Gaslighting resources needed

[Someday Vindicated]

I was wondering if anyone could share some of the best resources they've found to deal with gaslighting. I have an alcoholic DH who has narc traits (raised by a covert N mother). I've noticed his gaslighting  intensifies when he drinks (he's a weekend binge drinker). We have two daughters who are off school for the holidays and we've taken some stay-cation time for about 2 weeks. I'm afraid the gaslighting will be frequent as he will have more time to drink. Also, if you say the slightest thing to him, he has over-the-top victim reactions. Then he blames me for being the bad guy. I really feel sorry for my two teenage daughters because he takes turns picking on them (gaslighting for a reaction), and he almost always picks on me.

I'm looking for resources such as YouTube videos, online articles, etc. I've read through all the great resources on Out of the FOG and am looking for additional information. If you could recommend something, I'd appreciate it. I love that there is a lot of information online that I can read. I'd hate to buy counseling packages or books and risk H finding out. Thanks in advance.

[NoVoice357]

Hello SV,

I really feel sorry for my two teenage daughters because he takes turns picking on them (gaslighting for a reaction), and he almost always picks on me.

Holidays are excellent opportunities for people with a Cluster B disorder to gather not only positive but also negative attention (fuel or narcissistic supply - NS). Since you seem to be in devaluation, your H will bait you to get negative NS/fuel from you and your daughters. Understanding the concept of NS and how to deal with it is very important.

I'm looking for resources such as YouTube videos, online articles, etc. I've read through all the great resources on Out of the FOG and am looking for additional information. If you could recommend something, I'd appreciate it. I love that there is a lot of information online that I can read. I'd hate to buy counseling packages or books and risk H finding out.

NPD HG Tudor has a blog about narcissism and also videos on YT.  It is called Knowing the Narcissist (narcsite.com). I find his articles very informative and helpful to understand the world from the narcissist's perspective, how to deal with their provocations and how to avoid taking the bait.

All I Want For Christmas Is Fuel

http://narcsite.com/2016/12/19/all-i-want-for-christmas-is-fuel/

Bah Humbug!

http://narcsite.com/2016/12/25/bah-humbug-2/

The Gaslighting Twenty

https://narcsite.com/2017/07/17/the-gaslighting-twenty-4/

Hope this helps. Good luck!

[KFel024]

Dear NoVoice357,

For me, the best resources were trusting my own eyes, brain and gut.  While there are technological resources out there that can help, it is important to verify their legality prior to use.

Being exposed to gaslighting stinks.  Cannot imagine the trauma when children are involved.  What do you hope to gain from attaining additional resources on the subject?  Are you looking to confirm your own beliefs or to convince your partner about the realities of the situation?

Regardless of what I did, my npd partner would not acknowledge what I perceived to be the truth.  They had a knack for rationalizing and/or explaining away anything and everything.  Having objective evidence did not matter.  They were going to believe whatever they wanted to.  They made their own reality.

[RavenLady]

This is a late response but wanted to add that Dr. Les Carter makes really good YouTube videos on dealing with narcs. The channel is Surviving Narcissism. all4peace, a very wise human who posts on these boards, first pointed me in his direction. I like his mellow, sensible demeanor. 

While HG Tudor's narcsite is definitely illuminating, I also find it incredibly creepy b/c he's a narc and clearly gets off on f*cking with people.

[SomethingElse]

NoVoice357,

So Sorry. So Sorry. So Sorry.

I wished I had had someone say this to me when I was going through rough times.

I recommend watching videos by Teal Swan on Youtube. She is an excellent healer who works with people who have a lot of trauma, and she posts free videos on how to heal.

Good luck.