Coping with PD mom

[Penny20657]

Hello, I've been a "lurker" on the forum for a few months and finally thought I should set up a profile and introduce myself. I have found so many helpful insights and many similar situations to my own on this forum.

A somewhat quick summary of what finally brought me to join:
Since I started going to therapy almost 2 years ago I've slowly come to realize exactly how unhealthy my mom's behaviour has been for me.

In the past few months there have been several "escalations" if I could call them that. The first was Christmas - my mom told her sister to **** off, which caused me and my cousins to step in, and resulted in the family having a frank conversation with the sisters about the behaviour and dynamics in the family being unhealthy. On another holiday, I received texts/calls from my mom and aunt because of a bit of a hostage situation (we called the police after encouraging my aunt to do so first). The next holiday we did not see my family, and my mom has repeatedly dropped by our home unannounced.

I finally told her not to come to our house without an invitation (which she did not take well - I ended the call when she told me to go **** myself) and she still dropped items she had bought for me on our doorstep afterwards. A few days later she asked to take me for lunch after my birthday which I did not respond to. Later she called me multiple times in one evening needing me to pick her up from a future surgery (I did not answer). I also blocked her for the day of my birthday, and a few days later she has now reached out to me again to pick her up from her surgery. Between these events I have not been contacting her.

The requests themselves have been very rude (by voicemail or text), and worded as if it is my responsibility to do these things. With each event I still struggle with feelings of obligation and guilt, and think about the contact for days. To make matters worse, my husband and I are expecting our first child in the next few months, so I am struggling with what sort of relationship (if any?) I want to continue with my mother now and once our child arrives. I only expect this behaviour to continue to "escalate" until and after the baby arrives.

Thanks for reading!

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome. First, congratulations on the soon to arrive sweet little one. Becoming a parent can sure bring the toxic behaviors of our uPD mother's into sharp focus and make clear the need for evaluating the relationship carefully.

It sounds like it has been quite a difficult time and that you have a lot on your plate with your mom. I am so sorry. I am thankful you have joined us here officially. Make good use of the info at the drop down menus above and the boards dealing with PD parents.

I look forward to supporting you in your healing journey.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi Penny20657

There are a lot of insights on thus website. I am glad you found it! Welcome.

Many years ago when I was pulling away from my N mother, I gained courage by reading posts by others who had already pulled further away from their NPD parent. I hope this forum and site helps you to feel brave in your work to protect yourself and your family.