about moving in together, even being married. I've been loyal to her. She's been my best friend. But I think there is just too much resentment that I have towards her to ever resolve this mess and dysfunction.

I had always believed that her boy should be put first. What was in his best interests. I had felt so sorry for the child. But that's me, the compassionate, giving person who was willing to step in and be the father figure. All these men she ends up with, the child will be so confused and wonder who his dad is.

I've been so angry with myself for choosing to let her back into my life. I had buried her. I was free of her. For four years. I told her we needed to end things between she and I. And now I have to do it all over again... And for what? In another few years, the cycle to repeat itself all over again? I hate this shit!

[Blackbird11]

I can only commiserate. It's maddening. It's a rollercoaster. And almost no one else can understand unless they're in it. Stay strong.

[IWasNeverReallyHere]

What's the point in posting on here when nobody even bothers to offer support?!

[11JB68]

Ever-changing, if you're new to the forum don't lose hope. It seems that the way it works is some posts really resonate with others for whatever reason, and some just don't. You'll almost always get at least one response of commiseration or support (which you did), but sometimes that's all... Keep posting and you'll find that a lot of folks will share in pieces of what you're going through, though out is different for everyone. Also, try looking for other people's posts that resonate with you, and comment on those, it will help you to feel part of the group maybe.

[moglow]

I asked AVPD if she wanted out of our relationship and to be honest with me. Forget about what I want. What did SHE want...

She said she didn't think we were in a relationship. She said she thought we were friends and had agreed on that in a conversation. About ten weeks ago, she and I slept together. We said we loved each other. And I do love her.

However, I told her the relationship wasn't fulfilling me.
...Today, she said she was hurt after finding out I'd been with someone else, but she reiterated that we weren't exclusive. After that, she said she had stopped thinking about me as her boyfriend. That she has in fact, been seeing someone else. ...

I'll be honest, it's like the two of you were talking about completely different situations here, almost like you're having two different conversations. That conversation probably should have taken place much sooner so you both were on the same page. It's sad that it didn't. Even though you had a shared past, this was a still new relationship for you. Actually, having a "past" with this person made it easier to return to her, but at the same time those scars were there and caution was understandable. As they say, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but this is one of those situations where the only way out is through. You work through the pain and disappointment and hopefully can release it so it doesn't follow you into the future.

[IWasNeverReallyHere]

I am sorry for my last comment on this thread. I was feeling very bitter at the time. It ebbs and flows. Unfortunately, I tend to want to take out my anger on others. I knew that I didn't even mean what I'd said, because the majority of the time the replies to my posts are incredibly supportive and I'm grateful for each one of them.

I would like to reply to other threads on here, but I find it so hard to mainly because I want to help myself first. But I know my experiences have given me great insight that can be passed on to help others.

Thanks moglow. I'm not sure if truer words have been written that past behavior is generally a good indicator of future behavior!

I made it clear to her that regardless of what I decide to do, move on, work on it, that the same issues and behavior cycle would eventually repeat and I felt trapped because of that, to say the least. She suggested I do whatever I want and left it up to me to decide what to do with her... It seemed as if she was speaking with a self hatred or prejudice that I didn't understand. She stated the obvious, that I'm entitled to my own decision, but it's as if she's missing the point, or the bigger picture entirely.

[1footouttadefog]

I made it clear to her that regardless of what I decide to do, move on, work on it, that the same issues and behavior cycle would eventually repeat and I felt trapped because of that, to say the least. She suggested I do whatever I want and left it up to me to decide what to do with her... It seemed as if she was speaking with a self hatred or prejudice that I didn't understand. She stated the obvious, that I'm entitled to my own decision, but it's as if she's missing the point, or the bigger picture entirely.

End quote

It seems to me that you have a difference of goals and values. 

It seems she does not want a monogamous relationship and you do.  This cannot be sorted as they conflict with each other.

She has stated where you stand with her in the above statement.  I dont thi k she is missing your point, I think she has a different plan in mind and it does not mean being in a long term manogamous relationship with you.

You are concerned with her child but are likely trying to solve a problem she does not see herself or the child as having, again this represents a glaring difference is values and life goals and world view.

I would seriously consider entering the friemd zone until you two arw a better match.