The craziness has started again

[betta fish]

Hi everyone,

After winning a court battle with my uBPDmom, I was wondering how long it would take for to completely self destruct.  My oldest DD can now choose if and when she wants contact with he grandmother.  The 2 youngest have Skype calls with her, but since the court case my oldest does not want to take part (quite understandably). So grandma, is now freaking out and trying to rile up the flying monkeys.  Her outbursts are quite explosive and intense, I am getting calls even though everyone knows I do not wish to discuss my mother. I affirm my boundaries firmly, refusing to discuss it.  They can listen to her complaints and tolerate her rages, if they wish to do so, but I refuse to get involved (even hearing about her rage is too much).  I used to get all the rages, now it is their turn and they do not like it.  The point of no return has come and passed for me.  I am done.

She has no more legal way to get to us and I do not wish to have any contact.  She is realizing that she has no recourse left, no way to control me anymore.  I made it very clear that I do not wish to get any calls about her.  Time will tell how it goes for her.  It is so sad to see her have no clue or understanding of what is going on.  She is living in a made up world where she is a poor old lady, who is sweet and loving and kind.  She is unable to gain insight into herself. Her world is made up of people who wish to hurt her, everyone is out to get her by spreading lies, manipulating her family and just plainly wanting to hurt her.  Her belief is that she is so kind she attracts people with mental health issues.  Everything she wants she could of had, if she could recognize her own probable mental health issues. She is very intelligent and capable of moments where she is so nice.  Her very low self-esteem and fear of abandonment makes her unable to stop herself from sabotaging it all. 

She hurts the one's she loves to test them and see if they will stay.  Her abusive ways created major problems for me and it took years of therapy to get how toxic the relationship is. I did everything I could to try and have a relationship: Therapy, classes on how to put up boundaries, read many many books, came on this site, went to a support group...  I did all this, over 5 years, knowing the only person I could change is myself.  While I was working to find ways to keep my uBPDmom in my life, she was slowly influencing my oldest DD.  My oldest slowly became her grandmother's confident (of age inappropriate issues) , responsible for her happiness (by talking often and manipulation).  My DD also listened to stories that I was a horrible person she needed to protect herself from.  It took months of family therapy to put our family back together again.  I used to be angry, very angry.  I went through all the stages of grief.  Now I just think; What a waste of a life.  How sad she will never know trust and loving someone.  I am saddened for her.  Even though I do not wish to have any contact with her, I still hope she will one day be able to heal, understand and live a good life.

Good day everyone!

[practical]

Sorry she is trying to get at you and your FOC through the last avenue she sees. Great boundaries!

I used to be angry, very angry.  I went through all the stages of grief.  Now I just think; What a waste of a life.  How sad she will never know trust and loving someone.  I am saddened for her.  Even though I do not wish to have any contact with her, I still hope she will one day be able to heal, understand and live a good life.

Your compassion is truly loving. For me, this is where I came out too, sadness for my parents, myself, wishing them the best - but also being done.

[beacartoonheart]

Sounds all too familiar to me.... Did you find therapy helped? Or did you feel your therapist would never understand? I don't think i could do it, i would assume the therapist would just be talking out his or her a** because he or she was paid to do so....

[all4peace]

I very much admire the love and compassion in your voice. I don't know if you've done tremendous work to get there, but your voice has so much love in it. I think if I were in your shoes I'd be full of anger and vengeance. I am so sorry for the tremendous amount of trauma and stress you have endured. I am so thankful that your children seem to be safe, and that other people in your life are starting to see how troubled your mother is. I am so sorry that you don't have the mother you needed and instead have this dark and heavy burden. Keep sharing here and well done on being such a compassionate person!