[Sojourner17]

Hi all, I wanted to post this question on here to you to get your thoughts on it. 
I recently had another set to with my mom... I posted three posts about it within this past week.

I’ve been thinking about the whole idea of rebuking a believer and the verses that pertain to this in the Bible. Still flushing this out a bit.

I also went back and read my initial boundary setting letter that started pretty much this whole thing three years ago.  The issues are pretty much the same, bad talking my husband, calling me uncaring, contemptuous, having a bad attitude, insinuating there is something really wrong with me on a personal level, mad because I’m saying I can’t help them with their problems, disregarding my feelings and my voicing of my limits (they have it worse, she was busier at my age etc).

As time goes on our ability to communicate and the topics available is becoming narrower and narrower. 

Basically I just want to say if you don’t have anything nice to say about me, my husband, the level of contact I AM giving, don’t say anything at all. And just say if they want to build the relationship up this is my basic requirement. No more complaining, no more saying I’m not doing/being enough. Full on if you can’t communicate nicely and respectfully don’t communicate at all. 

I’m just thinking, I’ve rebuked even more outrageous behaviour in the past. Plus I have given them boundaries in written and verbal form with no change, only worsening behaviour. The bible talks about rebuking, rebuking a second time, if it’s still happening to have nothing to do with them.

What are your thoughts? I’m getting to the end of my rope.

[Call Me Cordelia]

 
I’m just thinking, I’ve rebuked even more outrageous behaviour in the past. Plus I have given them boundaries in written and verbal form with no change, only worsening behaviour. The bible talks about rebuking, rebuking a second time, if it’s still happening to have nothing to do with them.

What are your thoughts? I’m getting to the end of my rope.

If you have time, I would be very interested in seeing the references for those verses. Sounds familiar but I don’t know where in the Bible that is.

The three strikes rule seems like a good rule of thumb. I think your mother is way beyond three... 

Have you found Luke 17:3 ministries yet? It would probably be of interest to you.

[Spring Butterfly]

So you're thinking of sending another letter because they're still trash talking? Is there a way to shut it down in the moment and remind them the topic is out of bounds? My experience was that any boundary violation is best addressed in the moment. Best for me that is, it sent uPDm if the rails and I had to immediately exit the situation but at least I had spoken up in the moment. It was the most difficult recommendation in the Boundaries book for me to do.

If you can't do it out loud in the moment then maybe letter would work but for me there was tremendous value in me finding my voice and being able to speak my truth and stand up for myself.

"As time goes on our ability to communicate and the topics available is becoming narrower and narrower."
This was my experience also unless I prepare well ahead of time and call when I'm prepared enough, books, articles, general items of interest. Then they pretty much "uh huh" me the whole time.

This helped me:
http://luke173ministries.org/466798

[GentleSoul]

Thank you for sharing the link, Spring Butterfly.

Interesting and helpful reading.

When I discovered that me standing my ground, boundary setting, using our blessed Toolbox techniques were encouraged by the Bible, it felt like I had been given "permission" to use them in a guilt free way.  That I was doing what God wanted me to do.  If that makes sense.  He doesn't want me to tolerate abuse, he wants me happy and thriving.

I very much enjoy listening to Joyce Meyer, she is very vocal about us living this way.  Joel Osteen too.  About standing up and building the best life possible.  That self care is vital and God wants us to use it. 

[Julian R]

Cordelia - I think the Bible references could be either Titus 3: 10-11 or Matthew 18: 15-17

Spring Butterfly - Thanks also for the link to Luke 17: 3 site.  I wasn't familiar with it, it looks helpful.

The Bible does  suggest there are limits to what we can and should do when there is an abusive person in our lives.  Yes we should do what we can to arrive at a peaceable and conciliatory outcome but if the offending party persists, is unrepentant and will not or cannot change then more decisive action is needed and legitimate - no contact for example, even recourse to legal action.  No need to feel bad about that as a christian if the circumstances really justify it.

[Sojourner17]

Thank you all for responding.  Yes, the passage I was thinking of is in Titus. 

I read the Luke 17 webpage... it was kind of the one I started looking at that made me wonder if that is where I’m at in my own situation. 

I am still blocking my parents numbers at the moment. I’ve had no attempts at contact ie voicemail since the texts in May.  While my plan is to leave the block in place until the end of summer (for sure) I am struggling with thoughts of “is it really bad enough to do so?”.  It’s a hard place to be.

[Spring Butterfly]

if you are questioning whether or not it's bad enough and yet you felt motivated enough to take action to protect yourself I think you've answered your own question

[Sojourner17]

Spring Butterfly, good point. 

I need the space to gain clarity and heal.  To open things up would not be good at this time.

[biggerfish]

You can also, at any time, wipe the sand off your feet, and move on.