Love turned Bitter. From being my God to being Lucifer. A story of 2.

[justanotherempath]

This is a piece of writing I am working on, I am thinking of making it into a book online for everyone that suffered through NARC/psychopath/toxic relationships.

Please give me comments and let me know your genuine thoughts, what is good, and what could be improved, Than you I really appreciate it! (background - the setting is in a Thai university where there is only about 10 westerners)

ONLY TWO TYPES IN THIS WORLD

There is only two. Only two types of people on this Earth. Compare them similar to that when we read or watch Harry Potter. Do you understand what I am talking about? I am trying to say, Harry Potter my friends, my dear enlightened ones, my dear empaths, this story is not far from the truth. Dear all, it is not just a fantasy film. Do you believe in mortals? Do you believe in witches… wizards? The mortals, they are among us. Though the mortals, the ones not awakened, there are no good ones like in our harry potter story. They mortals in this story, they are roaming this earth. And I tell you, they not ready to be awakened. They can not see, they walk as zombies do. They have no fear. It is only you. You are the one capable of fear, because you can see reality, you are not programmed, you have broken from your program.

How can we tell the difference of the mortals?

How often is it that you feel at peace? Can you fall asleep at night? Look at them. As the light turns off, they doze, no thoughts enter their mind, for there is no mind. It is only a robotic process. And they wake up, searching for the few, for the few with life source energy that can be sucked. Making the witches and wizards sleep even later, less hours, or waking through the night. Blood suckers, vampires, call them what you will. Just know, for the life of you, that they have no free will. They are dictated by something deep under their skin. A broken child. A broken dream. Not yet ready to let themselves to be set free. You want to let them be, you want to let them be, their truest self. You think you have the dedication, the time, the stealth. You want to be there to awaken them. And this is how the journey begins.

Delve deep with me, into reality. It is not a beautiful road, but a long winding twisting road, it does not have ups and downs. Only 1 up, and one down. Yet the spiral, and twisting keeps us going, even though we get deeper and deeper. Because this downwards spiral, despite bringing us bellow and vibrating at a low frequency and low energy, we hope to see something new around the corner. Around each turn of the spiral, we await to see a new day as it turns, going down, deeper, and deeper, our faith, our hope. Hope for better tomorrows, hope for better todays. It twists and turns in a circular motion, a familiar motion, deeper, and deeper into the depths reaching a state of nothingness as each spiral is taken on this journey of never-ending suffering. You are stuck. How to climb back up, back out? This spiral of energy despite it being negative, we follow down its path, it is never ending. It is infinite, this spiral, this is why they vampires they latch onto us, and they are heavy, weighing us down this downwards spiral, trying to bring us down to their frequency and level. But we the awakened ones, no matter how much we are weighed down, our energy can never be defeated, because it is infinite. Because, we, the witches, we the wizards, our life source energy is never ending, it can never be burned, and to those of us that have been taken to such low frequency and vibration of this spiral. Please. Let us take a moment for the ones that had been beaten by the worst of the worst, of mortal thirst. Please. Give a moment of your thought.……………. Although they may not be here with us today…

With that my fellow awakened ones, I want to give a more positive note, our tribesmen, they are not gone forever, I write this with goose bumps on my arms, they are here. They are with us. They are coming back. There is a force, a full force, feel them, hear them. They are being reborn, and roaming until the rebirth is appropriate. Until then, good luck to all. Good luck on your fall back up. For this frequency that the awakened are on, there is nothing that can burn it, no flame is too strong. Energy, energy cannot be burned. Energy becomes the fire, full blown, it is a force that will withstand all. It will fight back to bring light into this chaotic world. Oh earth, mother of all, mother to the motherless children, mother to the fatherless children, let us join you in your guidance to unconditional love.



