Codependent in me is acting up.

[logistics]

Spouse is upset at BIL. Instead of talking to BIL, spouse is not going to nephew's graduation party. He is not planning on RSVP with a no. Payback for a similar situation with BIL. 

I am the SG so I don't want to get involved but I feel like RSVP and give a little reason why.  It's not my fight. I understand bad behavior all the way around.

Should I stay silent or speak up? I'd like to go to support nephew even though the in-laws aren't supportive of our relationship.  If I speak up I get in the middle of a disagreement that will be turned on me if at all possible.

[notrightinthehead]

I would contact the person I want to support directly and let them know. I would not get involved in spouse's way of dealing with it.

[all4peace]

I would advise staying on the same page as your spouse, even if it feels like a rude and uncomfortable page. I did what you have the urge to do, many, many times. I was really undermining my husband, weakening our marriage and in no way encouraging growth in him as a person.

These days I let him know what my preference would be, ask what he would like to do, and go with whatever he prefers. Sometimes that's comfortable, sometimes it feels rude, but either way OUR marriage has not taken a blow.

I think when we're building our marriages, we then move into a place where we're better able to influence our spouse.

Good luck. I understand the deep discomfort this brings up, especially when innocent children are involved. I'm sorry for the position you're in and offer my thoughts simply as one way of looking at it.