Hiding my faith

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Spirit in the sky

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Hiding my faith
« on: May 23, 2019, 05:26:32 PM »
I was brought up with Christian values, went to church when I was younger. I drifted away from religion but have always been spiritual. In recent years I have found a deeper connection with God, especially when I was suffering from anxiety and depression.

My faith guides and supports in all aspects of my life, and as I care for both my elderly parents I find comfort in prayer. I have been with my husband for 18 years, initially he wasnít interested in my faith, having not been brought up with any beliefs. But since he has started having more problems with his narcissist mother we have had some deep and meaningful talks about my faith, and he respects it.

Unfortunately I have always felt I needed to hide my faith from my NMIL. In the beginning I choose to have a more personal relationship with God and didnít share my beliefs with anyone. But I learnt how much she hated Christians and how she spoke negatively about God I choose to stay silent. I was afraid of her judgment and cruel remarks, she actually verbally abused Street Pastors.
Christmas was very uncomfortable when I mentioned going to church she started swearing and making crass jokes.

Iím finding more and more I am being guided by the light, Iíve spoken to friends and they see how much happier I am living openly with my faith. I have tried to explain to my NMIL how much this means to me but she tells me to Ďwise upí and how much she hates Christians. Through 18 years of her narcissist abuse I have prayed for guidance and tried to show kindness and compassion, which is used against me.

I really donít have the energy or desire to be made to feel bad about myself anymore. I know everyone is a divine creation of God and everyone deserves love but how to I find the balance between self respect and forgiveness my NMIL behaves this way.



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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Hiding my faith
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2019, 09:46:13 AM »
Matthew 7:6 would apply here I think.

Even though my MIL is Christian it's a different religion and she's always hated hearing anything even if I was simply relating a nice experience if it had anything at all to do with God she'd spit and spew PA comments. When sharing anything I tried my best to remain absolutely neutral speaking in general terms about a God and beliefs we have in common. I stopped wasting my breath.

I'm sorry you're having this experience and Jesus was shrewd and cautious when it came to interacting those who dealt with him in an aggressive manner and he encouraged his disciples to do the same.  It may feel like hiding but if you reframe it within the context of that verse it may bring some peace.
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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Spirit in the sky

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Re: Hiding my faith
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2019, 09:54:47 AM »
Thank you Spring Butterfly. I donít know why I feel I should keep giving her chances when all she does it repeat the same abusive behaviour. I know she really has no genuine interest in and is using me to get to my hubby. 

Matthew 7:6 would apply here I think.

Even though my MIL is Christian it's a different religion and she's always hated hearing anything even if I was simply relating a nice experience if it had anything at all to do with God she'd spit and spew PA comments. When sharing anything I tried my best to remain absolutely neutral speaking in general terms about a God and beliefs we have in common. I stopped wasting my breath.

I'm sorry you're having this experience and Jesus was shrewd and cautious when it came to interacting those who dealt with him in an aggressive manner and he encouraged his disciples to do the same.  It may feel like hiding but if you reframe it within the context of that verse it may bring some peace.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Hiding my faith
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2019, 11:22:33 AM »
There's a whole ton of cultural / religious / other reasons why so many of us here keep trying for so long, years. In the end we throw up our hands, wonder what's going on and land here.

My take... It's just human to try to get along with others. For a PD often the interpretation of getting along with others  is that everyone does what they want and the universe revolves around them. They're stunted in the emotional maturity of a toddler who throws a tantrum (Hoover) when they don't get their way and try their best through various means to get what they want. So sad and pitiful really.
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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Goodheart316

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Re: Hiding my faith
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2019, 11:09:44 PM »
I've felt like you have. Just remember we are made in His image.  Your mother-in-law has a lot of issues that are stewing inside her. Keep shining the light. She knows you have something she doesn't. Keep her in prayer. God is using you to reach her whether you can see it or not.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Hiding my faith
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2019, 11:25:40 AM »
Quote
I donít know why I feel I should keep giving her chances when all she does it repeat the same abusive behaviour. I know she really has no genuine interest in and is using me to get to my hubby. 

This website was so helpful for my recovery and understanding
http://luke173ministries.org/466793
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips. Individuation is the key to emotional freedom.

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Spirit in the sky

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Re: Hiding my faith
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2019, 01:15:13 PM »


Thank you so much Spring Butterfly. Your message was divinely sent when I needed it.

Quote
I donít know why I feel I should keep giving her chances when all she does it repeat the same abusive behaviour. I know she really has no genuine interest in and is using me to get to my hubby. 

This website was so helpful for my recovery and understanding
http://luke173ministries.org/466793