CHAPTER 1 |                                   POSITIVE SELF TALK


I woke up, heart racing. What’s happening. I am so excited! Why am I so suddenly stressed? I have to calm down, I am always stressed for no reason! Today is the day, I can’t wait! I am going to be the presenter for the first time. I am going to be in my element. After practicing for hours and public speaking for so long, I am so ready. I jump off my bed, feeling my heart in my head. Gotta pop in the shower quick, the heat is ridiculous here. I sweated all night. I look at the weather, it was only 25 degrees at night, why did I sweat so much! I am sweating like a pig every night. What’s happening. I get out and get into my white student shirt and black skirt. Ironed shirt, check, ironed skirt, check, band aids to wear inside of shoes so they don’t cut my heels like every single damn time, check!!!! I look in the mirror, swerve around, confidence? Check. Breakfast, check. Notes for today, check. Check, check, anddddd check!, I am ready. Yes. Positive self talk. I don’t need any of that negativity no I don’t! Take a deep breath Stella. I walk towards the door. I open it. I look outside. Who is outside? Anyone? Are they going to look at me? Am I too fat? Are my boobs to big? Am I walking to wobbly? I walk towards the school canteen. No one is around, thankfully everyone is in their houses still, still too early morning, no need to say hi fakely to anyone, and no one to judge me or make me feel uncomfortable. Whew. I wipe sweat from my head, what’s happening? I’m just outside for less than 30 seconds. Must be my stress levels.

It starts flooding. All the doubt floods in through the crown of my head and spreading down my neck then to my spine and every limb, I touch my thumbs to my fingers, it has even reached my fingers. I sooth myself by flicking my thumb nails against my index finger.. aahhhh… feels good, I’ll be ok. I am OK now. But I have to stop soon when I reach a crowd. Who flicks their fingers as they walk! They’d totally think I’m a weirdo. Confidence!? Where did you go? I keep walking. Walking towards the destination. Just keep walking Stella. Just keep going. Don’t stop. Positive self talk, don’t forget. They aren’t looking at you stella, they don’t know you are scared as fuck. Don’t worry. I hold onto the straps of my bag. Good grab onto your straps, it looks better than playing with your fingers. Positive self talk. I didn’t say CLUTCH it like your holding onto your life! They know you are scared now! Fuck! Stop doing that. Relax… release your hands, ok now keep walking. Don’t make eye contact, just scan the top of peoples heads. Great, your doing fine. Damn it! Don’t forget to breathe! What are you doing Stella?! I take a deep breath, I forgot to breathe. I have too much negative self talk. What’s happening? I realize there was no oxygen in my brain, I feel lightheaded, my heart is pounding, trying to get the oxygen into my heart. Keep walking, breath. Walk. Breath. Walk. Breathe. Walk. Breathe. Walk. I arrive before the room, I see the beauty of my university. What a spectacle, the trees, the flowers, the grass, the blue sky, the huge mountainous range. It brings me peace. I breaaaathe. Ahhhhhh. That feels good. I recharged, all those people made me exhausted. I take one last longing gaze to the vicinity and lock the experience deep in my heart in order to retrieve the beautiful energy later.

Finally arriving at the room to welcome all the new students. I unlock my heart, but the energy is gone, where did it go! Oh well! I am excited to be here. Also terrified. But mostly excited.



CHAPTER 2
HE IS THE ONE – STEP 1: INFATUATION


We sit in a huge circle, making the decorative lanterns. I sit beside a boy, well I don’t know if we can call him a boy. He’s like me, he doesn’t identify completely with his gender. I too, I feel more masculine, and I am attracted to anyone, boy, girl, gay, bi, pansexual, whatever it is, as long as they have a heart of gold. He’s darn cute, he helps me to make my lantern, I am having trouble. A boy sitting beside him looks over. I see nothing special about him, he introduces himself, and I say hi. We continue with the lanterns and then go to take a photo out front. I don’t want the day to end. I have many positive energies, I love talking, enjoying making activities. Ploy and I say our goodbyes to them.

