Distorted thinking patterns

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11JB68

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Distorted thinking patterns
« on: May 14, 2019, 12:40:43 AM »
On a quick overnight trip with uOCPDh and DS21.
Always stressful traveling with uPDh.
At least now I am armed with knowledge and strategies from ootf.
I tend to be able to observe now, with little reaction/medium chill...
We're getting somewhat close to our destination, but need a break/snack...get off the highway, stop at s fast food place. Updh is driving of course cuz he can't stand for anyone else to. We get back on the highway, 2 minutes later he says we need gas, the light just came on. I said, oh, we just were off the highway with3 gas stations... Ok. Get off at the next exit. (I just know, had this been me, he would have berated me for being stupid or irresponsible etc for not noticing/thinking ahead to get gas when we were already off the hwy. But he says oh well, no big deal.. ) also of course we stop and I go pay and ask ds to pump. I've not let uPDh pump had since the last time he couldn't figure it out and so blamed me and acted paranoid that I must have told the clerk to shut off the pump?? :sadno:
Anyway, all in all not a bad day...




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11JB68

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2019, 01:14:57 AM »
Also when packing for this trip...I always have to help him pack. I've done laundry all weekend, it's all caught up. He opens his closet, looks for a minute, says "have we not done laundry lately" (1. We means 11jb....2. As if he has no clean shirts). The closet is full, not a single empty hanger! This is the type of thing where I reallyfeel worried in that he doesn't seem to be dealing in reality...how did he look in that closet and thick his laundry hadnot been done???

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athene1399

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2019, 08:46:34 AM »
I'm not really sure what could be going on here, JB. With the gas it sounds like he gets a little paranoid, thinking that there must be a conspiracy against him if he can't figure something out. The clothes sound like something different. Maybe the specific shirt he was looking for wasn't there so he had to make an excuse (laundry not being done) instead of acknowledging maybe he misplaced it somewhere. IDK. Either way, that must be super annoying. I am glad you are working on medium chill. That works really well for me. :) Usually in these situations explaining what is really going on just causes an argument that goes no where.

At any rate, hope the rest of your trip went well!

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11JB68

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2019, 12:00:09 PM »
Thx athene. Yes the gas thing from a few years ago seemed really paranoid. It was pretty scary. I was not yet ootf and had no idea what I was dealing with...
Medium chill helps a lot. Doesn't solve the underlying problems but maintains some peace.
The trip overall was fine. ☺

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11JB68

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2019, 01:09:03 PM »
The closet thing seems almost schizotypal to me...a distortion in perception...unless it is an attempt on his part to gaslight me, make me feel I didn't live up to expectations some how...but it just seems like the reality was so clear, that it had to be a distortion...somehow this frightens me...and also makes me so glad that I've studied the tools here and know not to jade, to use mc, etc....arguing with that kind of distortion I'm sure would go no where. I did calmly respond that I had done laundry.

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athene1399

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2019, 09:01:05 AM »
Yes, arguing goes nowhere. But at times it can be so hard not to! Like you want them to know how delusional they are being yet they won't hear it. Or will argue if you try to explain. I'm glad you found the toolbox. It is far less exhausting to not argue. I used to waste so much energy trying to say the truth (usually through JADE which led to more arguing). Now I unusually say "Sorry you feel that way." End of conversation.

Seeing the distorted thinking must be scary for you at times. Sometimes I can laugh it off. Other times it's like how serious a problem is this? How can they possibly think x is going on? That gets my anxiety going.

At any rate, glad your trip went well!  :)

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11JB68

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2019, 03:02:44 PM »
This reminded me of something from years ago with uPDm. I still can't quite figure out if they truly believethis stuff or are they consciously making it up to mess with us?
Prior to nc we moved. .3 mi further from uPDm about1 min time wise driving.
UPDm literally cried about the fact that we had moved further away from her!!
I remember being so confused and thinking how does she really believe this??

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Wilderhearts

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2019, 08:30:45 PM »
I really think that pwOCPD need something to nitpick at, something to harp on, to feel ok, to feel like they're bigger than you are.  That's been my experience - they can't acknowledge what you've done right, or even if there's nothing wrong for them to pick at, because that would mean the chips are up for you.  It's not about reality, or anything you've actually done, it's about finding a way to have some kind of power over you.

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11JB68

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Re: Distorted thinking patterns
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2019, 12:50:00 AM »
 :yeahthat:
Yes...power and control...