Is this a useless way to think?

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CoffeeCup2

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Is this a useless way to think?
« on: May 15, 2019, 11:33:35 PM »
Bear with me...Iím not sure this will make total sense but Iíll try my best to explain!

I feel like Iím ready to meet people, not ready to date seriously. Iíve always had most success in relationships where I got a good solid friendship base with the guy I was dating first. Moving too fast ended in disaster (cue last relationship with uNPDx).

Iíve had guys show interest in me. Iím not interested in them (for whatever reason). But itís almost like they are very forward with their feelings right out of the gate.  Itís been a bit of a turn off, especially if I have zero attraction to them. Not to mention, itís a big flashing sign that screams ďserious relationship, sex, intimacy, exclusivenessĒ. No thanks.

I dislike online dating. I prefer to meet people in person. Before uNPDx, it was conceivable to me. I had no problem knowing that Iíd get out there, do something I love, meet someone that way, get to know each other. But now thatís foreign. Just like a lot of other things relationship-wise.

Maybe I just need to quit. Stop focusing on putting myself out there. Stop wondering and hoping if someone finds me cool, attractive, fun, intriguing etc. Just go about life for myself. Donít worry about the rest.

I want to think that Iím a catch to someone, somewhere, and Iíll feel the same to them. But lately Iíve been struggling with meeting all the wrong people, and almost trying to prove to myself that yes, I can do better than uNPDx.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Is this a useless way to think?
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2019, 04:42:39 AM »
Sounds to me like you are undecided. On the one side you want another relationship and on the other you don't. Maybe this could be a good moment to figure out exactly what you expect from a relationship, what are the musts and the absolute Nonos. That is tedious, hard work but it might help you to make decisions in the future.

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CoffeeCup2

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Re: Is this a useless way to think?
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2019, 08:27:35 AM »
Sounds to me like you are undecided. On the one side you want another relationship and on the other you don't. Maybe this could be a good moment to figure out exactly what you expect from a relationship, what are the musts and the absolute Nonos. That is tedious, hard work but it might help you to make decisions in the future.

Very much so. I enjoy the thought of having a loving relationship, but that seems too foreign to me right now.

I think the best approach is doing just what you said - focusing on what I want and what I absolutely do not want. Thankfully Iíve been able to politely decline some invitations because I just didnít see myself as a match with them. This is a good step as itís showing Iíve (finally) developed some boundaries.