The next event we join I am called on to share my experience of culture shock. I am excited and share with the whole room. Then I see him again, the one from Myanmar, oh he looks quite nice today! Then I see my two girl friends, and one more friend. We all hang out, listen to music and obnoxiously and hilariously laugh. Out of all the people here, he chose to stay with us. We are the odd bunch from the rest. We are loud and proud, we are not scared to be silly, we play with the balloons, full of life and laughter. Many onlookers see and only wish to participate in our game, others think it is childish. We continue none-the-less.  He stares, not joining but observing, he keeps his composure, he is serious, mysterious and calm, he seems like a spy. I catch myself staring a bit, wait.. he’s actually… really handsome. I tell myself as I see his composure and mannerism. Tall. Confident. Extremely confident. Too confident. His posture is like that of a successful business man that my breath is almost taken away. His hair perfectly done, cut just right. Blue button up shirt, white undershirt. Oh, nice black watch, matching pants. Even matching shoes. I tell a joke, trying not to stare too much. Well you know us women, we have good peripheral vision we can do the checking out discreetly. They all laugh, he even joins in on the banter. It doesn’t seem his style however. I am intrigued why he finds us interesting. Is it because I am white? Most people just talk to me here because I am white. But there are 5 or 6 other whites here, and prettier than me. Skinnier than me. He must think we are cool. Yes, he thinks we are cool. He is so prim and proper, almost dull. I get it! He needs some life to fulfill himself, opposites attract! I tell myself.. he just. Needs. Some. Light. Poor dull boy, he is so innocent. Masters student. Looks like a virgin. Then I start to notice, my god. A smile with those big beautiful lips and deep all knowing eyes. He stares, he does not break eye contact. I am becoming intrigued. What a deep stare. Does he stare at everyone like that? My god his confidence is just breathtaking. I can’t believe my eyes. I can’t believe my body. I am infatuated. How did I not notice this man the first day we met. Nothing shimmered or gleamed that first day. But now, my god I see him in a new light. It is not the dim lights, I guess he is just comfortable showing his true self now. He just needed some friends to bring out his kindness, that’s all. Now I can’t stop staring. It is like he is out of a movie. The smile is truly to die for. He talks with all the teachers, masters students and staff. Dressed to the T. He must be from a well to do background, he seems well respected. And he is also very respectful, not like those rich bastard business men who are cocky. He’s so humble, so kind and polite to everyone, especially elders. How rare to show such sincerity to elders. I am in awe by the end of the night. I think I want to marry this man. I’m hooked.

The night ends. We walk my friends home to their dorm, and then he walks me the end of the rode where I left my bike. I can’t believe we are alone. Walking together. He walks very slowly. Stella, it’s great that you ride your bike here. Seriously I am impressed. Everyone else walks or takes their motorbike, but you Excersize. My heart is pounding. Do you have a girlfriend? I blurt out. I can’t hold it any longer. He smiles, he is flattered but he hides it. Girls, Stella, are not like a pair of shoes, it is not something that you can just take, wear and throw out when it is used. A girlfriend is forever. I stop dead in my tracks. Who is this magician with words? “Keep walking, what are you doing?” he asks. Ok, I say as I keep walking, so…your so handsome, why don’t you have one? What! I am not handsome, no one every told me that before he says. I just go red. My whole face turns like a turnip. I stop again. I can’t control myself. Who is this man. Alright Stella calm down. See you next time. He tags me later on in his post, and even types have a lovely night in my language. I can’t even. I just. I have no words. I just have my red face, and my pounding heart. And one thought.
When will I see this man again?

I am from a past, that I have put behind me. I try to forget it. I had too many men, what, 6 or 7? Each, worse than the other, I can’t believe my eyes, is this man attracted to me? All the signs say yes. I am so lucky. Someone loves me despite how broken I am. I have suffered so much, so much abuse. No man has respected me before. I am from rape. I am from emotional pain. I am from physical abuse. I am not from respect. He has come, he is. He is my savior. I can finally put my past behind me. All those drug addicts, all those alcoholics, abusers, users, they will be forgotten for good now. Now that I have found him, I will surely never think of my past again. It will fade. Never again to my unconscious, conscious or subconscious will it be made again. I am going to be whole. I have never been whole. I am so excited to be whole.

No one has ever complimented that I am a fit girl, most men are always intimidated by my sportiness. No one has ever walked me to my bike. No one has ever talked to me about relationships with such sincerity and purity and respect. No one has respected others with their behavior as much as he did. No one has had such a perfect smile. Such a perfect body. He must work out consistently. No one, has made me so red before in my life. I can’t. I just can’t get him out of my head. I am going. Utterly. Insane.

How did I see nothing special about him the first time we met? My intuition asks, Is this a warning, something feels off? I ignore my intuition she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I never know how to read people. My parents always tell me that. Everyone I hate I end up liking, and everyone I like I end up hating, obviously I can’t trust myself. I can’t wait to go tell mom about the wonderful night I had! I give my intuition some chocolate, like a neglectful mother gives candy to a crying child. A crying child just asking for love, attention and validation. The mother is too busy with other serious things. Self absorbed, cellphone, new boyfriend, useless thoughts. This chocolate will let me have my peace said the distant mother. Give my intuition a chocolate I said to myself. I have more important things to deal with, like when am I going to see him again?

I have such intense feelings, this must be real. No man has respected me like this before. This is unlikely to be a façade. My intelligence speaks, and my heart feels. What is happening?

