Is this a useless way to think?

[CoffeeCup2]

Bear with me...I'm not sure this will make total sense but I'll try my best to explain!

I feel like I'm ready to meet people, not ready to date seriously. I've always had most success in relationships where I got a good solid friendship base with the guy I was dating first. Moving too fast ended in disaster (cue last relationship with uNPDx).

I've had guys show interest in me. I'm not interested in them (for whatever reason). But it's almost like they are very forward with their feelings right out of the gate.  It's been a bit of a turn off, especially if I have zero attraction to them. Not to mention, it's a big flashing sign that screams "serious relationship, sex, intimacy, exclusiveness". No thanks.

I dislike online dating. I prefer to meet people in person. Before uNPDx, it was conceivable to me. I had no problem knowing that I'd get out there, do something I love, meet someone that way, get to know each other. But now that's foreign. Just like a lot of other things relationship-wise.

Maybe I just need to quit. Stop focusing on putting myself out there. Stop wondering and hoping if someone finds me cool, attractive, fun, intriguing etc. Just go about life for myself. Don't worry about the rest.

I want to think that I'm a catch to someone, somewhere, and I'll feel the same to them. But lately I've been struggling with meeting all the wrong people, and almost trying to prove to myself that yes, I can do better than uNPDx.

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds to me like you are undecided. On the one side you want another relationship and on the other you don't. Maybe this could be a good moment to figure out exactly what you expect from a relationship, what are the musts and the absolute Nonos. That is tedious, hard work but it might help you to make decisions in the future.

[CoffeeCup2]

Sounds to me like you are undecided. On the one side you want another relationship and on the other you don't. Maybe this could be a good moment to figure out exactly what you expect from a relationship, what are the musts and the absolute Nonos. That is tedious, hard work but it might help you to make decisions in the future.

Very much so. I enjoy the thought of having a loving relationship, but that seems too foreign to me right now.

I think the best approach is doing just what you said - focusing on what I want and what I absolutely do not want. Thankfully I've been able to politely decline some invitations because I just didn't see myself as a match with them. This is a good step as it's showing I've (finally) developed some boundaries.