Just had an aha moment

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Spirit in the sky

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Just had an aha moment
« on: June 02, 2019, 03:50:43 PM »
Iíve been doing a lot of inner child healing, working on my Adult Child recovery and dealing with narcissist abuse.
I set myself goals to ĎKnow Myselfí and I have been doing mirror work.

I looked in the mirror today and I finally realised I have never felt pretty, attractive or beautiful. Iíve always seen myself as ugly and unworthy of love.

Iíve let people use and abuse me because I truly believed no one would want or love me based on my looks. So I had to work extra hard to be good, kind, caring and never say no because I feared rejection. I was bullied at school for being plain and called ugly.

Iíve always seen my internal beauty but didnít believe other people would. This is a big step forward for me, learning to love myself unconditionally


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Thru the Rain

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Re: Just had an aha moment
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2019, 05:00:34 PM »
Good for you! That's very hard programming to overcome!


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athene1399

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Re: Just had an aha moment
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2019, 10:24:53 AM »
That is hard programming to overcome. I am so glad you are seeing this and can work on this. You deserve to be treated well and loved! And you are allowed to say no.  :) I wish you luck on your journey of self-discovery!

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PeanutButter

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Re: Just had an aha moment
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2019, 11:32:39 AM »
I totally get this. I have always felt 'not pretty' too. It is very painful. I remember my ubpdm telling me i was pretty on occasion when i would talk about this feeling but i didnt believe her. She also often made "im ugly" comments about herself though.

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absolutelynope

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Re: Just had an aha moment
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2019, 11:48:25 AM »
Oh my gosh, I completely relate to this! I'm looking at transactional analysis with my psychotherapist at the moment, trying to have compassion for my inner child who, quite frankly, I hate at the moment.

I'm female, late 30s, uBPD waif mother. When I look at myself through the eyes of my adult, I can objectively see that I'm very average looking. I've got a weak chin and from some angles I look pretty ugly, but otherwise I'm normal looking. My child and my critical parent both think I'm very ugly and I can't bear to look at photos of myself.

My mother is obsessed that I'm absolutely beautiful. People used to tell her when i was little what a beautiful child I was and apparently when she shows people my wedding photos they all marvel at how beautiful I am. I hate this because I know she's just deluded. The narc in her wants praise from people and believing that I'm beautiful is a way of getting that praise. Also I used to hate her telling me it when i was a child because I thought she was just lying to make me feel better.

Now my adult is ok with how I look, I'm happily married and have no aspirations to be a model. but I think I need for my child and parent to stop telling me I'm ugly. I guess it's going to take time.