Flash Forward

THE SEX – OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, MAKING LOVE BABY

“I am not like that”, he says as he turns his head away when I kiss his cheeks lovingly. I caress him and touch his hair ever so softly with my hands and hold his face, as I sit on top of him lightly. “I don’t need sex”, he says, “we are long-term it is not about physical touch”. A little part of my dies inside. I just want to feel him, I just want to caress him, as when we sleep our bodies do not touch, I just.. I just want to feel his warmth and love. I missed him so much, this is only the second night after 6 months. He turns to the side while saying “I hope you understand”, and falls asleep. How can he sleep so easily?! Is it my fault? Why do I feel so guilty? I guess because he loves me and I am asking for too much. Why am I so sexual, I am being inappropriate… My previous relationships, sex was a daily act, sometimes twice daily!  He must think I am so annoying, he obviously is not obsessed. Am I sex obsessed? He loves me and wants to treat me as a good woman, not just use me for sex! I should be thankful, I have a respectable man here ladies! He is not obsessed with using me as an object is what I tell myself this and sincerely try with all my might to believe it.
Positive self-talk. He’s not like that, of course. He cares for me, of course. He loves me, of course, even though he never told me that. He loves me. He always does say, actions speak louder than words. He’s not obsessed with sex like other guys. He doesn’t use me as an object, of course.

CHAPTER THREE     
MYSTERY MAN MEETS LIBRARY GIRL

I am library girl. I frequent the library now. I have changed my life now. I was a broken girl, from a broken world. I am from late nights, and cat fights, scars on my neck, from when she chocked me. I am from trying to save men from addiction, to feeling the friction when I try to separate myself from them. The friction causes Electrical fire, and the desire to be loved. They are leaches, latching on, sucking blood, can’t take em off, you want to be gone. I am from neglect too. And abuse, who knew? Does the world know?

So now, I am here, I’m changing my life. I will IGNORE my past. And when it comes creeping, I will be found in my room, weeping. It’s ok. Cry, and let it out, I will feel better about it. I cry less now.

I am here now. Library girl. Give your hair a twirl, don’t show anyone your weakness or your past, that’s all gone now! You are the library girl. Almost 4.0 GPA, starting life a new way.

He asks me, “what is that scar on your neck”? Deep down, my subconscious knows not to say anything now, not yet, he won’t accept me for who I was. Even though I am successful now, if he knows I was the party girl now this early on, he won’t accept me. Little did I know, if one does not love every part of you, every struggle that made you, you, they are only in love with an image of you. I did not know back then, I thought you tell these things slowly, once getting “closer” in a relationship.


I say nothing and just look at him and wait. Wait for the energy of mine to let him know this question has passed and no answer will be given. He ignores my disdain, and goes on to show off his skills, he shows me his website he made, trying to gain my trust. I show him my poems of the past. He wants to know everything about me. It’s only been a few days. I guess he really cares about me. But I feel like I can’t be my true self, show my true colors yet, but he is prying, but I don’t want him to know who I really was, before I was this strong library girl. He is so proper, so innocent, I am from a dark past, what if he knew what I have been through? I can’t tell him everything now. He opens my poems reads, yet of himself he never breathes, only his accomplishments, not his hopes and dreams. Only of his successes, no failures is this boy of. But he asks, as he masks, his true self. I answer, I am the prance, the dancer, dancing around, showcasing bits of my past, it’s safe if it is not a full blown blast, I share bits and pieces. And I share my hopes and dreams, and my failures and successes. Yet he does not acknowledge my success, dismisses it or jokes. I was the manager of activities, yet he brought me down a notch and made it a joke. It’s not a joke! I worked so hard…

Flashback

I caress your face in my palm, your head nestles into my crossed legs. I feel bliss, I feel peace. I am so lucky to have a man so respectful, so calm, so sincere. I have never had such a kind man before I think to myself. He turns his head and looks up at me, we gaze at each other. He blinks his eyes cutely, as I do to him. (as I now know, it was his mirroring technique) My heart, fulfilled. I could sit here, all day, I could stay here forever. He hears my thoughts. Could you love me like this forever? Not more, not less everyday just like the first time? I agree. I have no words. I lean in to kiss him, he follows. We become as one. Why does he never any longer accept my kisses? What has changed? As my love for him grows every second, every moment, he sometimes feels insecure of my past. He told me I was his first. Did you do this with everyone he asks me? I tell him I felt forced and not the same with others, I felt safe with him. He stares into my eyes. He asks me “are you scared? Everyone is scared of me, why aren’t you scared?” I feel almost squirmish, my organs flinch, but my eyes stay fixed to his eyes. Is this love? Eye contact is endless, I try to see deeply into this man, I speak with my eyes, I send him love vibes through my eyes. It is as if I subconsciously knew, that I could not pierce deeply into his heart, but if I stared into his eyes and projected my unconditional love it would pass into his soul, as eyes, my friends, they are the windows to the soul. Could I pass through his windows? Or where they barred, cemented, plexy glass sealed. Nothing could open them, nothing could get in, and nothing, nothing could get out. A traumatized child holds the windows closed with all his might, there will be no light coming in today the child speaks. He stares until I blink, then he smiles, continues staring, pushes me backwards ever so slightly with the force of his stare. I move back a few millimeters, just enough to give myself space from a strange sensation like he is in combat with me. “I am Lucifer” he says, staring into my eyes. “Be careful.” I am not phased, I smile and laugh jokingly, I try to let the energy flow over me, and I try to get close to him by leaning in to kiss him, he moves backwards just in time, winks, and stands up.

We sit at his kitchen table, the first time at his house, we had a beautiful day, meeting relatives, traveling, eating and cooking together, the perfect day. We sit and talk, he asks me if I love his hometown. I look at him and tell him with my whole being, my eyes, my body, my soul, I project myself to show him with my actions not words. He asks again if I like it. I decide to tell him. After my words, I try to connect with him, my vibration is high, my body senses every air particle surrounding my body, every wave length, I am an orange bubble. I am projecting. I am all his, I speak my vow, I will always be with him, no matter what, no matter if a man comes into my life, rich or handsome, as he always worries. I am his, forever, for age will make us grow old and ugly, that is not what is important, it is our love and commitment. My orb grows, it reaches the corners of the room, it vibrates intensely, I look at him, and I can feel every wave surrounding me like an energy field. I feel he may sense it, or he loved my words, he leans in to kiss me, I feel a profound happiness. Yet I also feel a part of me is blocked off too. If he knows me and my past, will he accept library girl? Will he love me forever, does he feel this too. As we become to what in my mind is that we are one vibrating I ask. Did you feel it? Feel what? I feel normal he says. Did he not sense this connection, this vibration? I feel detatched now. He looks at me with a confused and detatched look. Didn’t you feel that, or see anything different? He tells me, he could not feel or see anything like I could, nothing was different for him. I let it pass. I let it slide. We did not connect. It was all in my head, he did not get onto my frequency that was projecting. What could I do to connect with him? Show him my love? I take it with a grain of salt. I forget it. I love this man, he just is not spiritual as I am, that is why he can’t feel it. He is not aware. He loves me for sure, he brought me to meet his family. I am the first girl to come, the first girl to stay.

The day after, I sit on the ground, reading my articles, he comes, slowly, from behind. Every woman’s dream. He slowly puts his hand on my shoulder and lowers himself ever so slowly to the ground. My body is pulsing with energy and excitement and love. He surrounds his body around me, moves his hand slowly form my shoulder up my neck. He grips the front of my neck and pulls it back slowly as he kisses my shoulder tenderly. He tightens his grip and deepens his kiss. I fall apart in his arms, my entire being and body lets go. His grip is soft and loving, almost too tight, but he knows my limits, he feels my body well, he seems to understand how to perfectly do it. How can he know so well? Is he in touch with me, he totally…. just…. gets… me. My whole body develops goose bumps and surrenders to his touch. I catch my breathe, I quiver, and we slowly stand together and embrace and kiss together. I feel we are closer than we have ever been. Is this love? What are these sensations I am feeling? He gives me one last peck, and disappears back to his room. I feel alone again. I want to be around him consistently. He locks his door, I nock and try to get in, he will not open. “I will be down shortly”. He’s got me hooked, obsessed. I am not afraid to tell him, when I tell him I feel more attracted, and I can see he gets excited, he tells me I make him excited too. What happened to this love? He has never since kissed me like that in a year, it taunts me, where did that go? I still crave him the same as day one. One smile of his sends me through the roof. His smile is rare. It is like a que to drive me wild. He has conditioned me to respond at his will.


CHAPTER 4
UNCONSIOUS RESPONSE – A CONDITIONED RESPONSE

I see him at my office. He is coming to get documents as I have my meeting. As soon as I see him my body responds. Embarrassment, my whole face turns red. I loose my balance and become self-conscious of my every move. It takes me all my might to walk and not stare at him. I feel like his presence is so strong in this office. I begin to get more uncomfortable, as the people I work with may sense or see my response. I respond to his presence as a dog does when excited to see their owner after a day of missing. I respond as a dog to an owner that is in the initiaul stages of establishing an abusive relationship. In the beginning the owner is happy to have someone to confide and love him unconditionally, but finally the owner realizes even the dog can not fill the hole in his heart that he does not wish to self mend and give the self-care that is long over due. The dog, has not done something wrong, yet the owner always feels as if it has done something wrong. Yet I, as the dog love my owner, unconditionally, despite him always being mad at me. I will always be loyal, and talk highly of him to all others. I will always support him and be by his side, for he is the great one, the one who will protect me and love me forever. I respond. I respond. As the animal I have become.

He ignores me, not even glancing in my direction, as if I am not even in my own office, this is my zone! No acknowledgement. I take it with a grain of salt, I do not pay attention, of course he is busy I tell myself and let go on this idea as I try to hide myself as I observe him. I am entranced by his presence, his perfection. I stare at his every movement, he is like a CIA spy calculating his every movement precisely. Blue tight colorneck shirt, with dark blue pants, belt buckled just in the right spot, hair perfectly gelled. He is elegant, calculated, confident, calm, and charming, especially when one of his smirky smiles slips from his lips, slowly opening and revealing his perfect white teeth. Everyone feels how attractive he is, I am sure I think, as I admire him for a moment longer. Everyone responds to him politely, happy to get his attention, he has an aura of importance, that no one seems to challenge. I can’t stand it any longer I gather all my courage and I walk to him to talk and discuss a few words about his documents he is processing. “What are you doing now” I ask him? “Go”. Is his response? “We can talk later, I am doing my work now, please, go do your work and I will continue mine.” I feel intimidated and slightly shocked by his directness in front of everyone. He does not seem the least bit excited to see me here.

Later, he jokes about out encounter at my office. “Don’t come to distract me when I am doing my work”, then to lighten the mood, he jokingly asks, “why did you smile and stare at me?” I think it is cute that he noticed I stared, so I act cute and say I was happy to see him. I snuggle into him and tell him he is very cute in a cute voice and pinch his cheeks. He refuses my gestures and leans backwards, making me lean in more. The more our relationship develops and grows, the more he resists physical intimacy. The first time we kissed I assumed it is because I was his first kiss and he did not know how to respond, why is his unresponsiveness surfacing again? I let my thoughts pass because I am hooked on is love and affection. Each kiss, each touch, each time we make love, is enchanting. I can’t get enough of connecting with him. Does he not love connecting with me? Why does he want to control his emotions. I love to let go with him. We can show each other how we feel and share our deep emotions without words. It seems like he is scared to let go, there is nothing to be scared of, I want him to be himself.

Flashback

My friend sees me coming as she walked out from behind him and shakes her hands like she touched something hot, indicating his attractiveness. I look at her and can’t stop myself from pitching her a faint but controlled smile in order not to give away that I think the same. He looks back at her as he smiles as if he has eyes at the back his head. He always knows everything, he is highly aware of his surroundings. How does he do that? He walks out of the library where I was studying. He always come after working to find me and my friends there. I will be reading, and can sense he will come, deep inside I wait for his presence. He leaves, and a part of me leaves with him. My friend tells me to be careful, “he messaged me too kindly”, she says “it’s because we are foreigners” she says, “that’s why he wants to talk to us”. I tell her no it is definitely not that I reassure myself. “There is 10 other foreigners here, we feel connected, it is not because of that”. He messaged me she tells me, he said “My lovely friend” “Who says that?!” she says?! “He doesn’t even know me? Why is he texting me and Sara “my lovely friend”? Well he is kind I tell her, he’s just super polite, he is sincere and not afraid to show emotions and love. “Ok Stella I am just telling you because I care about you”. I don’t like this girl, she is always bringing negative energy, she over exaggerates and lies. When she hugs me or holds my hand I feel drained. Her drama brings me no excitement only resentment. Thus I do not trust anything she says, she is just trying to bring down my vibe.

I don’t understand these mortals. One Mortal trying to put down another mortal, I can’t understand, are they not a team? Or are they one man for themselves? Is their power so strong that they don’t require each other to become stronger overall? Have they adapted so well that their negative vibration can not be affected by one another. They are different than us immortals. When we connect with one another a vibration can be increased exponentially, overpowering, and scaring others, sometimes of our own kind, and especially repelling the mortals. In a sense I wish not to see their combined efforts, we must try to overcome them, as if they learn their powers and understand they are stronger together, it would be a much bloodier warzone than it is already.